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4/07/2014

Frozen Part 10

It wasn't long before Glenn found Kyle.

Zero X. Diamond
The love of his life had been right under his nose all along.

"Guess what?"

"What?" said Kyle, not entirely interested.

Zero X. Diamond
CHICKEN BUTT!!!!!

Clobberpuppy
COCK ASS!


"I made a new weapon! I guess you could say that it came to me in a dream... Look!"

Glenn handed Kyle a short, metal shaft with black grips, a black button, and a very small knob near the top.

Zero X. Diamond
I get a very clear mental image when I read this: it's an old lead pipe with one end wrapped in electrical tape with a black shirt button taped to it and an old electric guitar knob glued to the top.

Kyle sighed. "Glenn, stabbing people with short, blunt objects is painful, but it really isn't all that effective."

Spoony Spoonicus
Someone hasn't read Phil Elmore's masterpiece.


"No, no, no! That's just the hilt!" Glenn grabbed the hilt away from Kyle and pressed the button. A blade ignited from the hilt.

Zero X. Diamond
Say hilt a few more times.


It was a black blade that emitted a deep purple shadow.

"What the!? You built a lightsaber?"

"Lightsaber?"

Zero X. Diamond
A teenage boy who doesn't know what Star Wars is?  Am I really supposed to believe that?

Spoony Spoonicus
I kind of wish I didn't after watching the prequels.  And the special editions.  And the awful CGI cartoon.  And the unwatchable Genndy Tartakovsky cartoon.  And the holiday special.  And playing the scores of terrible video games...

"Yeah! It looks just like a lightsaber from Star Wars, except that those lightsabers are white instead of black..."

Zero X. Diamond
I don't remember a single character in Star Wars using a white lightsaber.  And don't try and give me some shit about the Expanded Universe, because I don't care if Klak'wllek Tom-Tom McBunswaggle carried two of the fuckers because HE WASN'T IN A MOVIE.

Glenn shook his head. "Well, I call it a Darksaber."

Zero X. Diamond
And once again, we see darkness acting the same way as light.  Because we all know that's how that works.


Just as Kyle was about to roll his eyes and make a comment, the complex shook and an alarm went off.

"Computer, what triggered the alarm?!" Zac shouted at the machine in earnest.

Zero X. Diamond
"This is the automated reminder you programmed about your appointment for a prostate exam tomorrow."


"The alarm was a proximity one.

Spoony Spoonicus
Proximity to an earthquake or a mortar.


An evil force has tripped the outermost level."

Zero X. Diamond
 A computer that's capable of judging good from evil.  By the use of external sensors.  Uh huh.


"Okay, we should be okay... for now. The outermost level is just the outskirts of the city. We probably have a little while."

Brett came running down the hall and wasn't looking and ran straight into his brother.

"What's the rush?" Zac said as he dusted himself off. He stood up and helped Brett up.

"Well, I heard the alarm and I came to see what it was."

Mayor Mike Haggar
Let's explain some detail we've already established to another character yet again!  I can't get enough!


"We're about to get company. Some evil thing is in Threed."

"What's that?" Brett asked Glenn.

"It's my Darksaber. I just made it."

"Cool."

Zero X. Diamond
This is polite-talk for "I don't really give a shit."


"What have you been doing and Kyle been doing here?" Glenn swung his new weapon with precision.

"We've been working on a new weapon. And a plan."

Another alarm sounded within the complex.

Zero X. Diamond
"This is the automated reminder to ask your doctor about erectile dysfunction at your appointment tomorrow!"


Bob raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, right. Something is breaking into the complex?"

"Yeah, that's what the computer says."

"... Riiiiiight. Look, I'll go check this out."

"But you have no special abilities whatsoever."

Mayor Mike Haggar
"At least I don't have powers stolen from thousands of cookie cutter characters who populate one of the worst media franchises of all time!"

Bob got a confident grin on his face.

"Sure I do! I have the skills to pay the bills!"

Zero X. Diamond
Mother of fuck, I hate you.


With that, Bob rushed out the nearest door before anyone could stop him. The security door sealed shut behind him. The auto-defense system was activating. In otherwords, once Bob left, he was already in over his head.

Zero X. Diamond
This would be suspenseful if I didn't want him to get melted by a security laser.


