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4/23/2014

Let's Play Pokemon Fire Red "Roguelike" Playlist

Let's Play Pokemon Fire Red "Roguelike", Part 1

Pokemon's gotten stale.  Let's make it interesting again.



So what is this?

Personally, I got bored of Pokemon around the time of the third generation, largely because the games are trivially easy and all start to feel exactly the same only a few hours in.  But I recently heard of the Nuzlocke rules (henceforth referred to as "Ultimate Death Challenge") and the Pokemon Randomizer, and I decided to combine the two in an experiment I affectionately call the "Pokemon Roguelike."

Essentially, I've randomized a large portion of the game.  The pokemon found in each area are scrambled, as are the starters (though still limited to the first in a three-step evolution to keep the spirit of things), Trainer names, classes and Pokemon, and all held/found items in the game.  TM moves and learnability were also randomized, though learnability was set to favor Pokemon of the same type.

In addition to the standard Nuzlocke Ultimate Death Challenge Rules (only the first Pokemon encountered in an area may be caught, and fainted Pokemon are considered "dead" and must be released immediately), I'm playing by the following rules that make things more "roguelike".
  • The "first catch" rule is not enforced before I get my first Pokeballs.
  • The randomizer has options to start with the National Pokedex (which allows non-native Pokemon to evolve) and to turn trade-based evolutions into level/item based evolutions.  I enabled both.  Would suck to not be able to make full use of a good portion of the Pokemon in the game, after all.
  • All Pokemon caught must be named
  • "White out" is considered a Game Over and the game must be re-randomized and started from scratch.
  • Legendaries may be caught (if they are the first I encounter in an area, of course) but are banned from use.  They would radically unbalance the game in my favor, after all.
  • Each Pokemon center can only be used twice.
  • Reloading saved games to undo losses is forbidden.  Whatever happens, happens.



Areas visited and Pokemon caught
  • Starter - Cyndaquil named Sporkupine
  • Route 1 - Jumpluff named Dandy
  • Route 22 - None (due to stupidity)
  • Route 2 - Starmie named Gazer
  • Viridian Forest - Pelipper named Hopper
Pokemon lost
  • None!
Centers used
  • Pallet Town (1)
  • Viridian City (1)

4/21/2014

Let's Play Fallout 2 "Captain Kirk", Part 7

We do a bunch of fun stuff in New Reno.  Suffice to say there's not much chance of coming out of here with a net gain in Karma.



A couple neat things I forgot to show:


Check the pool table next to the stairs on the second floor of Bishop's casino to find the Magic 8-Ball.  Not much use unless you have a Luck stat of 8 or higher, but it's quite a bit of fun if you do.  Maybe I'll make a bonus video about it...


Uncovering a specific grave in Golgotha will also earn you the Mirrored Shades, which give you a +1 Charisma bonus if you have them equipped as your active item.  Worth the Karma drop.

4/18/2014

Top 15 Sega Dreamcast Games

The Dreamcast was Sega's final entry into the gaming hardware market; lackluster sales paired with Sony's aggressive advertising of the technologically superior Playstation 2 led to significant financial losses for Sega, causing them to pull the plug in early 2001 - only a year and a half after the system debuted.  However, for such a short lived console it had a surprisingly strong library of games.  This was in no small part thanks to some heavy support from Capcom, who were in their innovative prime in this era.  It was also an extremely innovative platform for its time, being the first console to feature online play as well as utilizing its specially-designed memory cards to introduce unique features and minigames to many of their system's titles.  So that said, let's take a look at my 15 favorites.

But first, a couple honorable mentions.

Skies of Arcadia is Sega's cult classic RPG for the system, and like many Sega games, has a great sense of imagination to it.  However, I found that the high encounter rate and dragging pace of the combat make it a bit difficult to enjoy for long periods.  Still, if you're a fan of Rieko Kodama games, it's worth checking out.

Shenmue was an ambitious undertaking for its time, a gigantic four-disc adventure title spanning a huge game world where your character went on a quest to avenge his father's death.  The game is largely comprised of doing detective work by gathering clues and asking around while getting into the occasional punch-up with various goons (eventually culminating in a 70-man battle with the bad guy's thugs!).  Overall, it's a fairly slow paced game with a lot of corny dialog and equally cheesy voice acting, but the sheer attention to detail and scope of the project (a $70 million dollar budget for a single game was unheard of in 1999) was nothing short of amazing for its time.  It's a shame that the story never saw a proper conclusion due to low sales.  But who knows - with Yu Suzuki looking into crowd-funding options, maybe we'll see this story get a proper conclusion.



15. Chu Chu Rocket (Sonic Team, 2000)


A fiendishly addictive action puzzler and the first Dreamcast game to feature online play, Chu Chu Rocket has you laying down arrows in order to guide mice into a rocketship in order to get them safely away from the cats and pitfalls scattered about the level.  A pretty simple concept, but it becomes downright crazy when you throw in the pink bonus mice that cause all sorts of random effects - flooding the screen with hundreds of mice, spawning several cats to wreak havoc, swapping the positions of players' rockets, and other such craziness definitely kept players on their toes.  It even had a custom stage builder and a puzzle mode that kept things fresh long after the online servers went down.  I'm honestly kind of surprised this one hasn't been revived on Xbox Live Arcade or PSN; it's quite a lot of fun for what it is.

14. Power Stone (Capcom, 1999)

One of the system's launch titles, and it was certainly a good way to kick things off.  No mere one-on-one fighter, Power Stone was a downright frantic arena battle where players scrambled for control of the three "Power Stones" - once all three were collected, they would transform into an extremely dangerous powered up form, and the match was usually over shortly thereafter.  There were also plenty of weapons strewn about the levels and environmental objects to use in the fight, such as poles to do spinning kicks off of, crates to throw at your opponents and swords to slash your opponent for extra damage.  A strong competitor for Nintendo's shiny new Super Smash Brothers, if nothing else.

