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1/26/2021

Cyberpunk 2077 vs Super Mario Bros: The Movie - An objective analysis



Cyberpunk 2077 Super Mario Bros. Movie
The protagonist is yet another video game Mr-Potato-Head with no consistent appearance, morals, values or personality who will be discarded and forgotten within a year.  Very not-punk The protagonists are iconic working-class video game heroes who have endured for nearly four decades, albeit portrayed in a very bizarre manner here.  They're also consistently good and virtuous characters who act in earnest against the evils they face, no matter the odds against them
The protagonist's unlimited access to world-class medical expertise, military grade weapons, connections and useful resources ensures there's zero tension or feeling of suspense.  They're basically a one-man paramilitary force The protagonists are on their own in a strange, barren and hostile world with only their tool belts and quick thinking to aid them in a battle against a dictator, save the princess and return home
Disingenuous plot about rebellion against monolithic mega-corporations penned by an employee of a AAA gaming corporation with a psychopathic community that suppresses all critique of their god-kings with bullying, harassment and physical endangerment while calling themselves "anti-establishment" for rejecting other digital stores' DRM Pervading theme of fomenting rebellion against a monolithic dictatorship that was largely cut down by studio mandate, giving elements like deleted scenes an underground, rebel-against-censorship allure.  Also it's by the directors of Max Headroom, another cult classic with anti-censorship and anti-establishment themes
A sci-fi game that constantly force-feeds its audience cynical and stilted attempts to be "adult" with near-constant profanity, sex, angst and violence to distract from the crap writing and lack of any genuine, earnest message A sci-fi film with an anti-fascist message masquerading as a movie based on a popular childrens' video game.  Signal hijack!
Hordes of faceless goons who are unceremoniously gunned down on sight with nary a thought spared for the consequences of mindless violence against the (relatively) innocent.  Anyone with a name you're tasked with stopping is a boring, nuanceless heel on level with Snidely Whiplash Tiny-headed dinosaur men who are too dumb to know better, led by the always-amazing Dennis Hopper. The only characters who die genuinely deserve it (and both are ultimately hoisted by their own petard)
A phony-looking aesthetic that tries way too hard to be Blade Runner but fails because of far too much bloom, color tinting and chromatic aberration shaders - none of which existed when Blade Runner was made A grimy, run-down aesthetic that makes sense - it's set in a world that's squandered all its natural resources and what few luxuries are left are being hoarded by King Koopa and his inner circle.  Also the true king is devolved into a giant invasive parasite overtaking everything that's left
Reports of incompetence and meddling from the top as well as poor treatment of employees, consumers and customers. Reports of incompetence and meddling from the top as well as poor treatment of employees and on-camera talent
Will be forgotten the instant another AAA company buys a ton of hype for their latest big-budget project and Game Informer leads the charge of turning that into a new religion for the oppressed minority of "Real Gamers" who suspiciously only play think what they're told to by huge multinational mega-corporations and shills on Reddit  Maintains a cult following 25 years after release by people who appreciate its unconventional, if clumsy, charm, and they sure as hell weren't told to by Nintendo; Big N hates this film and basically pretends it doesn't exist
Derivative, campy and ridiculous poseur-punk made by pretentious 'visionaries' who think they've crafted high art and view themselves as on par with Shakespeare, Da Vinci and Fred Durst Campy and ridiculous, but very aware of itself, and a surprisingly creative adaptation of an existing property (for both good and ill)
Pulled from multiple digital storefronts for being a nonfunctional pile of junk Unavailable on any streaming services and its DVD release is out of print, giving it an underground quality
CD Projekt offered full refunds to anyone unsatisfied with their purchase for a limited time, proving that at least one higher-up understands the concepts of humility and shame better than their fanbase and writing staff As far as I'm aware, nobody who disliked this movie got a refund on their movie ticket
When you buy a copy on GOG, 100% of your money goes to CD Projekt! When you buy a copy, 100% of your money goes to Crazy Bruce's Pawn Shop.  Support local small businesses!