But he had to do it. Had to do it for the sake of his new friends. Had to do it for the safety of the humanity he loved to torment so.

Zero X. Diamond
The ones he was going to murder for fun an hour or two ago.


That feeling began nagging him again. The same one as before.

Not now! Not now! I've got to see what's wrong here. Then I'll try to figure out what this feeling is...

Zero X. Diamond
Apparently Bob has the memory of a goldfish since he already fucking knows what that feeling is.


Back in the main room of the complex...

"What does that lunatic think he's doing?!" shouted Glenn. "Doesn't he realize that going out there during an auto-defense run due to some kind of evil breaking in is a suicide mission?"

"Glenn, you apparently don't know Bob.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh, and you do?  I suppose you were out there helping him stab babies before this whole thing started?


 He loves those kind of odds." explained Zac, rather nonchalantly.

Glenn stared at him, then at the computer, then back at him.

"Oh, I see."

Mayor Mike Haggar
"He's totally got a death wish.  We just don't care."


Bob was squeezing through several sealing doors. He was bound and determined to find out and attack whatever was breaking in. He was through being a useless lump of longing. He was ready to kick some butt.

But then, something came to his attention. It felt warm in front of his hand. There was nothing visibly there. He looked at the wall. Surely enough, it was a laser tripwire.

"Pfft, some defense system."

Zero X. Diamond
 "What a totally great defense system and not at all one for stupid nerds and babies... NOOOOOT!!!!"


Bob stepped over and crawled under the wires. It was easy for him. He'd had experience at that. He continued through the halls, evading several more traps cunningly. A sound of an armored body was becoming louder and louder.

And then Bob met ChaosGallantmon head on.

"What's this?

Zero X. Diamond
What's this?  There's color everywhere.


A pathetic, wiry child dares to stand in my way?"

Bob looked up at him, raising an eyebrow and scratching his head.

"You're the guy who broke in here?"

"Indeed. I have come to destroy those who stand in the way of the stasis beam testing."

Spoony Spoonicus
How are they doing that?  Your crappy weapon didn't work the way you wanted it to.  Go back to the drawing board and iron out the bugs!  These guys literally have no way to stop you from just leaving and doing that!


Bob reached for his knife with his free hand. Fortunately for him, ChaosGallantmon was distracted by some of his clever yammering.

Zero X. Diamond
"Clever yammering" is code for "acting like an annoying fuckwit."


With great agility, he threw it in the air, grabbed it and struck out at the fiend.

CG was too fast for him, stepping aside with ease. He landed an iron-clad fist straight in the center of Bob's back. He was struck hard, disorienting him for a moment.

"Okay, you're better than I thought. But can you withstand THIS!?!"

Bob pulled out his Dual Colt Commandos and the barrels began blazing at CG.

Zero X. Diamond
"Why do your gunshots smell like farts?"


The bullets all ricocheted off his armor. He began laughing.

"Bwahahaha! Face it, you puny hunk of flesh! You are no match for your digital masters!"

"Maybe so, but I can still try THIS!"

Bob laughed insanely, pulling out his last ditch effort weapon. The BFG 9000.

Zero X. Diamond
A gun that comes from another universe that, if it operated just as it did there, could have one-shotted Giygas.  This homeless kid had it jammed up his ass.


He leapt backwards and let it rip.

Clobberpuppy
Overlord BUTTBLOW!
Zero X. Diamond
You dumbass!  Everyone knows the BFG is stronger at close range!


An immense blast of energy discharged, sending Bob hard into a wall and hitting ChaosGallantmon head on.

Spoony Spoonicus
That's not the BFG, it's the Noisy Cricket.


CG was hit hard and took quite a bit of damage. But he was far from defeated. He got off the ground and dusted himself off with a laugh.

"I admit it, you're a good fighter.

Zero X. Diamond
"You pull guns out of your ass with the best of them."


But you're a complete idiot.

Zero X. Diamond
I can't believe I agree with a retarded Digimon character.


Farewell."

CG began beating Bob senseless. Hit after hit connected with him, worsening and worsening his condition. Finally, he slouched over, blood running from his nose and mouth, body motionless. CG presumed him dead.

He was wrong.