13. Phantasy Star Online (Sonic Team, 2001)


The first MMORPG to be released on a console and a spinoff of Sega's legendary Phantasy Star franchise, PSO definitely offered some enjoyable action, whether online or offline.  With nine playable classes, heavily customizable characters and four gigantic dungeons to tread through while hunting for items and spell upgrades, Phantasy Star Online ensured that its internal modem saw plenty of use.  It was also a valuable lesson for a lot of future game devs as the servers were often plagued with hackers that would delete or disable characters, to say nothing of the prevalence of Rangers running around with hacked Spread Needle +99s.  Oh, and Sega had no way to detect them either since all player data was stored on the player's VMUs rather than online.  Regardless, the game provided some online beat-em-up fun, just as long as you played with friends...

12. The Typing of the Dead (WOW Entertainment/Smilebit, 2001)

The original version of House of the Dead 2 on the Dreamcast was a critical bust, mostly because Sega announced that they would not be releasing their official light gun for it in the United States - and had even gone so far as to disable the use of their Japanese guns entirely.  Pretty lame.  Thankfully, they made up for it a a year later with Typing of the Dead, a game which reworks the whole game as the world's most absurd typing tutor.  You type out words and sentences to shoot down zombies, with additional challenges for the boss battles such as not making a single mistake or having to guess the correct answer to a question, quiz show style.  I don't know what motivated Sega to have this game made, but whatever it was, thanks!

11. Giga Wing (Takumi, 2000)

Among the earliest examples of "bullet hell" shoot-em-ups released in North America, Giga Wing was nothing short of crazy.  Enemies literally cover the screen in bullets as you desperately tried to weave between them, returned fire to slowly whittle them down and unleashed the occasional super shot to not only clear out all opposition at once, but turn them into bonus items that would ramp up your score to truly insane levels.  Ridiculous, over the top fun with an absurd degree of challenge, colorful visuals and not one iota of slowdown.


10. Jet Grind Radio (Smilebit, 2000)


Another trend-setting game, as this was the first video game ever released to feature cel-shaded visuals, which lent it a unique, anime-like feel.  It was also a ton of fun to play with its large, open environments, grafitti and stunt-based gameplay reminiscent of the Tony Hawk games and a crazy storyline with some hilarious voice acting.  Not to mention one of the greatest video game soundtracks of all time.  A game truly worthy of the moniker of "cult classic."



9. Resident Evil: Code Veronica (Capcom/Nextech, 2000)


The smash hit franchise of the Playstation era marched right on into the Dreamcast's library, bringing with it some vastly updated visuals.  Dynamic lighting and shadows and a chase cam were certainly welcome additions to a franchise known for its restrictive camera and static rooms, and only made the game's creep factor more effective - you never knew just what dangers were lying ahead in the game's numerous dark corridors.  It even used the VMU to display your health level so that you didn't have to pause or just guess at it based on your character's walk animation; pretty handy.  Aside from that, the formula isn't terribly different from its Playstation predecessors, but why fix what ain't broken?

8. Crazy Taxi (Hitmaker, 2000)


A game that takes a mundane job and makes it into something awesome, Crazy Taxi is exactly what its title implies.  Pick up customers and drive them to their destination as quickly as possible, earning more time and money the quicker you get there and earning bonus cash for stunts like weaving between cars, launching off ramps, making hairpin turns and going on two wheels.  You could even drive underwater, for crying out loud.  The game fully embraces its inner maniac and the result is a spot of good, silly fun that constantly has you itching to try and top your best score.  Just a pity that neither of its sequels managed to be as good as the original.

7. Tech Romancer (Capcom, 2000)


Capcom's big tribute to giant mecha anime and kaiju, Tech Romancer provides analogs to a lot of famous heroes of the genre - Ultraman, Mazinger Z, Gundam, Pilot Candidate and Macross all make appearances here (in homage form, anyway).  It was also just a damn fun game to play, with plenty of iconic attacks, buildings being knocked down, flashy finishing moves and screen-enveloping explosions and even a unique armor mechanic that would cause your characters' defenses to gradually weaken as they took more hits, with blocked hits only depleting their armor faster.  It's a bit shallow as fighting games go, but it's a tremendous amount of fun, and the sheer attention to detail in story mode and the multiple paths each character's plotline can take make it an absolute treat for anime fans.

6. Bangai-o (Treasure, 2001)


One of the very last games released for the system before its discontinuation, and being made by Treasure, it was quite an experience.  Essentially a side-scrolling shooter combined with a touch of bullet hell, Bangai-o has you blowing up swarms of robots, buildings and the occasional boss while collecting bonus "space fruits" for points.  However, it also has a unique screen-clearing attack - the more shots that are approaching your ship as you fire it, the more missiles you will fire (up to a total of 400 simultaneous shots).  You will absolutely need this to survive, by the way, as enemies are fast and relentless and capable of firing their own equally huge swarms of missiles at you.  Yeah, this game is downright nuts.  So nuts that it's the only game with an on-screen counter keeping track of how many things are blowing up at once (pictured: 665 concurrent explosions!).  It also has a very self-aware sense of humor, poking fun at the bizarre plotlines and awkward translations of numerous 90s shoot-em-ups...

5. Grandia II (Game Arts, 2000)


The Dreamcast had relatively few RPGs owing to its short lifespan, but Game Arts managed to sneak a very good one in during the system's twilight days.  Grandia II certainly had a lot to offer - a very grim storyline with some grotesque monsters and effects, a colorful cast of characters, some great dialog (particularly from Ryudo, whose cynical wit makes him a very enjoyable antihero) and a fantastic combat system that allowed players to stun enemies and even cancel their special attacks with a well timed hit.  Dark, violent, compelling and an absolute blast to play, Game Arts struck gold with this one.  So much so that Square Enix copied its scenario, story and characters (and hell, even some of its mechanics) nearly point for point when they put out Final Fantasy X a year later...

4. Power Stone 2 (Capcom, 2000)


It's a bit hard to believe this game came out less than a year after the first one, since it's a monumental upgrade in just about every way.  Now featuring simultaneous play for up to four players, larger and more dynamic stages (including fighting atop two surfacing and diving submarines - pictured) and a massively upgraded item system that enables nearly any two items to be combined into dozens of different weapons, Power Stone 2 is a game as deep as it is wacky.  Oh, and they also rebalanced the gameplay - the Power Stones are no longer all but a guaranteed victory for whoever gets them first.  Also, there are now six of them floating around in a match at a time, so it's more than possible to collect three stones of your own and fight back against a powered up opponent.  It's just a pity this franchise fell into obscurity after the Dreamcast era, as it's easily on par with, if not better than, Smash Brothers in terms of quality.

