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7/28/2014

Let's play Xenogears, Part 20

Citan's big Tom-and-Jerry-esque plan is set into motion.



Answered questions

  • The nanomachine colony is a sentient being called "Emeralda" and seems to have a connection to Fei.  Rattan claims she is Fei's "daughter" (or more likely, his creation)...

Questions so far


  • Who are the "mother" and the "antitype" that Krelian refers to?
  • What exactly does Emeralda mean by "Kim"?
  • What data did Krelian retrieve from Emeralda?
  • What threatens to turn Citan over to the "dark side"?

Like Clockwork, Part 4

Mitchell

Hey! You're the guy this whole station's been buzzing about!

Zero X. Diamond
 Everyone's been asking why anyone would have a name as stupid as yours!


Clockwork

So I am to understand.

Mitchell

Hear you killed Zero Diamond. Man, you sure have guts. Lot of strength, too.

Spoony Spoonicus
Not really.  The guy seems to get killed more easily than the Spelunker.

Clockwork

Did you know him?

Mitchell

Nope. But I met a few people who had first-hand encounters in my travels. Take this one guy, met him in a bar one night. He's the palest living man I've ever seen, with blue hair and sunglasses.

Zero X. Diamond
Majinn escaped from the Anti-Matter Containment Unit in Dr. Genesis' lab by combining a macguffin and a plot hole and invoking the divine power of deus ex machina.

 Also, apparently he no longer thirsts for the destruction of mankind or whatever and spends most of his free time roaming the countryside getting drunk.

Said Zero beat him up something awful. Then again, also said he was given life by him...

Clockwork

Interesting.

Mitchell

And there was another guy, and I tell you, this man was big.

Zero X. Diamond
How big was he?

He had to stand at least nine feet tall.

Zero X. Diamond
That's... not a very good punchline.


And his eyes, they were cold and lifeless as steel. That night I saw him, he gets jumped by these bandits, okay? They try and stab him-- the swords just break like glass.

Zero X. Diamond
 So uh, why does anybody consider these bandits a threat at all?  I mean, can't the police just roll a SWAT team into the woods and arrest the small band of knife-wielding idiots?

Clockwork

Was he wearing armor of any sort?

Mitchell

I'm getting to that. Anyways, since I don't have much to live for myself anyhow, I approach this guy. I look him up and down, that's when I see them eyes, just staring and empty. But all he's wearing is just a big overcoat and a shirt.

Zero X. Diamond
Other than that, he was naked as a jaybird, his dick glistening in the moonlight like a greased-up sausage.

 We get to talking, turns out he's a robot. Also turns out, Zero whipped him so bad, it broke his thick, robotic skull.

Zero X. Diamond
How did he get back from Mars?  Pretty sure the intended ending of Rise of the Technoids was the old cliched "enemy base explodes as heroes watch from a safe distance" thing, so there's no way the dude just went in the hangar and flew back.  That and, you know, he was fucking dead.

Clockwork

He was indeed a great warrior.

Mitchell

And now, here I am, talking to the very man what killed him. What a crazy world this is, brother. What a crazy world this is.

Spoony Spoonicus
The part of Mitchell will be played by Hulk Hogan once this hits Broadway.

Clockwork

But I am not a villain!

Zero X. Diamond
I'm just a murderer, honest!

Mitchell

What do you mean, you ain't a villain?

Clockwork

I only acted on the canards of my master.

Mitchell

Canards?

Clockwork

Lies.

Mitchell

Oh. I see.

Zero X. Diamond
I thought ya meant testicles.  Was pretty confused by that.


 So what do you mean, you acted on his lies?

Clockwork

I was raised to be a staunch man, to be scrupulous and to stand for what is right.

Clobberpuppy
I am a real American, fight for the rights of every man!  (Guitar riff)

Spoony Spoonicus
And to murder in the name of a man who had given me no reason to trust him or believe a single thing he said!

..Wow, I belong in here, don't I?

I was to become a hero, a champion among men. My aspiration to cleanse the world of evil allowed me to be fooled by the crazed rhetoric of a madman with visions of grandeur. He ensnared me in his clutches and tossed me into the jaws of doom. Now, here I am, a prisoner of my own trusting nature. Once tried, I will no doubt be damned to die.