Spoony Spoonicus
Guy had more stamina for punishment than the Angry Video Game Nerd.


Bob was far from dead, but he couldn't do anything at all to announce it. He was too brutally beaten to be able to do anything.

Zero X. Diamond
So he's far from dead, but he's been beaten so badly that he's bleeding from his face and he can't move?  I think those things are kind of mutually exclusive.


So there he lied, thinking about Sandra in what he hoped wouldn't be his final moments...

ChaosGallentmon

Zero X. Diamond
What'd you do with ChaosGallantmon???


 looked at the assumedably-dead form of Bob and laughed to himself about humans and how easy of a job it would be to exterminate the rest of them.

Mayor Mike Haggar
That is, if they weren't constantly being told what to do by a bunch of eight year old children.  HUMAN children.


His attention was abruptly caught as a giant gout of flames suddenly pummeled him mercilessly.  Chaos had soon be forced to retreat back behind a wall nearby. He hadn't take much damage, but the fire had melted and destroyed much of his upper armor, and that was quite angering to him.

Zero X. Diamond
So a blast of fire is more powerful than the BFG 9000.  Good to know!


 "Who dares to attack my beautiful armor! That was a gift by the Nomad for my services!!"

Spoony Spoonicus
"This is why Digimon can't have nice things!"


 "Nomad will go boom!" the voice of Nebiroth boomed back, as the large demonoid friend of Bob stepped out, having been watching the previous farce.

Clobberpuppy
Hey, at least it's self-aware.


ChaosGallentmon didn't expect this, and was in a strangely half-pale, half-startled expression as he saw Nebiroth's face... He looks like...

Zero X. Diamond
Louie Anderson!!


some kind of horrible monster!

Clobberpuppy
Yep, Louie Anderson.


Nebiroth heard this thought, and growled "Nebiroth have yet to show you 'horrible!' Prepare to battle! Hurt Bob, now you suffer!!" Nebiroth growled, as his stomach again let out a torrent of continous flames at ChaosGallentmon. The digimon knight saw this though, and started darting around and avoiding the blasts.

Spoony Spoonicus
"BLAST!  You take away the one advantage slow, methodical enemies have over a slow, methodical hero and they're extremely easy to beat!"


 He soon got by them and swung his blade and attempted to cleave Nebiroth in half, but the sword clanged with a sickening cracked, and Nebiroth's stomach was too rigid for his sword to have any damage.

Zero X. Diamond
 A gasp!  He is not cleaving of Nebiroth, as stomach power is too many for swords' cracking to affect a change!!


"He's like a living piece of titanium!" ChaosGallentmon growled at his chipped sword, as he was again assaulted by a barrage of flames. He may have been stronger than him, but Nebiroth was much predictable in his attacks, he thought.

Spoony Spoonicus
Yes.  He's a video game character.  They always operate by a predictable pattern and exploiting the flaws in said pattern is the key to victory.  We've played video games before, we know how this works.

However, Nebi had been silently charing his tri-stacked laser, and had timed a dodge of his flames by ChaoGallentmon and forced him to jump right into the path of the large laser. Without some of his armor, ChaosGallentmon took some moderate and noticable damage, as he now had burn marks all over him, as his stunned form left him open to more flames of Nebiroth's.

Mayor Mike Haggar
You're losing to a Ghosts n' Goblins boss despite not having a top speed of 0.04 miles an hour.  That's pretty pitiful.


Chaos thought enough was enough, and vanished and reappeared next to Nebiroth, taking the large demonoid by surprise just a little. "Heh, wasn't expecting me to make it back into your face again, did you? I believe I have an idea about a sore spot with you!" he said, and shot a ion beam into Nebiroth's top face, inflicting a small level of damage, but ChaosGallentmon had noticed this and realized his assumption had been right. "Your face is a soft spot.

Zero X. Diamond
He might look and sound like a big, stupid monster, but damn, does he know how to moisturize.


I'm sure you're not going to be near as easy as those flesh-bag humans, but it won't be long before I also destroy you!" Nebiroth hadn't listened to that very last thought, as a familar voice echoed in his head \DODGE!!\

Spoony Spoonicus
"But I don't have the animation frames for that!"

