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3/04/2014

Frozen Part 5

Bob looked over at the others, then back to Ffish.

Zero X. Diamond
I wonder how hard he'd laugh if he found out this chump's name?

"Those guys over there are fighting him. It looks kind of bad though, since that thing can steal abilities. Lucky I don't have any, eh?"

Ffish looked at him, scratching his head.

"You mean, you have NO special abilities?"

"None."

"None whatsoever?"

"None at all."

Zero X. Diamond
None at all?"  "Nope, not at all."  "Seriously?  None?"  "Nope.  Nada."  "Not even one little special power?"  "Not even one."  "So, none, then?"  "None."

Spoony Spoonicus
He just likes to stab stuff and pull guns out of thin air, apparently.


"That's odd," said Ffish. "I thought only people who had special abilities were able to avoid being frozen."

Zero X. Diamond
Don't bother trying to rationalize it.  We'll never find out why ANY of these people aren't frozen.


"I guess not. Maybe... um... you should go help them?"

Zero X. Diamond
Maybe you should, you asshole.  You're the only one who's hurt it at all, and you're just gonna sit back and watch them all die?

Oh, wait, merciless killer.  Right.  Nevermind, carry on.

Ffish looked over at the fight.

"Yeah, think I will. Say, why aren't you helping?"

"Well, confidentially, noone seems to notice me.

Zero X. Diamond
Boo fucking hoo, nobody wants to play with the murderer while a monster is literally trying to kill them all.
Spoony Spoonicus
That was a funny recurring joke in Eyeshield 21, actually.  The one kid who has so little presence that nobody even notices he's on the field until he's already caught the ball and run a good 20 yards.


 I fight when I feel like it..."

Smidgen blasted Bob in the back with holy energy, a la GMOE.

Zero X. Diamond
Holy Energy a la GMOE, served with a side of Smidgen au Gratin.


Bob's eyes suddenly turned red.

"Which happens to be... NOW!!!!"

And with that, he rejoined those who were currently fighting.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Hooray for pointless scenes.  No wait, the opposite.


Sandra now found herself along the trails of the southern edge of Onett. She had looked at the Ramblin' Mushrooms, Black Antoids, and Ma Mouse, all frozen in time and sporting the pink aura of "Stop" around them, induced by the statis field around the Earth.

Zero X. Diamond
Good thing she doesn't have to level up.  Like... ever.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Keep beating that plot point into our heads.  We'll remember it eventually.


Sandra felt remorse to all of them. She wasn't expecting to find many people that were not frozen, but she still had the hope backing her up.

Zero X. Diamond
Well, that and about 17 bajillion super powers.


She also took notice of the frozen Sharks in and around the Onett arcade. They had been gathering supplies for Frank for a food drive they were planning to help make up for all the trouble they caused before Ness shut them out during his own journey.

Zero X. Diamond
They scoured every garbage can in town for the freshest burgers they could find!


 She took notice of the black outfits they wore. They no longer wore the finned hoods of the orignal sharks,

Zero X. Diamond
The origami sharks??


 but Sandra could realize that they had once been part of some gang.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Does this have any relation to the story whatsoever or is she just going off on another irrelevant tangent because of ADHD?


Another painful memory flooded into her at that point as she walked through Onett, looking for people unaffected. The frozen sharks reminded her of beginner Serpents.

Zero X. Diamond
All serpents begin their lives as sharks.  It's science.

Spoony Spoonicus
If you didn't bother reading the prequel story surrounding this character, don't worry.  He's about to sum the whole thing up for you here!


The Serpents were a gang that were to an extent like the Sharks, but worse.

Zero X. Diamond
 They didn't just loiter around town, they actively knocked over the superfluous police barricades!  Those monsters!!


 They flooded into Northern Twoson when she was only a child, before her disappearance. In fact, THEY were the ones repsonsible for her disappearance to an extent. The Serpents weren't like the standard street gangs. It was rumored a few knew Wicca, or witchcraft, and other such sorcery.

Zero X. Diamond
Great, so they were a bunch of fat goth kids who were rebelling against their Christian parents.