Zero X. Diamond
Twoson still has the death penalty.


Mitchell

So, you're really not the bad guy everyone makes you out to be, are you?

Zero X. Diamond
I ask because I am the most gullible, trusting man ever to live.  Tell me anything and I'll believe it without question!

Professor Monocle McTopHat
Why sir, haven't you heard? The word gullible is no longer a standard word in the Merriam Webster dictionary!


Clockwork

No. But what does it matter now? Come tomorrow, I will be sentenced to death for a murder which I was confounded into committing.

Spoony Spoonicus
Does this take place in the Phoenix Wright universe?  No other legal system is that speedy!
Zero X. Diamond
Twoson also has the most streamlined court system in the nation.

Mitchell

Let me tell you something, Clockwork. I've met a lot of people in my time, throughout my travels, but I've never met such an upstanding one as you.

Zero X. Diamond
I mean, you said you're a good guy, even if you did murder an innocent man.  That's way better than most of the people I meet!  Incidentally, I usually run with gang bangers and serial killers.

 You're a far cry from evil, and there ain't nothing that can change my mind about that. I mean it. I've seen Popes less devoted to good than you, Clockwork, and that's their job!

Spoony Spoonicus
Social commentary!
Zero X. Diamond
Well, that and making sure Catholics don't use condoms.


That's why you should escape.

Clockwork

I should what?

Mitchell

You should bust out of here. I'm sure you could do it. If you could kill Zero Diamond with your bare hands and a nine-foot plus robot who can break swords with his stomach couldn't, I'm sure a concrete wall won't hold you back for long.

Clockwork
But will doing so not simply make my inevitable punishment more severe?

Mitchell

If you're really the righteous man you say you are, then you just gotta do this.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Incriminate yourself further!  It's the only way.

 Because no hero, damned or otherwise, would let evil have its way. And if your death is inevitable, then what really do you have to lose?

Mayor Mike Haggar
Well, you could wait to speak to a lawyer, see if the DA has an actual case against you first, maybe see if you can negotiate a plea deal... I'm just throwing out ideas here.


Go, Clockwork. Break free. Make everything right.

Clockwork

You... are right. You are absolutely right! You have blessed me with the words of your gnosis. I will raze him from the face of the Earth, and send him back to the very bowels of Gehenna from whence he crawled!

Professor Monocle McTopHat
My 'top hat' feels thiiis small right now.


(He punches a hole through the back wall.

Zero X. Diamond
He uses his head to bash through the concrete, since his thick skull is denser than dark matter.


Once large enough, he climbs through it.)

Clockwork

I shall never forget you, Mitchell! And may you live to see thousands more happy days!

Mitchell

Goodbye, friend. Goodbye.

Spoony Spoonicus
Middle-aged mentally ill hobos are the noblest men of all.
Professor Monocle McTopHat
Haven't you heard? Homeless vagabonds are the best dispensers of sagacious advice!


(Clockwork exits. Shortly after, the Police rush in.)

First Policeman

What happened in here?

Mitchell

Clockwork left to go find the guy who set him up.

Second Policeman

[advancing menacingly] Listen up, hobo. If I find out you had anything to do with this-

Zero X. Diamond
Ah, a cop intimidating a homeless man, threatening him with violence.  Finally, a realistic portrayal of the police!


(The first Policeman holds back the second.)

First Policeman

Calm down. If he had anything to do with it, you think he'd still be here?

Second Policeman

Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.

Spoony Spoonicus
Who gave badges to Scratch and Grounder here?

First Policeman

We better get out there and look for that maniac.

Second Policeman

Right. Let's go!

(They exit, stage left. Curtains close. End of Scene.)


Scene 8


(The curtains remain closed for the beginning of the scene.)

Clockwork

Rachettinello, you vile coward! Where are you hiding?

(He is heard walking. When he stops, he tears a note off of something.)

Clockwork

What is this? Let me see...

Rachettinello

Dear Clockwork, I anticipated that you'd escape from prison to try and stop me. That's why I decided to write you this little note. I've left to erect myself a fortress out of the Earth itself. You'll never see me again.