3. Garou: Mark of the Wolves (SNK, 2001)


Released several months after Sega officially pulled the plug on the system, Garou was widely overlooked as a result.  A real pity, as this game easily ranks among the best fighters SNK ever released.  Generally seen as SNK's attempt to compete with Street Fighter III, and it shows by featuring buttery smooth animations, the unique TOP system (which powers up your character when your health total dips into a selected third of the bar) and the "Just Defended' mechanic that gives the player a bit of life and the ability to immediately cancel into an attack when they block an opponent's strike at the very last moment (more than a tad reminiscent of Street Fighter III's Parry system).  Easy to pick up and play but deceptively deep, Garou is a fantastic fighting game.

2. Marvel VS Capcom 2: New Age of Heroes (Capcom, 2000)

Something of an "everything and the kitchen sink" conclusion to Capcom's Marvel-licensed fighting game series, this game not only featured every character from Children of the Atom through Marvel VS Capcom, but several new ones as well, bringing the roster to a whopping 56 playable characters.  Any combination of which can be used in a three-man team as you fight against your opponents.  Oh yes, this game is crazy.  Crazy fun, that is.  After all, who doesn't want to have Tron Bonne, Captain Commando and Gambit duke it out with all comers?  Dubious soundtrack aside, this game offers a massive amount of variety and near infinite replay value.  So much so that it's still a fan favorite thirteen years later.

1. Street Fighter III: Third Strike (Capcom, 2000)


Yes, there are a lot of fighting games on this list, but there's a good reason for that as the Dreamcast was home to a lot of the best in the entire genre.  Hell, it was home to the best in the entire genre thanks to Street Fighter III: Third Strike.  After two not-so-great attempts at making Street Fighter III, Capcom finally got things right with this edition. Third Strike brings beautiful 2D visuals, well balanced gameplay and some innovative mechanics to the table, most notable among them being the ability to parry attacks by pressing forward at the exact moment one hits, which not only negates any damage it would cause but gives the player a chance to immediately counterattack.  It also brought in a colorful new cast of characters (only four of which return from previous games) and some of the best 2D animation ever seen in any game of the time, to say nothing of the fighting game genre.  A sight to behold as well as an extremely fun and technical fighting game, Third Strike really does have it all.  Capcom hit it out of the park.

4/16/2014

On those "multi game" handheld units that always sucked balls

[22:03:21] <mud> now I wanna find this commercial for this handheld game system back in the 90s
[22:03:27] <mud> that did the whole 200 IN 1 thing
[22:03:33] <mud> and it was like, just a crappy system
[22:03:53] <mud> but their ad was like THROW YOU OLD GAMES IN THE TRASH!  BUY THIS AND YOUR KIDS WILL LOVE IT!  ALSO IT'S A CALCULATOR SO IT'LL HELP WITH THEIR HOMEWORK
[22:04:10] <AzulRojo> I think I remember something like that.
[22:04:12] <spoonshiro> heh, i remember that
[22:04:18] <spoonshiro> "200 games!"
[22:04:27] <spoonshiro> except there's really about 15 and they're all just slight variations on each other
[22:04:39] <Cap`nRattar> my parents asked me if i wanted one of those once
[22:04:47] <Cap`nRattar> as i was playing diablo 2 or something
[22:05:16] <AzulRojo> Heh.
[22:06:07] <spoonshiro> i remember one in particular had a guy throwing a yoshi's island cart in the garbage
[22:06:09] <spoonshiro> i wanted to murder him
[22:06:27] <AzulRojo> Holy shit.
[22:06:50] <AzulRojo> Okay, Mario's bawling was a little irritating, but daaaaamn.  You don't toss that game into the trash.
[22:06:55] <spoonshiro> a) that game's hard to find and b) it's a hell of a lot better than all those shitty pong and brickout clones on that junk you're hocking

[22:09:32] <mud> found the commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg
[22:09:40] <mud> NEVER BUY THOSE EXPENSIVE CARTRIDGES AGAIN!
[22:09:47] <spoonshiro> haha, yes
[22:09:52] <mud> OVER 2000 WAYS TO PLAY!
[22:10:00] <spoonshiro> all in this one brick-sized compact unit!
[22:10:55] <mud> shooting attack
[22:10:59] <spoonshiro> "Still have mine. More than half of the "200" games are different variations of Tetris.?"
[22:11:16] <mud> hahah
[22:11:25] <spoonshiro> even atari games had better naming chops than that, heh
[22:11:40] <mud> I remember getting mad at that commercial as a kid
[22:11:47] <spoonshiro> Huh, who would have thought that Call of Duty started out as Shooting Attack?
[22:11:48] <spoonshiro> Shooting Attack had way better gameplay
[22:11:52] <mud> because I just imagined how many kids' parents threw out their old games as a result
[22:12:06] <Cap`nRattar> man bringing back bad memories
[22:12:13] <spoonshiro> "you throw out my copy of earthbound and i will drop kick you in the throat!"
[22:12:21] <Cap`nRattar> bought a 64 with my own money weeks later my parents sell my snes
[22:12:22] <AzulRojo> Is that DKC2 getting chucked out?
[22:12:27] <spoonshiro> i think it is
[22:12:28] <AzulRojo> ...holy gods.
[22:12:40] <Cap`nRattar> "oh you didnt need it anymore you have a new one now"
[22:12:43] <spoonshiro> which also makes me want to destroy them because DKC2 is a great game
[22:13:05] <spoonshiro> jeez
[22:13:13] <AzulRojo> Damn, when my parents got us a PlayStation, the NES, SNES, and Game Gear did not get thrown out.
[22:13:27] <AzulRojo> Or sold.
[22:13:43] <spoonshiro> i'd sell some of their shit in protest if they tried, heh.
[22:15:09] <spoonshiro> remember that episode of pete and pete where their parents go on vacation and little pete sells the house?  yeah...

Frozen Part 11

At this point, Sandra had a new, flashing question in her mind,

Zero X. Diamond
Soup or salad?  Boxers or briefs?  Chicken or egg?

and turned to Paula. "Paula, is Mr. Everdred okay?"