Spoony Spoonicus
If they really wanted to be rebellious and edgy they should have named their gang "Islam Sucks My Hairy Taint".


Sandra's disappearence had been the proof of this. The clearing she came out of earlier had in fact been around the area most of the old day Serpents hid. One Serpent man had opened the fated gate that she was brought to Santranus by. Sandra jumped in by choice, although not good choice.

Zero X. Diamond
Jumping blindly into magic portals proved to be a bad idea?  Surely you jest.


 The man planned to summon some kind of monster from the gate that would wreck havoc upon Twoson and all of Eagleland,

Zero X. Diamond
Gozer the Gozarian?


and Sandra had stumbled along into the forest, grieving her grandmother's death by taking a walk. She realized the only way to stop the monster's approach was to jump into the gate.

Spoony Spoonicus
Yeah, that's not what happened.

For someone so obsessed with this character, you'd think he'd keep her back story straight.


Doing so reversed the path of the monster, but Sandra wasn't able to get out of the gate, and fell through, into Santranus, to 10 years of living heck in a world not as advanced in technology, but more advanced in the forms of magic. As for the Serpents, they had disappeared themselves the same day, shortly after her disappearnce.

Zero X. Diamond
"Damn it, that was the last bit of magic we could afford.  Guess we have to go home now..."


She didn't know it,

Zero X. Diamond
But she sure as hell made sure that we did.


but it was part of the history which had resulted.

Spoony Spoonicus
I should also note that he expects us to believe that Paula was responsible for disbanding this gang afterwards, since in his mind Paula is also some sort of uber mary sue character despite being arguably the most "normal" of Earthbound's four heroes...

Shaking the memory away, it gave her another ray of hope for herself, and perhaps Earth as well. She was so immersed in her memory, that she had missed a person that was unfrozen. A boy by the name of Jake was still searching the Hotel Onett for unaffected people.

Zero X. Diamond
I assume this is the last brief cameo in which we see Jake, unless this one pulls a Rise of the Technoids too and the last monster the aliens send fuses with him to make the ultimate evil.


No one knows if Jake caught sight of her as she passed or not,

Zero X. Diamond
So she finds an unfrozen person and... just keeps going.  Okay!

but Sandra continued towards the Onett library, only hoping to find some kind of clue to what the heck was going on.

Spoony Spoonicus
It was 2001 and high time she returned that town map she borrowed.

She had caught sight of many other frozen people, all supporting the Stop aura around them. She looked disappointed still, but she then realized something. I must've been Auto-Hasted because of the time freeze! Sandra had known some of her supportative

Zero X. Diamond
THAT'S NOT A WORD!!


 and curative magic to act on it's own at times, as if it had a conscience of it's own, protecting the girl from death when seriously wounded, or perhaps in this case, from the time field.

Spoony Spoonicus
You guessed it, that's another twinky power she has!


 That must of been why Dispel failed to remove the haste affects on her.

She suddenly heard a loud crash and then a louder splash to her north. Sounded like a big rock fell of the Northern cliffs of Onett and into the water. But that must have meant someone had been unfrozen up there. As far as the Earth was concerned, even the weather seemed frozen in time,

Zero X. Diamond
Wait, really?  *goes back literally two posts to see Ffish talking about the wind rushing through Saturn Valley*


so it couldn't have been the wind, or could it?

Zero X. Diamond
 It could, but I'm sure it'll be something entirely other that will require several long, unbroken paragraphs of explanation.

Mayor Mike Haggar
This whole comic is like a game of Calvinball.  The rules are never the same twice!


Sandra decided the northern cliffs were her next destination, and like a beam of light, shot off along the path that would concidentally take her by the house of Ness, one of the four heros of the common world,

Spoony Spoonicus
Even though she has no idea who that is...


 and hopefully to the peak of the cliffs...

(Just wondering if Cracked Bat is still around. If so, are you still in the Onett Hotel, or did Jake move somewhere else?)

Zero X. Diamond
He's with Tonberry, Kid Lavos, Bomberboy and Scorpion hanging out in the space between crappy IFs.


