Ufouria: The Saga 2 (Red Art Games, PC/Switch/PS4/PS5/XBox Series)
Ufouria on the NES was easily one of its better games, providing a light-hearted and comparatively uncomplicated Metroid-style experience with a quirky sense of humor and a charming, exaggerated visual style. Ufouria 2 certainly looks and sounds the part and the humor is on point, but the gameplay... oh lordy, what have they done to this Sunsoft cult classic? Why, they bogged every single element of it down with tedious cash farming despite the fact the original didn't even have money or a shop system! Want more health? No, you don't find heart containers like in the original; go to the vending machine in the hub and cough up! Want basic features like crouching to slip into narrow corridors? Pay up, bitch! Recruit a new character and want to use them right away? Too bad, you can't! Go collect X number of cans and a couple hundred coins to buy a particular item they need and then they'll join you! Want a fucking map so you can figure out where you've been and where you need to go next? You get the idea. Padded-out, utterly worthless filler at its absolute worst; the only way they could besmirch the original any further is by tying it all to paid DLC. Or even better yet, lootboxes...
Microsoft (the entire company)
Ah, Microsoft. For a brand that looked to finally be turning their reputation around after the travesty of the Kinect and the numerous horrible decisions made with the XBox One that tanked their market share, they've sure gone out of the way to make even more horrible decisions in the last few years. Paying billions of dollars for Activision and Bethesda, paying out a few hundred mil to shit-eater Bobby Kotick, spending way too much money to churn out an underwhelming mess of a game in Starfield, then turning around the following year and closing down nearly all of the latter's outside studios. Arkane Austin, Tango Gameworks, Alpha Dog Games, Roundhouse Studios, all gone overnight. Some gratitude, especially since Tango Gameworks just released Hi-Fi Rush, easily one of the best games Microsoft has had to their name in a very long time; highly acclaimed and a strong seller besides. Brilliant move, guys; so much so that I won't be buying an XBox Series or Game Pass from you any time in the near future. Hell even Windows 11 is looking pretty unappealing for my next PC upgrade right about now...Shows you a map.Dipshit fairy: This is a map! Boy it's a well made map! You know what a map is, right Main Character?Other character: This map will show us to our destination!Yet another character: Our destination is here! Click the location on the map to lead us there, Main Character!