Zero X. Diamond
"Who?"


"Mr. Everdred? It's been almost 1 year since I saw him.

Spoony Spoonicus
Too good for the word "a" apparently.


 Last time I did see him was before I was kidnapped by Carpainter. Ness told me he and Everdred met in Twoson prior to his arrival at Happy Happy Village. He also said he last saw Everdred in Fourside when he was beaten up and had the Mani Mani statue stolen from him by men of Monotoli.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Bla bla bla stuff that happened in Earthbound bla bla bla


 We don't know were he went after that."

Zero X. Diamond
If the unused sprite of angel Everdred is any indication, straight to the county morgue.

Spoony Spoonicus
There's also a newspaper article in the game which unambiguously states that he was found dead, so yeah.


Paula replied. Sandra went into a mental panic, "We have to find out what happened to him!

Zero X. Diamond
Uh, why?


I have to let him know I'm alright if he's still alive!

Zero X. Diamond
And this can't wait until AFTER the world is unfrozen and everybody is safe again?


I need to also know how he was. He's a good friend of ours, Paula! He gave us help and advice when Mom and Dad were unable to."

Zero X. Diamond
He was like the skeevy, thieving uncle who lives in a garbage house in the park we never had!

Paula somehow felt suddenly reinvigorated by her sister's pleas. It was like both sisters were once again going to wear on each other like when they were toddlers.

Zero X. Diamond
Lord knows they're already wearing on my patience.


 "You're right! We need to find some way to stop this time freeze so we can find out about the whereabouts of Mr. Everdred!" she replied.

Spoony Spoonicus
Good to see their priorities are in order.


Poo, who was sitting near them asked, "Yes, I would also like to know more about him.

Zero X. Diamond
 I must learn the ways of the bowler hat, dreadlocks and mustache combo.  Only then will I be a true Star Master.


 Ness and Jeff told me that they last saw him before you guys reached Summers. I also heard from Ness that Everdred was the only person who knew you had been taken to Happy Happy Village back then, Paula. Everdred, according to Ness, was quite helpful, even for a thief. "He only uses the thief profession for reputation in Twoson, to make sure people don't attempt to do dirty business in Burglin Park."

Zero X. Diamond
 Oh, right, that makes sense because... huh???


Sandra replied, remembering Mr. Everdred telling her and Paula about that when the two had seen him steal a spice vendor's Jar of Delisauce

Zero X. Diamond
I can only imagine that Delisauce is just an assortment of lunchmeats that have been blended smooth.


in those days, and confronted him about it.

Spoony Spoonicus
This story has more pointless cutaways in it than an average episode of Family Guy...


"Yes, we need to figured out about where Mr. Everdred could've gone, and if he's even still alive." Poo said, agreeing.

Zero X. Diamond
Fucking... WHY???  What relevance does he have to this story that we're suddenly dropping everything to go look for him???  Does he have a secret "unfreeze Earth" button hidden under his hat or something???
Spoony Spoonicus
It's bad enough that the heroes of one of my favorite games of all time are involved in this mess.  Don't drag in the second string characters too!


Sandra looked over to Nebiroth, who took the look as a question and replied, "I go with you as well. You defeat Sardius, you save us. I am part guardian to you now, Pink-Haired Brat."

Zero X. Diamond
In the Phantom Zone, murdering somebody's master makes them your legal guardian.


he said with one of his old insults, but not with his usual hoarse voice, but with a chuckle, and then a little chuckle in his face.

Zero X. Diamond
I'm not even going to attempt to parse this one.


 "We need to see how that one intruder is going with his interogation." said Poo.

Spoony Spoonicus
"I couldn't be bothered to go back and look up his name."

Zero X. Diamond
Not before you find the amazing Mr. Everdred!!


 Nebiroth was about to agree, but then a heard a familar and shrill sound,

Zero X. Diamond
"MEGATRON IS NO LONGER FIT TO LEAD THE DECEPTICONS!"


"FOOD!!!" "Augh! Stupid stomach face!!" Nebiroth growled, realizing he was once again agonizingly hungry. They went to see if Zac or Brett had any food stored around for poor Nebiroth and his stomach, before the high-notes from his stomach face did some possible damage to something in the complex...

Zero X. Diamond
Stomach face has a voice like Klaus Nomi.

Mayor Mike Haggar
And this marks, what, the 20th scene Fanboy's written where we've accomplished absolutely fucking nothing?


"We've lost ChaosGallantmon..." The scientist sighed. "I told him..."

Zero X. Diamond
Wait, you told who what?


Another scientist walked up to the first.

Zero X. Diamond
Is this the setup to a joke?

Clobberpuppy
And said "ow."


"It doesn't matter anymore. We have the coordinates of their base. And, better yet, they are clueless as to our knowlege of it. We can send creature after creature at them until-"

"No. Every time we make one, it uses up our resources.

Clobberpuppy
We only have so much silly putty we can use!

Zero X. Diamond
Just open task manager and end the process.  Boom, resources freed.


Each one's stronger than the next,

Zero X. Diamond
 And each one is more embarrassingly stupid than the next, too.


but that strength is not enough. I need to talk to the commander..."

---

Glenn volunteered to help with the interrogation. He had experience in that area.

Zero X. Diamond
Reading a detective-themed choose your own adventure book doesn't count.


 He tucked the Darksaber away, since the idea was not to kill the person.

Ness also volunteered. It was somewhat breaking away from his straight-forward style, but how could he not participate, having been the designated leader for so long?

Zero X. Diamond
Easily, being that you are now second fiddle to a bunch of terrible author characters.


Meanwhile, Kyle left the complex to check up on the battle going on in Fourside.

Zero X. Diamond
I was kind of hoping we'd just forget about that and the retarded Digimon shit would be left behind.



~~~~the Nomad~~~~
"ChaosGallantmon isn't dead," said the scientist.

Zero X. Diamond
Please, no!  Let him die!


 "Al least,

Zero X. Diamond
Which Sierra adventure game was Al Least in?


 not as long as I have a say in things." He took out his box of cards, and swiped a recharged card.

Zero X. Diamond
This might be the dumbest thing to happen yet.

Spoony Spoonicus
Admittedly I'm not familiar with that season of the show since I quit watching before it aired, but... what the fuck?  They can just completely heal themselves whenever they want?  Where's the tension?