"FLAMING SWORD OF BATTLE" shouted Smidgen and WereGrrowlithmon.

Clobberpuppy
I summon Blue Flame Swordsman in attack mode!


The two were duking it out like crazy.

Suddenly, someone just drop-kicked Smidgen out of nowhere! Smidgen spit out a glowing, orange-and-black pearl.

Zero X. Diamond
Pirates of the Carribean: The Orange-and-Black Pearl

Spoony Spoonicus
If you break it open do you get a bunch of rupees, arrows and skull necklaces?


WereGrowlithmon picked it up to examine it.

"This is really odd," said WereGrowlithmon.

Smidgen quickly grabbed it and pressed it deep into his skin. When WereGrowlithmon looked at Smidgen, his orange-and-black fur was a bit thin. Suddenly, it was bad into a thick and glossy state.

Clobberpuppy
Oh, it's just a container of Maybelline.


GULP! SPEW!

"YUCKY!" shouted Smidgen, upon spitting out a saliva covered Happy Bob. "Nothing from you? I pity that, foo'!"

Zero X. Diamond
Did Kevorkian leave the numbers of any of his associates behind?  I'd like to phone somebody about ending the pain.

Spoony Spoonicus
Not even his apparent power to pull military hardware out of nowhere?  Or make you jam in a completely arbitrary reference to Rocky 3?


~~~~the now dubbed "EVIL" spacestation~~~~

Zero X. Diamond
So evil~!  ^_^


"I've got it!" shouted the lead scientist. "I've got the perfect back-up weapon!" shouted the lead scientist.

Zero X. Diamond
"I bet you're wondering why we need one!" shouted the lead scientist.  "Well, fuck you, that's why!" shouted the lead scientist.


 He grabbed the captain and started to drag him to the lab.

Zero X. Diamond
Good idea, piss off the captain who has already demonstrated that he will murder his crew members without remorse.


"I'm kinda busy!" shouted the captain.

Spoony Spoonicus
"I was about to get the best time on Minesweeper and you ruined it!"


At the lab, the scientist showed him a computer screen. It showed a knight in black armor.

Zero X. Diamond
"Check out my new Skyrim character!" shouted the lead scientist.


"A knight?" said the captain. "That's what you drag me down here for?"

Zero X. Diamond
"Please use proper grammar!" shouted the lead scientist.


"Have you heard of Digimon?" asked the scientist.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh no.  Please, no...


"Yeah," said the captain. "Some stupid merchandising chain aimed at kids.

Zero X. Diamond
So the writer here is aware of how stupid what he's doing is, but just blatantly doesn't care.

Spoony Spoonicus
I get having a guilty pleasure in the form of a lousy toy commercial anime, but why would you make it a central point to the big bad guy's plans?


Why? Are they real? Did you make one?"

"Yes, and yes," said the scientist.

Zero X. Diamond
This exchange is physically paining me to read.


 "That is ChaosDukemon, the unholy knight. Mega level."

"That's not bad," said the captain.

Zero X. Diamond
"For a stupid fucking baby!  Hahaha, owned!  But seriously, I'm going to shoot you dead on the spot for wasting my time with this retarded bullshit."


 "But why a Digimon? We could make better creatures!"

Spoony Spoonicus
"Make me that awesome giant eyeball with a mouth from Monster Rancher!"


"Because I've noticed that the group of fighters resistant to the field has two Mega-level Digimon fighting with them. Eliminate them, and we vastly weaken the group."

Zero X. Diamond
You know what they say: fight stupid with stupid.


"Great!" shouted the captain. "Send him immediately!"

"Actually, I need to modify the *coughcough* control device. This may take an hour."

Zero X. Diamond
Wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaah!


"Fine. Call me when it's done."

(I used ChaosDukemon as his name, because I wasn't sure what his American name would be. And that's his name in Japan.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh, cool, so this isn't even one of his stupid, made-up Digimon; it's literally something from the show.  Can we call for a penalty on this one?

Retarded Fanboy
Name changes between versions don't arise from cultural differences!  They arise from RACISM!  Bandai is RACIST!


Want a picture? Clickie!)

Bob was lying on the ground, appearing to be shocked. He was flopping about on the ground like a dying fish.

Spoony Spoonicus
He was epileptic and someone turned on a Nintendo.


