Super Mario Bros the movie is unironically more cyberpunk than Cyberpunk 2077
— Spoony Spoonicus (@spoonshiro) January 26, 2021
| Cyberpunk 2077 | Super Mario Bros. Movie | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| ✖ | The protagonist is yet another video game Mr-Potato-Head with no consistent appearance, morals, values or personality who will be discarded and forgotten within a year. Very not-punk | ✓ | The protagonists are iconic working-class video game heroes who have endured for nearly four decades, albeit portrayed in a very bizarre manner here. They're also consistently good and virtuous characters who act in earnest against the evils they face, no matter the odds against them |
| ✖ | The protagonist's unlimited access to world-class medical expertise, military grade weapons, connections and useful resources ensures there's zero tension or feeling of suspense. They're basically a one-man paramilitary force | ✓ | The protagonists are on their own in a strange, barren and hostile world with only their tool belts and quick thinking to aid them in a battle against a dictator, save the princess and return home |
| ✖ | Disingenuous plot about rebellion against monolithic mega-corporations penned by an employee of a AAA gaming corporation with a psychopathic community that suppresses all critique of their god-kings with bullying, harassment and physical endangerment while calling themselves "anti-establishment" for rejecting other digital stores' DRM | ✓ | Pervading theme of fomenting rebellion against a monolithic dictatorship that was largely cut down by studio mandate, giving elements like deleted scenes an underground, rebel-against-censorship allure. Also it's by the directors of Max Headroom, another cult classic with anti-censorship and anti-establishment themes |
| ✖ | A sci-fi game that constantly force-feeds its audience cynical and stilted attempts to be "adult" with near-constant profanity, sex, angst and violence to distract from the crap writing and lack of any genuine, earnest message | ✓ | A sci-fi film with an anti-fascist message masquerading as a movie based on a popular childrens' video game. Signal hijack! |
| ✖ | Hordes of faceless goons who are unceremoniously gunned down on sight with nary a thought spared for the consequences of mindless violence against the (relatively) innocent. Anyone with a name you're tasked with stopping is a boring, nuanceless heel on level with Snidely Whiplash | ✓ | Tiny-headed dinosaur men who are too dumb to know better, led by the always-amazing Dennis Hopper. The only characters who die genuinely deserve it (and both are ultimately hoisted by their own petard) |
| ✖ | A phony-looking aesthetic that tries way too hard to be Blade Runner but fails because of far too much bloom, color tinting and chromatic aberration shaders - none of which existed when Blade Runner was made | ✓ | A grimy, run-down aesthetic that makes sense - it's set in a world that's squandered all its natural resources and what few luxuries are left are being hoarded by King Koopa and his inner circle. Also the true king is devolved into a giant invasive parasite overtaking everything that's left |
| ✖ | Reports of incompetence and meddling from the top as well as poor treatment of employees, consumers and customers. | ✖ | Reports of incompetence and meddling from the top as well as poor treatment of employees and on-camera talent |
| ✖ | Will be forgotten the instant another AAA company buys a ton of hype for their latest big-budget project and Game Informer leads the charge of turning that into a new religion for the oppressed minority of "Real Gamers" who suspiciously only |
✓ | Maintains a cult following 25 years after release by people who appreciate its unconventional, if clumsy, charm, and they sure as hell weren't told to by Nintendo; Big N hates this film and basically pretends it doesn't exist |
| ✖ | Derivative, campy and ridiculous poseur-punk made by pretentious 'visionaries' who think they've crafted high art and view themselves as on par with Shakespeare, Da Vinci and Fred Durst | ✓ | Campy and ridiculous, but very aware of itself, and a surprisingly creative adaptation of an existing property (for both good and ill) |
| ✖ | Pulled from multiple digital storefronts for being a nonfunctional pile of junk | ✓ | Unavailable on any streaming services and its DVD release is out of print, giving it an underground quality |
| ✓ | CD Projekt offered full refunds to anyone unsatisfied with their purchase for a limited time, proving that at least one higher-up understands the concepts of humility and shame better than their fanbase and writing staff | ✖ | As far as I'm aware, nobody who disliked this movie got a refund on their movie ticket |
| ✖ | When you buy a copy on GOG, 100% of your money goes to CD Projekt! | ✓ | When you buy a copy, 100% of your money goes to Crazy Bruce's Pawn Shop. Support local small businesses! |