~~~~The Base~~~~
ChaosGallantmon was feeling his strength returning to him. Slowly. Slowly. It was all coming back. His armor was repairing. He felt stronger.
But there was one problem.

Zero X. Diamond
He was a complete moron.


He was trapped.

Zero X. Diamond
This was a loveless marriage.


He had to call for hs teammates.

Zero X. Diamond
The high school football team would probably be more than a match for these chucklefucks.


~~~~outside~~~~

"WereGrowlithmon," said DoomWereGrowlithmon, "you're going down!"

"DoomWereGrowlithmon!" said ChaosGallantmon over a radio.

Clobberpuppy
"Have you seen Bappabappabobappabananafanafofappamemimomappamon?"
"No."
"How about Antidisestablishmentarianmon?"
"No!"

"Can you hear me? I'm trapped! Please help! I'm sending you my corridanites!"

Zero X. Diamond
This is either another stupid Digimon thing or the mother of all typos.


"Roger!" said DoomWereGrowlithmon. "**** you, WereGrowlithmon!

Zero X. Diamond
Nah, you guys have been doing enough of that already.


I got better plans!"

Zero X. Diamond
If your plan is "end this piece of shit and do something better," then I agree that it's better.


And DoomWereGrowlithmon flew off in the direction of Threed.

However, WereGrowlithmon wasn't going to go and let him do anything. He stayed on DoomWereGrowlithmon tail.

"Waitaminute WereGrowlithmon! If you're double's gone, give me a hand with mine!" WarriorNacemon yelled from not too far away. "He doen't know how to split us!" he pulled out a card-half blue, half red.

Spoony Spoonicus
They don't need some dumbass third grader to do this for them?  What's this Digimon fanfic coming to?!

WereGrowlithmon nodded, and he swiped it.

code:
 DNA DIGIVOLUTION_
DNA Digivolution activate!
WarriorNacemon! WereGrowlithmon!
DNA Digivolve to!
Omedramon!

Yes, the triumphrant return of Omedramon!

Spoony Spoonicus
Who?

Zero X. Diamond
Were we supposed to be looking forward to this?


"DoomWereGrowlithmon! Get back here! We can...d...n...i'm dead." DarkWarriorNacemon called. But DoomWereGrowlithmon was long gone.

Clobberpuppy
Hooray!  Now please never come back.

"Omezooka!" A giat blast of pure energy went flying at DarkWarriorNacemon. Then a few punches and kicks, and a "Bi-Elemental Blast!" sent Dark WarriorNacemon to a premature death.

Spoony Spoonicus
Bisexual Beam wins the day.


 Omedramon absorbed his data to make sure he never came back.

Spoony Spoonicus
Was that a thing on the show too or is this just something to ensure that he doesn't come back in this story?  Because either way, THANK YOU.


-----------ABOARD THE NOMAD---------

"We lost all life signs from DarkWarriorNacemon! He's gone!" A scouter(DBZ)-like device

Zero X. Diamond
So the science team are wearing scouters and swiping cards up there.  If somebody tosses out a pokeball, they'll officially be the biggest dorks ever.

Spoony Spoonicus
They might as well just rename this fanfic "Invasion of the Manchildren".

was showing power levels of the battlefields. "Holy blue cow!(sorry, i had to do it.)

Zero X. Diamond
No, you really didn't.


That's huge! What a power level!"

Spoony Spoonicus
Every episode of Dragonball Z in a nutshell.
"My arbitrary number is bigger than the other guy's, I'm sure to win now!  Time to waste four episodes just toying with him!"
"Oh no, I spent too long dicking around and now the other guy's s number is bigger now!  I'm in trouble!"
"Oh wait, now I've pulled some deus ex machina out of my ass and gotten EVEN STRONGER!  No wait, now he did the same thing!  Oh no!"
"Stay tuned for the next 400 episodes where the exact same shit happens!"
Curtain.

"What? Holy <censored>! That's at least triple DarkWarriorNacemon's! If that thing gets up here...!"

"Don't wory, sir, we still have ChaosGallantmon and DoomWereGrowlithmon is going to help him. We can still beat them!"

"Good. Message ChaosGallantmon to combine with Grani...tell him his power will double..."

Clobberpuppy
She'll bake some cookies WITH YOUR SEVERED SKULL.


--- On the Nomad ---

The captain was bored.

Zero X. Diamond
Not as bored as us.


 Swiveling in his chair, he pondered the recent events. First, the few unfrozen individuals on the surface hindered his conquest of the planet for its resources.

Zero X. Diamond
Because, again, that was TOTALLY your original motivation.


Next, two or three ships came and attacked him and his crew. Followed by some huge cannon-like beam from the surface flying at them, making it seem that the few people made a giant laser gun. Then, Smidgen's destruction at the hands of a new being on the planet, who then was charged with shooting at Nomad. Then ChaosGallantmon's capture.

"What am I doing wrong?!" the captain shouted.

Zero X. Diamond
Here's a hint: come up with less retarded plans.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Oh let's see.  Shooting your own crew members for no good reason, going into this stupid attack on an innocent planet without an exit strategy, getting Digimon involved for no good reason, not having any fucking clue what your own motivations are...

"This should have been done a long time ago!

Zero X. Diamond
I agree with you here though.


 It should've been simple!" Then, an idea struck him. It seemed so simple that it would've been the last thing he'd thought of.

Zero X. Diamond
Just reverse the access code!

"Get a scientist up here, now!"

As soon as a scientist was on the bridge, the captain told him the plan.

"That should've been one of the first things to do, shouldn't have?" the scientist shook his head.

Zero X. Diamond
"We do a thing of last which first been should have?  Not a smart to be do this!!"

"Yes, it should've. No matter, send the USA to ChaosGallantmon.

Zero X. Diamond
USA!  USA!  USA!  USA!


He can make good use of it."

Clobberpuppy
Dr. Robotnik himself couldn't come up with a better plan!

Zero X. Diamond
 Ahh, I see the plan now.  He's going to ruin their economy, create a gaping political divide, and convince half the population to vote against their own interests!  Brilliant!!


--- At the complex ---

The scientist relayed a communication to ChaosGallantmon and the monster chuckled.

"This will be so easy," he replied as he grew stronger and more repaired. As soon as the two were done mapping out a strategy, ChaosGallantmon was back to full. At that same moment, Zac, Glenn, and Ness entered the room.

--- Outside the interrogation room ---

"Nebiroth, if you need something to eat, go to our pantry.

Zero X. Diamond
A super high-tech base and they have an old-fashioned pantry?  Did Grandma design their complex, or what?

Spoony Spoonicus