He finally managed to take a deep breath.

"Man, this sucks!

Zero X. Diamond
Tell me about it.


I'm covered in drool!" he shouted angrily.

He leapt screaming through the air. Poor Smidgen didn't figure on this one being so much trouble.

"YOU'RE GONNA FRIGGIN' PAY FOR THIS!"

A knife landed in Smidgen's forehead. The force knocked the creature back a little. It seemed to be confused.

"How you hurt me like that when you no have power?"

"I have power beyond your comprehension. I have the power of HOMICIDE!"

Zero X. Diamond
And in the name of homicide, I will punish you!


He pulled out a sawed-off shotgun

Zero X. Diamond
 Where are all these fucking guns coming from?  Are they all jammed up his ass, or what??


and stuck it under a fold of skin in the back of his neck. The trigger pulled and a shower of innards came out of Smidgen, along with the afformentioned "pearl." This time, WereGrowlithmon was too fast for Smidgen.

"You want this? Huh? You want this?"

Spoony Spoonicus
Gee, I wonder if this pearl could maybe possibly be the monster's weak point?  Durrr


Smidgen was too busy regenerating to care. The blast from the shotgun was pretty nasty. Yet, how come the other, much stronger attacks made on him hadn't done so much damage? Perhaps he had found a weak spot.

Now Bob pulled out a much stronger weapon, the RPG Launcher.

Zero X. Diamond
From whatever gaping, sucking void on his body they're hiding in.


 He once again stuck it under the fold in the skin. By now, the fur was completely gone from Smidgen, and he was ready to get it back. He easily threw Bob off, who fired the grenade into the air. It came down quite a ways away, blowing chunks of pavement everywhere in Twoson. (Yes, it went rather far. It was a ROCKET Propelled Grenade.)

Spoony Spoonicus
Just in case you don't know what a rocket launcher is.

Zero X. Diamond
Gosh, stop asking me to explain myself to you, dad!!


Bob was lying there on the ground, a little blood dripping out of his nose.

Zero X. Diamond
He just caught a glimpse of Smidgen's panties.


He laughed a bit.

"Wow, now that's the kind of challenge I've been waiting for!"

He stood up with ease. But then he screamed in pain and fell down. Apparently, he'd been thrown down harder than he had thought. His leg was broken.

Zero X. Diamond
Got off easier than Rocky did.


"Argh... stupid mother... if anyone cares to take my word for it, aim for the fold of skin in his back!"

He slouched over, holding his leg in pain. He couldn't move; the pain was actually too much for him. It looked rather bleak for Bob today...

Zero X. Diamond
As opposed to most days, when he was just running from the law and killing people at random, sleeping the night in hotel rooms ripe with the stench of decay and wondering what it must be like to be sane.

The dark shadow of Smidgen passed over Bob. Bob stared up in absolute horror.

"Well, It looks like this is the end of me. Hey, I wonder if they have donuts in heaven."

Spoony Spoonicus
No, but they have beer in hell.

Zero X. Diamond
I hope this doesn't mark the beginning of yet another incredibly irritating comic relief character.

 Thought Bob, although he doubted if he was going to go there.

Of course, Bob didn't die, because we're not allowed to kill each other's ACs,

Zero X. Diamond
Somebody seems bitter.


so instead, I'll have Brett attack Smidgen's flap of skin in a nick of time.

"Well, I'm glad I'm not dead, but my leg still hurts. Stupid broken leg. Hey, I wonder how much money I got." He thought, and his thoughts turned to The money he had so unfairly stolen from the guy at the ATM.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Everyone in this story has a severe case of ADHD.


Meanwhile, the battle raged on. "PYROWAVE!" Shouted WareGrowlithemon, And a huge blast of fire shot at Smidgen's flap of skin.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Screamed Smidgen, beginning regeneration and turning around to face it's assaillant, which was stupid, as at that time, Zac used his Ion Cannon on the weak flap of skin.

Spoony Spoonicus
Now everyone's pulling heavy artillery out of the Bullshit Zone.

Yes, things were looking bad for Smidgen. They had discovered his weak point and were doing a good job at exploiting it. The battle raged on, and finally, Kyle grabbed Excalabur, lifted it above Smidgen, drove it deep into that weak flap of skin, defeating Smidgen.