Nebiroth suddenly saw waves of spiritual distortion form at a quick rate behind the scheming ChaosGallentmon. Soon the waves formed into another new creature, a giant snakeoid

Zero X. Diamond
Methinks ye be making up words again.


 with three extending heads and necks, one yellow, one red, and one blue. Hydra?! thought Nebiroth, jumping over to the side. ChaosGallentmon took that action fortunately as a mistaken sign of fear of him on Nebi's part, not seeing the summoned Hydra finishing his materialization onto the mortal plane.

It was then for ChaosGallentmon that stop about stopped

Zero X. Diamond
Hop on pop while you stop about stopped.


"DELTA-FLARE!!!" said the form of Hydra, causing Chaos to turn towards him, "What the?! Who are you... AHHHHHH!!!!" as the delta-elemental summon unleashed a combination fire, ice and thunder wave upon the taken-off-guard ChaosGallentmon. He was not even expection

Spoony Spoonicus
Stop making up words.  You're not good at it.

Clobberpuppy
Here's a good made up word: Swizzleblorfin!


the Delta-Flare attack to hit him as he was engulfed with the energy, and sent flying in the opposite direction, back past Hydra, and into a laser trap from the outer grid of the complex, and then being unleashed upon by torent of the complex's energy attacks, which furtherly added insult to injury.

Zero X. Diamond
I instinctively heard the Goofy scream while picturing this sequence of events.


The attack left ChaosGallentmon unconscious, and badly injured, debatably moreso than Bob had been.

Sergeant Hartman
Did you see that?  If you are captured, Charlie will do worse to you on a daily basis.  If you are captured, Charlie better not get so much as an OUCH out of you fucking pussywillows, because we will NOT be coming to save you!  You will save yourselves!  You will make a shiv out of a twig, you will thrust that shiv into Charlie's jugular, you will take his rifle, and you will gun your way back to the waiting arms of sweet Lady Liberty, because Marines do NOT have permission to die!

As for Bob himself, he had gone unconscious, and hadn't even noticed most of the fight around him, or the form of Sandra picking him up

Zero X. Diamond
Woah, she's going for him already?  I gotta hand it to Bob; he works fast.


after summoning Hydra in a surprise effort to save Bob and Nebiroth for the time being. She knew they had to still finish the job, but this time she was going to make sure they ALL worked together, and that no one attempted playing hero by themselves.

Spoony Spoonicus
Why, exactly?  It's pretty clearly established that you're stronger than every one of these guys combined in every possible way.  They're literally just a liability to you.

 She walked up to Nebiroth. Hydra had vanished back into the land of winds and ghosts as soon as his Delta-Flare attack had ended. Sandra asked, "Nebiroth, you okay?" "Yes, but he find Nebiroth spot point. He know Nebiroth has partial weakness in defense now. Must be finished off!" he looked over to the comatose ChaosGallentmon. "I know, but we'd better get the others to help us first. Bob almost got his torso handed to him by that thing!"

Zero X. Diamond
"So whatever you do, don't just go over there and jam his unconscious body into your lower mouth and devour him, ending this whole thing right now.  We absolutely have to get everyone else involved in this!"

 She then looked down on Bob. I know you like me, Bob. I've been able to figure that out,

Zero X. Diamond
SANDRA: THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE!!

but you didn't have to pull what you did, even if you did do some damage to him! She had said to herself mentally, and not as a telepathic message.

Spoony Spoonicus
Because her mental inbox was full so it would have just bounced back anyway....?


Back in the safe part of the complex, Sandra with Bob in tow, and Nebiroth quickly got the others to unseal the doors to let them back in, and then reseal them behind them. "You gotta get him to a place to heal."

Zero X. Diamond
Or you could just... let him die?  That's a thing you could do to the insane murderer who only wants to protect you so he can stab more people later.


Sandra asked Zac and Brett, "He got hammered badly before we got to him. Out intruder is still in the complex, but his lights are out for the moment, so we may be able to find him before he recovers and find out what he knows,

Zero X. Diamond
Or we might not and end up with more people savagely beaten and waiting at death's door.  But that's a chance we were willing to take!!


 but I didn't want to bring him in here in case he had someway of breaking free and attacking from the inside." "Yes! Should we finish knight-being,

Mayor Mike Haggar
There are entire dictionaries sitting blank on university shelves because this fanfic's word butchery is so strong that it's sapping away real language.


or interogate him?!" Nebiroth chimed in with asking the two brothers. It was their complex, so they had to make this decision....