Can't they do anything off camera?  Do we need to see every single fucking thing anyone ever does?  Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.
Clobberpuppy
Presented in Stalkervision (TM)

It's got a lot of food there for you, and I mean, a LOT," Brett said. He told Nebiroth how to get there and as soon as Brett was done, the hungry demon sped off as fast as he could.

Spoony Spoonicus
A glacial waddle.


Just then, the room behind the watchers shattered into millions of pieces of debris. Zac, Glenn, and Ness shielded themselves from the explosion.

"You are all finished!" ChaosGallantmon shouted. Pulling out a bazooka-like gun,

Mayor Mike Haggar
Where the hell did he get that?  Unless they were dumb enough to leave a loaded bazooka right outside his holding cell.

Spoony Spoonicus
As stupid as these guys are, we can't rule it out.


he placed it on his shoulder. Looking through the scope, he chose his target. "Ultra Stasis Array (note: that's what USA stands for)!"

Zero X. Diamond
Are you some kind of pinko commie?  Don't you ever profane the name of the glorious USA with your lies!

Sergeant Hartman
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!  Drop and give me twenty, you Ho Chi Minh loving mama's boy, or I will personally BEAT some patriotism into you!


 A red glow emitted from the end of the cannon. The Ultra Stasis Array fired and struck its target: Brett. Thinking the gun was energy-based, he figured he could block the beam. Instead, he found himself now frozen in time like the rest of the planet, in a blocking stance.

Zero X. Diamond
Okay, okay, hold the fuck up!  What the hell is this?  How does this thing suddenly work on him when the original stasis beam didn't??


Zac dusted the debris off of himself and helped Glenn and Ness to their feet. As soon as he finished, he saw the beam strike his brother. The dust cleared and a now-frozen Brett emerged.

"Brett, no!" Zac cried, running towards his twin.

"Zac look out!" Glenn shouted, but too late. ChaosGallantmon struck Zac from behind with the USA. Another moment later, Zac was stilled in a running position.

Spoony Spoonicus
Better that than swished.


"Who's next?" ChaosGallantmon sneered, readying the Ultra Stasis Array.

(Cecil, you can stil Dispel the effects, but it'll take a bit more effort from Sandra since the stasis effect is concentrated to stop the group. Also [to everyone], the device itself isn't easily broken.)

Spoony Spoonicus
She'll have to cast it TWICE instead of just once!

...Don't laugh, by the way.  That's exactly what happens.

Bob's smile of confidence simply vanished when he heard steam from the hydraulics of the door. From beyond it, he heard the echoing of CG's voice.

"<censored> it! Why did this happen?"

He pressed a button next to the door.

"Access denied."

He cursed loudly. His fist connected several times with the button pad.

Clobberpuppy
The fingers you have used to input this passcode are too fat.  To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with the palm of your hand..


"Access denied. Auto-defense system has been engaged."

"SON OF A (@#*%!! LET ME OUT!!"

Zero X. Diamond
I instinctively read that as Q*Bert speak.

Bob was getting furious. He wanted a piece of that jerk.

Zero X. Diamond
You forgot the y there.  He wanted a piece of that jerky before ChaosGallantmon ate it all.


But the door didn't seem to agree with Bob's motive. Something was very wrong. Bob could feel it inside of him.

Zero X. Diamond
Yes, Bob, there IS something very wrong with you.

Clobberpuppy
Irritable Bowel Syndrome is like a storm raging inside you.


A few little sparks came from him.

Zero X. Diamond
For a guy with no unusual abilities, he certainly seems to be able to do a lot of unusual things.


His hand slid into the crevice the door was in. And he began pulling. The door was very resistant.

"Access denied. Access denied."

Bob roared with fury. He had had enough of the computer's crap. The force building up inside of him was beginning to show. And then, it happened. His state of pure fury gave him so much offensive power, he pushed the door into the wall from hence it came.

He fell out the door, completely relaxed now. That had really taken a lot out of him. And confused him. A lot.

Spoony Spoonicus
Retard strength tends to do that.

But the sight of ChaosGallantmon brought an insane grin to his face.

So he charged for him while his back was turned and leapt onto his shoulders, digging the knife deep into the scales of his armor...

Zero X. Diamond
Bob has the memory of a goldfish.


In the pantry, which was barely tall enough for Nebiroth to fit in,

Zero X. Diamond
Yeah, wait a minute... how has he been fitting in all these buildings?  He's like, 11 feet tall, right?  Do the Polestars have a huge front door and vaulted ceilings?  Does the complex have the world's tallest pantry?


Nebiroth, Sandra, Paula, and Poo decided that they should all get nourishment.

Clobberpuppy
Here's where Spoony goes berserk.

Spoony Spoonicus
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh
hhhhh.....

They were going to need for the following battles ahead of them. Little did they realize just how soon that next battle would come. Sandra was eating a Large Bolonga sandwich,

Zero X. Diamond
Sandra loves the large bologna.

and wondering about the recent events, and maybe of ideas of how to give assistance. She was also worried sick about Mr. Everdred, knowing that he'd want to know that she was okay.

Zero X. Diamond
When reached for questioning, Mr. Everdred had this to say: "Sandra who?"


Sandra then suddenly got a feeling of her intitution, as she noticed the red glow of Haste had once again appeared out of nothing around her. Auto-Hasted again?! Sandra suddenly felt a bad feeling, Oh no! Something's likely wrong!

Mayor Mike Haggar
Your grammar is most certainly wrong.
Zero X. Diamond
That's such an awkward way to phrase that.


 Suddenly a ear-piercing shriek of ChaosGallentmon, being violently attacked by Bob had reached the room, confirming Sandra's bad feeling. Nebiroth, Paula and Poo had heard it just the same. "Guys, that intruder must've gotten free! He's probably on a rampage right now looking for us!! We gotta all hide!"

Zero X. Diamond
The girl who could tie the Eiffel Tower into a pretzel without breaking a sweat wants everyone to hide from the bad guy that she already pushed to death's door once.