As smidgen lay on the ground, colored with neon green blood,

Mayor Mike Haggar
Smidgen only wishes he could be a tenth as cool as the Predator.


Greatest Mog On Earth took notice Homicidal Bob, lying on the ground with a broken leg.

"Hey, it's a Teddy Bear!" said Bob, as GMOE flew over him. He said "I wonder if it can-" "Hold still, this might hurt." GMOE cut him off as he grabbed Bob's broken leg and began to glow.

Zero X. Diamond
 He's casting "Amputate."


"Well, what did that do except hurt me!?" Demanded Bob.

Zero X. Diamond
Made me laugh at your misfortune.


GMOE just grinned and said "Stand up."

"What?! You've gottat be crazy! I'll just hurt myself more! Crazy cat thing..."

GMOE lifted Bob to his feet, and, to Bob's delight, it didn't hurt any more. GMOE had healed his wounds.

Sandra continued up the path to the cliffs of Onett, wondering who could've caused that common.

Zero X. Diamond
Average Joe caused that common.


 She was soon at the northern cliff. Sandra then caught her first site of the meteorite that fell on the clifftop, the very same one Buzz Buzz came from. She studied it for a second, and put her hand near it. It was still heated to an extent, despite being there for some time now. "Odd." Sandra chirped, not knowing what to do now.

Mayor Mike Haggar
"Chirped"?  That's generally not a sound people make under those circumstances.


There was no sign of unfrozen life at the cliff, though. Sandra did however find the spot were the rock had fallen to the oceans below, as there were still some ripples in the water. Sandra caught notice of some paths along the cliffside that she didn't notice before, and where there was a ladder going to one of them. She looked over towards the hills behind the Minch house, and found that the ladder was connected to that hill, and jumped across to the hills behind the Minch house, wondering what was down that ladder.

Zero X. Diamond
 She went over the hill to the ladder at the Minch house, wondering why the ladder at the Minch house over the hill was a ladder leading down the hill that the Minch house (which had a ladder behind it) that lead down the hill behind the Minch house.  Ladder hill Minch house.
Clobberpuppy
This is the farmer sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn,
That waked the priest all shaven and shorn,
That married the man all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn,
That tossed the dog,
That worried the cat,
That killed the rat,
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

Since the world was frozen, she might as well get a small headstart of some of the changes in her world within the last 10 years.

At the bottom of the ladder, the paths along the cliffside were pretty straight forward and sturdy looking. Good. At least she wouldn't have to worry about falling off and into the sea below. She looked over again at the water, and then a thought suddenly mentally smacked her upside the head.

Zero X. Diamond
It was the readers, indicating to her she should just get on with it already.

The water doesn't seem frozen like everything else is. Of course, it could just be my not knowing time anomolies very well. Not important, at the moment anyways. She walked along, soon finding a small opening in the cliff side which looked it, it would lead to somewhere under the meteorite. As she walked in, she didn't notice some of the fish flopping in and out of the water like normal, appearantly unaffected by the time freeze...

Spoony Spoonicus
That's twice now she's completely missed something that wasn't frozen.  Apparently she rolled a 2000 in Strength, Dexterity and Wisdom but a 1 in Perception.
Zero X. Diamond
Okay, time out.  I think we need a series of charts for THIS IF too.  Somebody needs to explain to me why this time freeze seems to be operating in completely different ways every twenty feet.

****

Back in Twoson, another gate materialized within the Twoson forests where Sandra was about an hour ago. The gate was a lot bigger though than the one Sandra went through, about 12 feet to be exact. As the gate stabilized, a deafening roar was heard, and then HE stepped out of it.

Zero X. Diamond
Louie Anderson.