[Just in case you were wondering about "Hydra", Sandra can summon various monsters like a summoner can, if you have managed to read some of her bio]. and Hydra was one of them.

Spoony Spoonicus
Can we get to the part where one of her immortal enemies is apparently Jeremy Irons?  Because that sounds a lot more interesting than going over her seventy kajillion superpowers for the eleven billionth time.

 However they go back to where they came from, so Hydra's not an actual AC, just to clear it up. Sorry if that had confused a few people. -_-; Glad the IF's picking back up again. I sure hope Frozen doesn't die. This IFing experience is raising my writing morale a great deal in the last 2 years almost.]

"I think it's a safe bet that we can bring him into the complex. The computer'll be able to handle it."

Zero X. Diamond
It can pinpoint any creature not affected by the time freeze, tell good from evil with its sensors, and now you're telling me it could go toe-to-toe with the current big bad?  What model is this computer, the M4-RY SU-3??

The two nodded towards each other. "We'll take him to the interrogation room, seal the doors and have at least three or four of us either in the room itself or around the room, prepared for his esacpe."

Clobberpuppy
Then we'll take his handcuffs off for no reason and leave him in the room with exactly one septuagenarian guy on guard duty so he can easily overpower him, detonate a cell phone bomb in one of his underling's stomachs and escape!
Zero X. Diamond
That way when one half gets savagely beaten, the other half can drag them to safety!  Brilliant!


"Sounds good," Sandra said. Nebiroth went back outside and hoisted the knight creature onto its shoulder. Nebiroth then followed Brett, Zac, and the others to the interrogation room. It was in a seperate building not attached to the main part of the complex.

"You guys got this place all figured out," Sandra sighed.

"Yeah, we tried to think of everything, but there's still some gaps here and there we try to fix up."

Zero X. Diamond
"For example, if we were suddenly besieged by Russian circus bears and irradiated mutant clowns tunneling up from below with plastic sandbox shovels, we'd be in serious trouble."

Nebiroth placed the knight down in a chair. He came back out and Zac sealed the door.

"There's a force field between him and the walls, so he'll have to take that down first. And it won't come down without either me or Brett's approval."

"Who's doing the interrogating?" Matt asked.

Spoony Spoonicus
Must resist the urge to point out a certain character who can not only read minds, but extract information in about a dozen other ways as well...

"Hmm... I don't know," Brett sighed. "I say we have three go in who can muscle information out of someone. We also are gonna need some brute strength on the outside in case that thing overpowers the three inside the room. So, who all wants to interrogate that guy?"

"I'm all for it," Zac quickly stepped up. "I always wanted to force information out of someone."

Zero X. Diamond
 Too bad you're a giant pussy.


Two other then stepped forward.

Everyone had neglected to notice that Bob was unconcious in the corner, with the exception of Sandra and Nebiroth.

Zero X. Diamond
Looks like another "wah wah, pay attention to my character" post.  The best kind!


They quietly discussed it with each other.

"Well," Sandra inquired, "What should we do?"

Zero X. Diamond
Cram him in stomach mouth and get him out of this story.


"Take Bob somewhere to heal." Nebiroth instructed.

Sandra looked at him a bit oddly. He'd obviously been hanging around with Bob a little too long. She walked over to Zac and tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, but where's the infirmary?"

"Oh, it's down the hall, third door on the right. Why?"

"If you haven't noticed, Bob's playing hero nearly got him killed,

Spoony Spoonicus
BOB IS IMPORTANT!  PAY ATTENTION TO HIM!  THIS IS IN NO WAY A DESPERATE PLEA FOR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT!


and if we don't get him there, he might die anyways."

"Oh, yeah. I kinda forgot..."

Zero X. Diamond
Really, he was just hoping nobody would notice.


Sandra looked at him, a little annoyed at his carelessness. Someone was nearing death, and he completely forgot about them. He saw the look and immediately opened the doors for her.

Bob was lying there, motionless as ever. While he was being dragged to the infirmary, something was amiss in his head, and it wasn't just his brain...