Sandra then looked at Nebiroth, who could barely stand in the room, and realized him hiding in that little time just wasn't going to happen. "Nebiroth! Darn it! He's not gonna be able to hide with his size!" "Nebiroth not hide! Nebiroth fight! You know better!" he growled back, preparing himself to fight. "Alright, sorry I even mentioned it!" she snapped back. "But he may be expecting us this time. We can't just blindly attack that guy."

Mayor Mike Haggar
What makes this time any different than the rest?


Back near the interogation room, Bob was still contining his assault from the back of ChaosGallentmon, where the USA couldn't reach and help him. "How does it feel to be the victim this time?!" Bob growled, furiously slashing and hack at the back of Chaos, his new strength allowing him to tear through the digimon's armor like paper.

Clobberpuppy
Or cardBORED.


Ness was at the sidelines, and decided to lend a helping hand, and used Paralysis Alpha on ChaosGallentmon, causing his left leg to become paralyzed. "Why you.. ow!!!" Chaos couldn't even growl at Ness before being continiously attacked by Bob's fury. Ness just quickly growled to Bob "Jump back, I'm gonna attack him!!"

Zero X. Diamond
 "You're not the boss of me!  I'm an author character!!"


Bob, not wanting to do so, but realizing of Ness's attack, reluctantly did so. Ness unleashed PK Special Omega upon ChaosGallentmon, ripping the remainder of his armor off, including the regenerative section, so now he wasn't able to regenerate his torso armor, and in sentence had sent Chaos flying almost a mile backwards through another wall.

Mayor Mike Haggar
A mile?  That's a big fucking building then.


Chaos growled, still with life, but his leg was still paralyzed, and he cursed when he realized his armor couldn't regenerate anymore. He still had the USA cannon armed, and quickly shot towards Ness, but before he could, Bob had jumped in the way and held out his arm, blocking the blast, but his arm was now frozen, and his knife in it also frozen, unable to dislodge it to his unfrozen hand.

Zero X. Diamond
Being how he pretty much wants to fellate that knife, I don't see how this is a problem.


Bob realized his new power must've allowed the majority of his body to resist the blast, but not his one arm.

Zero X. Diamond
His new power that he gained despite not having any powers.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Happy Bob is pretty much that loser character in every 80s cartoon that has no powers and never manages to do anything useful, but the heroes let him tag along anyway just because they feel sorry for him. 

Chaos laughed at this, and suddenly laughed even more, as DoomWereGrowlithmon was able to materialize in near him. "What happened to you?!" "My leg's paralyzed, and my armor's shot! You came just in the nick of time! It's possible I could be destroyed still, but make sure the USA doesn't get destroyed with me, so stay alert in case something happens!"

Clobberpuppy
This dialog is so awful that I'd rather listen to a chorus of belching cows.


 "Right!" DWGM replied, taking the beam from CG's injured form. He growled at Ness and Bob, "You won't deal with us much longer. Say hello to the twins over here in frozen land!" he growled, pointing to Brett and Zac. He again shot the beam towards Ness and Bob, intent on finishing CG's work, but miracles occured once again. At that moment, a large figured faded in in front of Bob and Ness, the form of Nebiroth. "No one be frozen!!" he growled, and shot a barrage of flames and blasted the beam aside into a wall harmlessly. "What the?!" DWGM growled "YOU again?!" Chaos growled at Nebiroth, "What are you?!"

Zero X. Diamond
Louie Anderson!!


 "Your doom!" Nebiroth growled, shoot more flames towards DWGM, who was now shooting Nebiroth with the beam. Nebiroth began to slow down a little in his attack, but he wasn't totally freezing. After 20 seconds of a continous beam, Nebiroth had only been slown down and not frozen, much to the terror of DWGM, "WHY isn't it working the same on him?! It's only slowing him down!"

Mayor Mike Haggar
Bad writing.  I thought you'd be used to it by now.

"Nebiroth, Nebiroth fake immume to Stop!" the beast growled. DWGM was about to curse, but even the slowed Nebiroth found this time to attack, and sent DWGM flying into Chaos with a large blow of his fists. "Growlith! Attack his head! His head is vulnerable!!" Chaos pep-talked DWGM. "Yeah, thanks!" the smaller digimon recovered, and started a furious barrage of blows on Nebiroth's head.

Clobberpuppy
But Growlith is a pokemon!


The blows were great alone, but Nebiroth's vital systems were slown down by the statis beam, and he was unable to defend himself from many of the blows, and was starting to become overwhelmed.

However Chaos was now experiencing worse pain than before, and he saw no reason why.

Zero X. Diamond
All his years of hard living had finally caught up with him.  ChaosGallantmon was having a heart attack.


 A triangluar burst of magic had materialized around his arm, and his arm was now solid stone!

Zero X. Diamond
 Yeah, see?  That's the first symptom of a heart attack: your arm turns to stone.


 "My arm!! Growlith, forget them!! Something's attacking me, and I can't see it!!" Another Triangular blast hit DWGM's left foot, and turned it into Stone. "Not you too!! Who's behind this!?" Little had any of them except for Nebiroth know, Sandra had cast vanish on herself, Paula, Poo and Nebiroth earlier,

Clobberpuppy
Quick, someone cast Doom and kill them all!


 but Nebi unvanished to position himself in front of Ness and Bob to protect them. Sandra, vanished, was now attacking the two digimon with Break, and Paula and Poo had safely gotten past, as had Bob and Ness, who were also vanished and prompted to run off. Nebiroth was vanished once again, and as quickly as he could in his slowed state, trudged around and out of harm's way. Stunned, DWGM had no idea of this, and was furiously growling at something he couldn't see. Suddenly he felt a blow across his face and went flying THROUGH the door behind him,

Mayor Mike Haggar
As opposed to above it or beside it.


and into the pantry area. He fell unconscious. Chaos had finally managed to overcome his paralysis though, and his leg was free again, but his arm still stoned.

Zero X. Diamond
 Hahahaha... duuuuuude... how did I get just my arm high?


Sandra, still invisible, saw the USA, and the frozen Brett and Zac in the middle of the shattered interogation room. Sandra realized they were frozen by the pink aura around them. Great, they're also frozen. I've gotta stop these two now!" Sandra quickly reappeared to taunt Chaos as she picked up the USA, and pointed it at him. "What the?! Who are you?!" Chaos growled, realizing she could freeze him easily if she wanted to. "Someone not to screw with, buddy." she said, blasting Chaos with the beam. He growled, as the Statis beam finally started to kick into effect, slowing his vital systems down, but in a last and desperate attempt,