He was a large 11 foot creature that had the face of a blue-eyed troll, along with white hair and beard hair, wore an opened blue overcoat studded with spikes over the back, a large center-studded crown on his head, had green skin, golden boots, and among the most surprising of features, he had a another face, a sinister looking one, in the MIDDLE of his stomach.

Zero X. Diamond
So... yeah, Louie Anderson.


Nebiroth stared around at his surroundings.

Zero X. Diamond
Who?

Clobberpuppy
Estuans interius ira vehementi
Estuans interius ira vehementi
Nebiroth!  Nebiroth!

This had to be the world his master's slayer had been trying to reach since his defeat. Nebiroth had been a lot smarter than the other underlings of Sardius, and staged his death at Sandra's hands during the battle almost 1 year ago.

Zero X. Diamond
He'd had a friend bet everything on Sandra and then took a dive so he could make a fistful of extra cash on the side.


He had been quietly trailing the pink-haired girl since she destroyed his master.

Zero X. Diamond
 I can't imagine it being easy for a giant to stealthily follow somebody.


 He liked his master! He allowed Nebiroth to destroy whatever he wanted, and eat whatever he wanted.

Zero X. Diamond
He was the best step-dad ever!


He was also mad at another dilliema that the cursed Pink-haired monster caused. She had killed his best friend Austorouto

Zero X. Diamond
Australia + Naruto = Austorouto

Spoony Spoonicus
An Austrian company that produces cheap network routers.


, and taken his cape, and she... she wanted to use the material for a wedding dress!

Zero X. Diamond
 That's pretty macbre.  "Hey, I just killed this monster, and this cape I soaked with his blood is made of some REALLY nice material.  I want to get married while wearing this!!"

Pitiful humans. Nebiroth thought to himself. Nebiroth was primitive in his vocal speech, but he possessed the mind of a tactical genius. Only problem was because of his primitive tounge, only Nebiroth himself could take advantage of his own cunning. His attacks in comparison with Sandra's were also not much to awe at:

Zero X. Diamond
I don't think anyone's attacks compare to hers.

a triple stacked beam

Zero X. Diamond
The BK Triple Stacker beam!?


 that was about as big as he was.  Sure it was powerful, but it was somewhat slow and easy to dodge if prepared, as well as the fire his other face on his stomach could breathe like a trailing flamethrower. Powerful, but easy to avoid.

Spoony Spoonicus
Solution: Buy a gun.


He didn't think he'd have much chance against that Pink haired thing, but he might as well at least try to avenge his master and Austorouto while he still could.

Roaring out "Nebiroth destroy Pink brat!" in his primative tounge, he dreadfully stomped his way out into the streets of Twoson. He took note of the Tour Guide of Twoson, frozen into position by the time freeze. "Nebiroth EAT!!" the monster shouted happy, and open his big mouth to chomp the tour guide, but her being frozen in time foiled the creatures plans for lunch. *CRACK!* Nebiroth whimpered as he realized the frozen tour guide was harder than titanium and totally unfased by his bite, as one of his teeth were now loose from the failed attempt to eat her. "This insane!! People here are made of rock!"

Zero X. Diamond
The mind of a tactical genius, huh?

Mayor Mike Haggar
The mind of a tactical genius, the vocabulary of a four year old and the survival instinct of a deer in headlights.


 he growled half primatively, and stomped down the street angrily, leaving minor tremors in his anger induced marches. Nebiroth noticed the elderly woman, Mr. T-look-a-like, and the taxi cab in the middle of the streets, and noticed they also weren't moving like the tour guide. He cautiously walked up to the elderly woman, and half attempted a bite on her. No effect. She was also as hard as titanium, or so it seemed. Nebiroth decided to not even chance loosing his already loose tooth on the Mr. T-look-a-like, and stomped ahead. "Nebiroth MAD! Whole world seems frozen!! No eat!! Mad!!" he stomped up and down like a child with a temper tantrum.

Zero X. Diamond
Mind of a tactical genius.