He awoke in a dirty, roach-infested room. The ceiling had cracks, the floor had creaks and the drywall had several punctures in it.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh no, he's in a gas station bathroom!


 And in the center, there was a crib, gently rocking. He took a closer look at the crib, revealing something he hadn't seen in forever.

It was himself as a small child.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Desperate plea for sympathy from the mass murdering jagoff...

And he was just as he could recollect. Small, scrawny, hair matted even as it was just coming in. He smiled gently as he placed himself back in the crib.

Zero X. Diamond
"I'm sure baby me will be fine in this filthy, pest-ridden hole."


He opened the door and stepped out.

He immediately began falling. He landed in a heap of flowers, out of which emerged several hippies.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh my God, please stop.


 They all stared at him. Then one spoke.

"He is the evil one, man! He has been sent by the system to destroy us!"

Zero X. Diamond
 No, please, stop.  This is awful.


"Uh... what are you talking about?"

"What'd I tell you, man!? He's preaching the words of the system, man!!"

Zero X. Diamond
For fuck's sake, this is so bad.  Teenagers shouldn't be allowed to write dream sequences.

Spoony Spoonicus
Also, your counter-culture lingo is all wrong.  It's "the establishment".


The hippies suddenly gained executioner's masks. They converged on him like vultures on a carcass. This was getting weird. Then, as they came towards him with their flower covered halberds, a voice began reading him letters from the Zodiac Killer in his head.

Zero X. Diamond
Wow, letters from his idol!


"... I am the Zodiac Killer. The police will never catch me. I am too smart for them..."

He clutched his head and screamed. It seemed to bring him more and more anger.

Zero X. Diamond
He was so jealous of the Zodiac Killer he could just scream!


He reached to pull out his knife, and felt the hilt. But when he pulled it out, the hilt was attatched to a wet noodle.

Zero X. Diamond
Wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaah.


"ARGH!! WHAT IS THIS CRAP!?"

Spoony Spoonicus
It's your stupid dream, you tell us.


Bob began falling again, now landing in front of a shining ray of light. This was where it really got weird.

"Bob... can you hear me?" boomed a deep, echoing voice.

"Uh... yeah... Who is this?"

Zero X. Diamond
Why, it's Deus Ex Machina Man, here to spout encouraging nonsense at you!


"Bob, listen to me. You have a power only you understand. You have courage. You have cunning. You have a certain... random consitency.

Zero X. Diamond
Even without the typo, this wouldn't make sense.


Believe in yourself, Bob... And now, back to your regularly scheduled dream."

Spoony Spoonicus
This... is CNN.


"But wait, who are y-"

He was cut off there as he was flung into another hole. This time, he was in a room full of pictures of Sandra. In the middle was a spinning stool. He sat down and began to look at them all.

Zero X. Diamond
Jesus, dude, do you want to kiss her or wear her?  Because this obsession's getting into the latter's territory.


Back in reality, Bob was rapidly recovering. The chamber was really doing its job.

Mayor Mike Haggar
The deus ex machina box.


He would be rejoining them soon enough. A sign appeared in front of Bob in his dream world.

"You have reached the end of your dream." it stated, quite clearly.

"Beg your pardon?"

"You," it said, much slower. "Have reached the end of your dream. Time to wake up."

"Oh, okay."

With that, he woke up, feeling better than new. It was almost as if that dream had raised his morale.

Zero X. Diamond
It was almost as if a booming voice had told him he was awesome and then he got to spend an infinity's worth of time staring at pictures of the target of his obsessions.


 Ah well, it didn't matter. What did matter is that he was back and ready for action.

After dropping off Bob to recover in the infirmary, Sandra and Nebiroth returned to the main area to find Brett and Zac still trying to find volunteers to interogate ChaosGallentmon.

Zero X. Diamond
They should call on ChaosGoofusmon to do it.  That guy always gets under his skin.


 The two had been thinking about going in, but Paula and Poo had walked up and caught their attention. "Sandra, are you and Nebiroth alright from the last fight?" Paula asked her sister with concern. "Yeah, I'm unharmed.

Mayor Mike Haggar
"I'm surrounded by the autistic author plot shield and am therefore completely untouchable!"