Mayor Mike Haggar
In the words of Tom Servo:

ENNND!
ENNND!

used the last of his power to force the USA cannon and DWGM to be thrown out of the base, and to some unknown point on the planet. Sandra growled as the USA flew from the Complex, along with the unconscious DWGM. Chaos growled, "We will... still... win....." his body stopped cold. Sandra wasn't taking any chances this time with letting him go, and charged a final blast of Flare and caused the freezing up ChaosGalletmon to combust and explode, and dissolve into dying digital fragments, which vanished...

Clobberpuppy
Hooray!


Meanwhile, DWGM and the USA, still flying through the air, began to form descent, flying towards the country of Winters. The unconscious digimon and partially damaged Statis beam landed near each other near the area of Stonehenge. DWGM was growling in his mental state "You stupid fools haven't won yet! We'll come back soon enough!!"

Mayor Mike Haggar
Please tell me that "absorbing data to permanently kill them" bit is a one-off thing and not just some bullshit plot coupon for later...


"I couldn't get close enough!" complained Glenn. "I wish I could have helped..."

Zero X. Diamond
Oh look, even with your newfound powers of interrogation and your KICKIN RAD new weapon, you're STILL a useless side character.  Like, seriously, why are you even still here?


He made himself useful otherwise by going to Zac and trying a dispell rune. Since he'd seen Sandra's spell, he'd been able to use the concept to formulate that new possibility of ending Stop. Glenn drew the rune and spoke it.

Nothing happened.

Zero X. Diamond
What a surprise.


He shook his head and tried again. He concentrated and drew the rune to precision. Glenn then spoke the rune clearly and loudly. The rune floated to Zac and attached itself to his forehead.

Sandra, at the same time, was trying to Dispell Brett. She was a bit surprised at how much more effort it took to do it than when she had used Dispell before. However, Brett and Zac were soon stirring, blinking, and breathing. Slowly at first, but they managed to reach seats, witht the help of the others.

"Did... we win?" asked Brett.

"Nope," said Jeff. "The one you had managed to contain combusted in the air with a blast of intense fire power. Literally. But a new warrior that arrived after your datainment

Zero X. Diamond
Datainment sounds like the name of a shovelware publisher from the 90s.


 and that amazing weapon... well, I guess 'escaped' wouldn't be the word. Quite a sturdy weapon, eh?"

Mayor Mike Haggar
God, the grammar and spelling here is so horrendous that I can't even make out what the fuck they're saying.  It's like listening to AM radio with your ears crammed full of Vaseline.

Plans were forming in Jeff's mind to locate that weapon and replicate its design into a smaller form that he could use.

Zero X. Diamond
In the end, the aliens end up winning anyways when they sue Jeff for patent infringement of their stasis array.


He smirked.

Max Payne
Smug bastard.


---

Meanwhile, Kyle met up with the people that were fighting in Fourside.

"Did you see that Digimon fly past here?" asked Omedramon.

"You mean that dark thing?" said Kyle. "It's probably dead by now, if it went to the complex. Everyone else should have beaten it to a pulp."

Omedramon nodded and split back into its original forms. Then they all headed back for the complex.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Oh great, they don't even know the rules of their own fucking universe.

Adure had his Blazer pistol in one hand and his comlink in the other. He and five squads had infiltrated into the Nomad through the hole in the hull. He'd sent squad C, D, and E on various distractionary missions while squads A and B, led by him, took the bridge. They were waiting just outside the hatch leading to the bridge. As soon as the captain dispatched some troops to deal with the distractions, Adure and his troops would rush the bridge and sieze control.

The Nomad shook beneath their feet. Adure smiled. That would be squad D detonating some low grade quantum explosives in the primary power plant.

Zero X. Diamond
So what, they both exploded and didn't explode?


The lights flickered for a moment, then came back on as the ship automatically rerouted power to the auxiliary. The hatch opened, and a group of security forces ran through. Adure's troops were on them in a secod, and and in a few moments they were all on the ground, dead or wounded. Adure charged forward, trying to get beyond the hatch before it sealed, and he did.

Zero X. Diamond
Great plan, captain.  Let all your men get wounded or killed so you can run ahead of them, ignoring their cries for mercy.


But the rest of his troops didn't.

Clobberpuppy
Too caught up in his own bravado.


The blast doors sealed behind him, and Adure finally found himself confronted by the muzzles of dozens of guns. He raised his hands in defeat. He was now a hostage.

Zero X. Diamond
 Good job, idiot.


Bob was standing there, waving his free arm.

"Hey, someone mind helping me here?"

Zero X. Diamond
Pay attention to me!  PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!


Sandra walked over to him. He felt little beads of sweat forming on his brow. This was yet another effect this "love" had on him.

"Okay, hang on. I'll get your arm free."

Sandra cast dispel on Bob's arm. Nothing. She cast it again. Seemed to get a little looser. She cast it a third time. His arm unfroze totally.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Nobody can stop Sandra.  The worst they can do is hope to mildly inconvenience her.


"AH! FINALLY! MY ARM IS FREEEEEEE!!"

She walked away from Bob, heading for Nebiroth.

"Nebiroth slow. You dispel for me?"

"Yes Nebiroth, I'll dispel it. Hold on."

She once again casted dispel three times, returning Nebiroth to normal speed.

"Nebiroth thank you."

"You're welcome."

Meanwhile, Bob wasn't looking too hot. He had spent wayyyyyyyyyy too much energy in the last fight. He found a nice little closet and fell asleep under a pile of shoes.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Add "foot fetish" to his list of creepy quirks.


All he dreamed about was Sandra in her infinite beauty. (Go figure.)

Zero X. Diamond
You're a fucking creep.  Knock off the shit, dude.


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