 Of course, being a LOT bigger than most children, he shook the ground considerably. He then noticed something on the ground nearby were some concrete had been blown out. Shrapnel of a rocket-propelled grenade lay on the ground. Nebiroth picked the shrapnel up, and held it up to his nose, and smelled it, and then opened his mouth and tossed it into it, eating the sharpnel. "Hmm... not bad! *burp*" Nebiroth said. Hey, shrapnel was better than going hungry, he would say.

Mayor Mike Haggar
If he didn't have the vocabulary of a toddler, perhaps.


 He decided to continue following the street, until he came at an intersection at the Polestar preschool, taking note every person in his path was frozen into place. Something in his mind told him going towards Threed might get him more food, so he slowly stomped his way down the road, and then within 2 more minutes, into the Two-Three tunnel.

(Nebiroth is my other AC. He will be revealed more in later posts. Yes he is sorta a bad guy, but he's not working for the people with the time ray, and he's just as confused as everyone else)

Spoony Spoonicus
"I don't give a shit about YOUR story, I'm telling my own!"


Bob stood there, feeling quite strange. Never before had he felt so good! He had once again laughed in the face of death.

"Well," he said. "That was neat. Can you show me how to do that?"

Zero X. Diamond
I have a feeling this is going to become a catchphrase... and I don't like that.


GMOE blinked. He blinked again, much harder.

"Uhhh... right."

Bob didn't feel right suddenly. His eyes were like pools of water. He'd never remembered feeling quite this way.

Zero X. Diamond
Yeah, okay, sudden emotional moment out of nowhere.  That's good writing!!


 He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Flipping through the numerous pictures of corpses,

Zero X. Diamond
Jesus Christ.

Spoony Spoonicus
He's like the Joker from the first Batman movie but with none of the charisma.

 he discovered one that made him do something he'd never done before.

Cry.

It was a picture of his parents. His parents who had been killed god knows how.

Zero X. Diamond
Let's see, he's a scatterbrained murderer who takes pleasure in killing people... hmmmmmm...

(FUN FACT: This will later be contradicted as his character miraculously shifts towards being sympathetic to some degree, as will most of this really sinister shit.)

He didn't know because he was always left at home, and noone cared that his parents were gone. Most people didn't even know they existed.

Spoony Spoonicus
Hey, another peeve of mine (yeah, I have a lot of those, deal with it): Shoehorning in a tragic backstory for a really obnoxious character to try and make us care about them. Has that ever actually worked?


Looking upon that picture made him feel lonely. Made him feel a longing for something else in his miserable life. He thought at first it may just be hunger,

Zero X. Diamond
That was just the pictures of dead bodies doing that to him.

but then he realized it was something far different. For once, he was longing for something other than killing.

But he had no time to think about this peculiar feeling. He had to get back to being a complete goofball.

Zero X. Diamond
No, please, don't go out of your way just for our sake.


Happy Bob just couldn't shake the feeling. He didn't know why.

"I'm hungry," complained Bob, "for some meat."

Zero X. Diamond
After looking at pictures of corpses.

Spoony Spoonicus
We've brought necrophilia and possibly cannibalism into Earthbound.  Wonderful!


"Well, there's quite obviously nowhere open, as time is frozen."

"But I'm starving!"

Bob clenched his stomach muscles hard. He was so hungry. He could have even ate GMOE at that moment,

Zero X. Diamond
DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT


but he decided not to chance getting shunned.

Mayor Mike Haggar
I don't think he's a wacky murderer so much as a gigantic attention whore.


Before he could make another complaint, a large crumbling sound could be heard.

Out of Two-Three tunnel burst the most hideous thing Bob had ever seen. Its name was Nebiroth. And its objective, like Bob's currently was, was to eat.

Zero X. Diamond
They're going to eat each other.


Nebiroth stomped into the distinctly more lit areas of Threed. It was only when he emerged from the tunnel, oblivious to the group and Smidgen ahead of him, that he took notice of the redness in the sky above. "Sky red... Why sky red?! This not home! Place is not allowed to have red light!!" Nebiroth had lost his craving for food at the moment, wondering what was causing the red light. He felt the red light to be a mockery of the Phantom Zone's skies,

