Random quote:

Check out my other site, RPGreats, for honest RPG reviews!


The Witcher in a Nutshell

A special dedication to an old "friend" who thinks talking down to me about games he's never played and baiting me into shelling out for trashy games he has no intention of ever playing just so he can smugly retort "well at least I didn't buy it!" makes him a clever boy.

The Witcher is the gaming equivalent of Twilight, but instead of being cheap smut for thirteen year old-girls, it's cheap smut for 13.5-year-old dudebros who think swearing constantly and having collectible trading cards of their Mary Sue avatar's "sexual conquests" makes them look like adults.  Stupid, worthless, childish garbage.

Oh, and the combat is the absolute worst kind of braindead button-mashing poop.  Just to prove my point, here's a video of me winning every fight I encounter by doing nothing but mashing the left mouse button:

So, the Witcher in essence: Jam one button as hard as you can to win every fight, watch textures flicker and the framerate shit itself constantly, and hope the game doesn't freeze long enough to let you hear a shitty Mary Sue make a dick joke or a girl show her boobies! Truly the pinnacle of role playing entertainment.