That guy didn't even see me. Nebiroth is to thank for distracting him while I summoned Hydra though." Sandra replied with a small smile from her responce. "Hydra?" asked Poo.

Zero X. Diamond
Have you learned nothing, man??  Don't ask her questions!!


 "I can summon various spirits of fallen beings that I met or fought in my last 10 years of my life. I have much I need to tell you all about my past 10 years, but there is not enough time with our situation."

Obnoxious Fanboy
There is ALWAYS time for long, unbroken pages of exposition!


 "How did you return home, sis?" asked Paula.

Zero X. Diamond
She took the goddamn bus.


"Well, after the destruction of Sardius and most of the Phantom Zone..." Sandra paused a second to look at Nebiroth, who seemed indifferent to her mentionings at the time, "I became very homesick, and a group of mages that had moved into these towers behind my village learned of my plight, and they offered to take me home. They took me back to the towers, and used their powers to reach into old childhood memories of my first five years on Earth, and they found the way to talk me home,

Zero X. Diamond
As a side effect, she now tries to talk everyone she meets home, too.


and summoned a gate I used to return here, however when I arrived, I found the world to be Frozen in time,

Zero X. Diamond
Oh come on!  We're going to recap the shit that actually happened in this story again?  The first fifteen times weren't enough for you people???

Spoony Spoonicus
Can we quit recapping the story we've already seen and start breaking some new ground already?  I'm getting really goddamn sick of this.


 and you guys were also among the frozen. I found Dad behind some odd door in an observatory under the meteorite in Onett, and he and two of his friends were totally unaffected. I believe the door had something to do with it.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Bullshit plot point that will never be explained counter: 8.  Or was it 9?

...Fuggit, I'm going to say 8.

But soon I learned by Dispelling magic could nullify the time field, so I used it to free a friend of Dad's, Mom, you, and your friends." "I see, so it was you I have to thank for being free." Poo said, "Thank you. You definately are brave to go through the stuff you have to help us." "You don't know the half of what I truly had to go through on Santranus, but as I said, now is no time to give full stories on my pasts. It'll take days, maybe weeks to explain it to you all.

Zero X. Diamond
 But rest assured, it WILL be explained to you.  In excruciating detail.  With reenactments, if necessary.


But I feel you and your two friends Ness and Jeff are good friends of Paula, and I thank you all for working together, and making sure nothing happened to you during you quest to fight Giygas." "What?! How did you know about Giygas?!" asked Paula. "Well, Mom gave me a brief explanation of the things you went through,

Zero X. Diamond
Ohhhh, so explaining things runs in the family.  I get it now.


 including the fact you were kidnapped twice." Paula blushed furiously,

Zero X. Diamond
GRRRRRR I'M SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED GRAAAAAAAAARRRRAAGAGH


hating those two times. There were times she wished she had the same form of bravery as Sandra had, and those had been two of those time. "Sorry. I didn't mean anything by that, though." Sandra said, taking note of her sister's blush, "If it were me with little experience, I'd probably be in a similar position. I didn't get back home all by myself... I had many people who had to save my life at various times... Darren... Gaibon...

Zero X. Diamond
Mulrooney... Phildar... Shempo... Bennigan... McTargle... Argus Mukluk... Ping-Pong and Kevin... Freddie Mercury... Evil Freddie Mercury... Twilax... Milgnor... Rompert... Blingzee...

they both saved my life once, Darren saved me when I first made it to Santranus, and Gaibon... gave his life up to save me, and two of our other friends from certain death. It was also a miracle I survived Sardius."

Nebiroth had perked up at that mentioning this time, and decided to speak, "Sandra! Thank Wizard too!  Wizard healed you after you destroy Sardius." "The Jester Wizard?!

Spoony Spoonicus
From the KKK's "Wacky Period".

Zero X. Diamond
His jokes suck, but he casts spells that make you laugh anyways.

 He restored me after the Sardius fight?! I thought I ran that one on miracles alone." "You still had survived. He heal you to thank you. He said Sardius oppressed Phantom Zone in past. You kill him, you save the denizens of Phantom Zone, even if all dead."

Zero X. Diamond
Yes, you killed them all, but you also killed their oppressor so that makes it okay.