Zero X. Diamond
Oh what, so only your precious Phantom Zone can have a red sky?


 which were crimson red, like blood. Nebiroth suddenly saw a red sparkling speck in the sky, which was actually the ship of the time beam, however Nebiroth thought it was a star responsible for the skies over this world.

Nebiroth began concentrating his energy into his hands, and growled up towards the star "Red star... BAD!!!" and shot his huge tri-stacked beam towards the star.

Spoony Spoonicus
How to kill a Jedi: Shoot three lasers at him at the same time.


He felt a lot better assuming the star wasn't just going to move and dodge it. It was a star after all, wasn't it? He turned his attention to the group ahead of him not even expecting anything from the star, soon realizing that Bob was staring at him. That human probably thinks I'm ugly. Humans... so vain about their looks and that of others. his more intelligent sounding mind said to himself.

Mayor Mike Haggar
You and I have a very different definition of "intelligence", then.

He then caught sight of a delicious looking source, a source with Neo Green

Zero X. Diamond
If Seth Green had starred in "The Matrix."

Spoony Spoonicus
It would make for a more watchable movie than Keanu Reeves and his sleepwalk-acting.


blood leaking from it: Smidgen. "Nebiroth hungry!!" Nebiroth suddenly remembered his hunger, and stomped past Bob, and towards Smidgen.

However, unbeknownst to all of them, Smidgen was far from defeated.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh come on!!  Seriously??  Let the gross naked babyman stay dead!


He was designed to put himself back together from strong attacks, and not just via regeneration. Smidgen had the ability to put himself back together, even if in many pieces.

Spoony Spoonicus
He's one of those characters who's so powerful that the writers just get lazy whenever he shows up.


 Smidgen wasn't able to notice the new arrival known as Nebiroth, but he was still planning his vengence strike, and now deliberating his former weakness. When he fully recovered, that weakness they used against him would be gone, and he would be free to roam again and to eat more people, and to get stronger. He didn't notice Nebiroth picking him up, thinking him to be dead.

Nebiroth was just about to devour Smidgen when the thing's eyes opened with a malicous glee, and the rest of the group jumped back in shock, and perhaps fear. Smidgen noticed Nebiroth about to eat him like some slain deer. Smidgen decided to turn the tables and see what this guy's powers could do and lashed out...

However Smidgen hadn't taken time to calculate Nebiroth's size, and was unable to open his mouth enough to complete swallow the large minion of Sardius, and was stuck with his mouth over and around Nebiroth's shoulders.

Zero X. Diamond
This conjures up a pretty weird mental image.


 What the heck!? Nebiroth growled mentally, and with the face on his stomach, uncovered by Smidgen, blew a blast of continuous fire into the creature making a failed attempt to swallow him. Smidgen couldn't resist the effects of the fire long,

Clobberpuppy
Burn him to ash!  It's the only way to finish him!


and released his grip on Nebiroth, howling in pain, and jumping up and down. "Nebiroth eat you! Not other way around!!" the large troll-faced demon bared his fangs, and Smidgen just growled back, prepared to strike...

***

Spoony Spoonicus
Three stars?  This story ain't even worth one!


Sandra's trek through the caves within the cliff, leading her through a couple of small intersections, and it made her wonder why such a place even existed under the cliffs. Soon, she came to a place reinforced by steel walls. "Could there be some installation hidden within the cliffs?

Zero X. Diamond
 No, those are clearly naturally occurring steel walls.


 If so, could this also the be the source of the time anomoly?"

Zero X. Diamond
Why don't you just sense the energy signatures like every other yahoo in this story can do?

 She asked herself. She found a door in the middle of these steel walls, and opened it, walking inside.

Zero X. Diamond
I hope it's the alien base from "They Live" and she runs into Roddy Piper coming the other way.