Mayor Mike Haggar
You'll never think to look for me in the place I told you to look for me!  I'm a GENIUS!  Muahahaha!


I will conquer the world, and soon the entire universe. And as for you, you'll be dead. Because I'm sure that by the time you've finished reading this, the church will have collapsed. You'd be surprised how easy it is to rig up buildings to kill people. Yours truly, Rachettinello.


Zero X. Diamond
 XOXOXO

 P.S. There's meatloaf in the fridge in case you get hungry while you're dying.



Clockwork

Oh cruelest of fates!

Zero X. Diamond
 Is this suddenly a black and white silent melodrama?  Are we going to cut to Rachettinello twisting his curly mustache with Katie tied to the railroad tracks?
Professor Monocle McTopHat
I do say, I believe my monocle has popped right off with that dramatic chord!



To be pressed flat by the very place I call home!

(There is a loud, creaking noise.)

Clockwork

Wait! Perhaps if I do this just right...

(There is a long, thundering crash, like that of a large stone building crumbling into dust.)

Zero X. Diamond
Clockwork did not do it just right, and we see his all of his blood and vital organs squeeze out from beneath the rubble like a gritty red paste.


Katie

What was that?

Rocky

It sounds like a big building of some sort just came crashing down.

Zero X. Diamond
 Specifically, it sounds exactly like a large stone building crumbling into dust.

Spoony Spoonicus
He knows this because, being friends of Ryoto and Zero, he's heard it happen many, many times.


Katie

We better go see if anybody's hurt!

Boss Bandit

Let's hurry up and get going then!

(There is hurried running heard from stage left. The curtains finally open,

Zero X. Diamond
 Defying the possibility of it all being over and prompting the audience to boo and hiss.


 revealing a giant mound of rubble on stage right, and Katie, Rocky and Boss Bandit on stage left.)

Rocky

It looks like it must have been a church of some sort.

Boss Bandit

Yeah, that's a church alright. Some priests hung out there, until about two years ago, when they began getting murdered. Those who weren't killed fled in terror. It's been long since abandoned.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh Christ, is this going to be like Frozen now?  Are we going to be reminded of this plot point a million fucking times now?


Katie

No, it can't be! Daddy said Clockwork lives in a church. And all of us saw him go this way.

Rocky

Do you suppose he's been crushed?

Katie

I hope not.

Zero X. Diamond
The little girl who tearfully begged her zombie dad not to resume being dead is going to be really upset if his killer died.


(The ticking always emanating from Clockwork is suddenly heard again, but quite muffled.)

Spoony Spoonicus
Why is this even a thing?  Is he a cyborg?  A clock-themed supervillain?  Did he eat Captain Hook's watch?  What?

Katie

Hey, listen! Do you hear a ticking sound?

(They all listen closely.)

Rocky

I do hear something!

Boss Bandit

Sounds like a clock!

Katie

We've got to get him out of there!

(They go over to the rubble and start moving as much of it as they can. After a bit of digging,

Zero X. Diamond
They discover a door-to-door clock salesman crushed into powder next to a bulletproof case filled with his wares.


Clockwork digs himself out of the rest.)

Katie

You really aren't a bad guy, are you?

Clockwork

I assure you, I would not bury myself in the rubble of my own home.

Rocky

Did you find out who did this to you?

Clockwork

That blackguard's name is Rachettinello.

Rocky

What?!? But Zero-

Zero X. Diamond
Never actually fought him in any of these stories!


Clockwork

He immolated him, yes, I am aware. He claims to have escaped from Gehenna.

Rocky

Hell?

Zero X. Diamond
I like that even the other characters don't understand half of the alphabet soup he spews.


Clockwork

Even death could not stop his evil.

Boss Bandit

How are we gonna stand any chance against a guy who was dead?

Katie

Daddy said we could do it. That's all I need to know.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Darling, your daddy's big plan to infiltrate an evil alien warlord's fortress involved girl scout cookies.  Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to trust his judgment.


Rocky

You're absolutely right! If he came back from the dead to tell us we could, he must be pretty confident in our ability to get the job done.

Boss Bandit

Maybe... just maybe... it wasn't only coincidence that brought me to you? Maybe... it was something more?

Zero X. Diamond
Nope.

Spoony Spoonicus
Oh great, now even the murderous brigand is buying into their bullshit.


Clockwork

Tetragrammaton

Zero X. Diamond
Oh man, he was my favorite Transformer!  He could turn into a school bus and had the power to shoot atomic rays!


works in mysterious ways.

Boss Bandit

So that's it then? The four of us versus him?

Rocky

Looks like it.

Boss Bandit

We don't even know where he is!

(It is at that very moment that the sky darkens, and there is roaring thunder. The Earth gives out a mighty scream as a fortress of rock bursts forth from it. Somewhere far off, of course. How would you emulate that on stage, anyhow?

Clobberpuppy
Practical effects!

Zero X. Diamond
Maybe you shouldn't be writing a stage play, past me.  Maybe you should be writing an ~ANIME~.


 Everybody feels the shock, and is shaken or knocked down.)

Katie

What's happening?

Clockwork

[coldly] Rachettinello.

Rocky

That was him?

Clockwork

He left a mocking letter before the church collapsed on me. In it, he did say he was going to erect a fortress out of the Earth itself.

Boss Bandit

Then... this is it. This really is it. The final battle. Earth's future rests on our shoulders.

Spoony Spoonicus
We're screwed.

Rocky

It seems it may just be.

(Boss Bandit slowly gains confidence in his expression.)

Boss Bandit

I may be a scumbag, but I'm ready to fight to the last man. If he wants to kill you guys, he'll have to tear through me first.

Zero X. Diamond
What I'm saying is, you'll probably have thirty seconds or so to get ready before he's coming at you.
Mayor Mike Haggar
Willing to lay down his life for someone he met less than an hour ago.  This guy came straight from an Uwe Boll movie.



Clockwork

He will not harm you as long as my lungs still draw air. For it is my duty to God, He who made us all, Tetragrammaton, the Lord almighty!

Zero X. Diamond
Man, and he was always talking in raps, too.  He knew how to bust those sick Autobot rhymes like nobody's business.


Katie

We'll get him! We'll beat him, I know we will!

Rocky

All we have to do is find a particularly nasty looking place made out of stone, and chances are that we'll have found him.

Clockwork

Onward, to destiny!

Spoony Spoonicus
This guy must have had one hell of a time in elementary school.  I'd get a swirlie for just writing that word...

(They all rush off stage, stage right. Curtains close. End of Scene.)


Scene 9


(The scene begins in front of the grand drape. Katie, Rocky, Boss Bandit and Clockwork enter from stage left. They look around, confounded.)

Boss Bandit

Where are we?

Rocky

We're lost. Terribly, hopelessly lost.

Katie

No! We can't be lost! We can't!

Clockwork

We have fallen prey to his iniquitous acumen.

Zero X. Diamond
There's an iniquitous rain acumen.

Spoony Spoonicus
Rocky tore the Thesaurus from his hands and set it alight before throwing it aside.  "That's quite enough of that."


Katie

What do you mean, Mr. Clockwork?

Clockwork

By some unholy deed, he seems to have sealed his lair from our sight.

Rocky

It'd be pretty hard to miss a stronghold jutting out of the ground in any other circumstances, I'm sure.

Unhelpful Text Parser
You stand before a giant stone stronghold.  Its door is firmly shut.
> Look stronghold
You see no strongholds here.

Boss Bandit

We'll never find him!

Katie

Don't say that! We will too!

Boss Bandit

Even if we do, it'll probably be too late to stop him!

(Rocky backhands Boss Bandit.)

Zero X. Diamond
It's a good start, but can you do that to the rest of the cast while you're at it?


Rocky

Pull yourself together! Just about an hour ago, you said you'd give your life to defend us. Now, you're going to go back to being a coward?

Boss Bandit

Well, if he really is hidden by some kind of black magic, then how in the name of God are we going to find him? He could very well be anywhere.

Clockwork

[thinking] In the name of God...

Zero X. Diamond
What could it mean??


Rocky

We have to try! Even if we don't know where he is!

Clockwork

[still thinking] In the name of God...

Zero X. Diamond
WHAT COULD IT MEAN??????


Boss Bandit

Yeah, but just plain trying probably won't help us much.

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