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2/05/2014

Rise of the Technoids, Part 6

BomberBoy said, still laughing hysterically, "And heh heh, the funniest thing about this is... AHAHAHAHAHAAA!! PANAMAJACK AND POO WERE CAPTURED BY TECHNOIDS!!"

Zero X. Diamond
Hey, that IS pretty funny!!

Zero and the rest were in disbelief at how BomberBoy kept laughing as he told them. Rocky gave Zero the "he's-up-to-something" look.

Zero X. Diamond
Zero countered with the "yeah-you're-probably-right-oh-by-the-way-do-you-want-to-grab-a-burger-later-i'm-feeling-kind-of-hungry" look.

Suddenly, BomberBoy's skin burst open and a technoid came out. IT WASN'T THE REAL BOMBERBOY ALL ALONG!

Zero X. Diamond
I would never have guessed!!
GlaDOS
Do not bother looking for your friends.  They will be released when they are finished with their tests.  Please continue on your way.
Mayor Mike Haggar
Wow, all these plot twists.  I am on the edge of my seat!

...I should probably scoot back a little.  That's better.

* BomberBot attacked!
* BomberBot: "Haha, fool. BomberBoy was captured along with Scorpion. I took his place. Prepare to enter the Great Beyond!"

Zero X. Diamond
What is this, Yu-Gi-Oh?
Spoony Spoonicus
Or just plagiarizing from the opening of Super Mario RPG.


* BomberBot whipped a shower of bombs up in the air and they rained down on the group! 523 HP of damage done to all!
* Zero used Gamma Crush! BomberBot was incinerated!

Zero X. Diamond
Along with all his friends and the entire city of Fourside!

Mayor Mike Haggar
You ain't SHIT compared to the Hulk!


Zero sighed, "I've been meaning to try that for a long time.

Zero X. Diamond
Well, at least since I got it about thirty minutes ago.

Never did use the Gamma Crush." Ryoto stared at Zero and thought, Wow, he's more powerful than I ever imagined... At the same time, Nyeka thought, Could I have really just seen the powerful display I believed I saw? Both of them were in Heaven.

Bad Box Art Mega Man
But they were both masochists, so this was actually HELL to them!  Oh, the irony!

Zero X. Diamond
The man of my dreams: capable of ushering in the end of all life on the planet at the drop of a hat.


Zero, on the other hand... let's just say he was feeling a little hot around the collar where he felt like he was.

Zero X. Diamond
A southern Baptist church?


Rocky looked at him in disbelief. "Really Zero," he said, "why don't you like them? I mean, they're CRAZY for you!" Zero kinda shrugged, but then said,

Clobberpuppy
Feed your he-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ead!!

Zero X. Diamond
"You're the only one I want, Rocky."


"Well, I'm just not used to girls acting that way around me.

Zero X. Diamond
All doubts regarding Zero's status as a self-insert just went out the window.

They used to always be like, 'Go away you metal bum! Oh, and, you shouldn't wear white pants after Labor Day.'

Zero X. Diamond
This line makes me cringe.


 It just made me so mad! And now that these two are here who are dying to be my girlfriend... well, I just don't have the feeling of love.

Zero X. Diamond
You should read about it on my Tumblr, wherein I detail the struggles of my life as an asexual atheist transethnic pan-asian otherkin paleontologist.


I lost it when I saved my parents and lost my memory, back when I was 6..."

Zero X. Diamond
How do you remember saving your parents if you lost your memory?

Messenger of Justice
I don't think you know what memory loss is.

Dante
They told me I had meningitis...

Vergil
Meningitis is a human condition, Dante.  You are not human.


"But wait," Rocky said, "shouldn't we head to the theater and free Panama Jack, Poo, Scorpion and BomberBoy?"

Zero X. Diamond
Yes, please!  Save us from more pointless backstory with no bearing on the plot whatsoever!


 Everyone looked at him. They gravely nodded yes. So they trekked off to the Topolla Theater.

"The boss says to leave them in here until the procedure.", said a voice,"Make sure they're locked up tight."

Jack painfully lifted his head and looked at the source of the voice. It was a human-sized robot, floating on a disc-like platform.

Clobberpuppy
No, they got Static Shock!

Spoony Spoonicus
...Wow, somebody actually remembers that show.  I'm genuinely surprised.

It moved towards Jack and looked down at him.

"I don't see why master is so worried about you.", it said as it inspected him, "You don't look so tough."

Zero X. Diamond
"Do you even lift?"


 With that, it hovered away.

Spoony Spoonicus
"You don't look so tough.  Which is why I'm retreating as fast as I can!"


Jack tried to lash forward, but found that he was held in place by a set of glowing chains. He jerked side to side and strained his muscles, but the bonds wouldn't bend a bit. He looked to his side and saw Poo having similiar problems.

"Any ideas?", asked Jack as he leaned backwards."You have any PSI that would help us?"

"No.", sighed Poo,"I only have battle PSI, I don't have any powers that could open or destroy these bonds...

Zero X. Diamond
Yeah, you couldn't possibly, say, focus the PSI on the bonds and destroy them.


 Can you do anything?"

Jack shook his head and sighed. "I only know one way out of this place, and its going to hurt both of us a lot. I'm going to bust out of here. Brace yourself."

Jack began to concentrate and started to collect energy. However, as soon as he had collected the first bit of energy, a large shock racked his body. It hit him so hard that it knocked him to the ground. He got up and turned to Poo.

Tourettes Guy
HAHAHA!  HE TURNED INTO A PILE OF SHIT!  Awwww, FUCK!  No, he didn't.  It's just the bullshit grammar!

"The bonds prevent me from using special attacks. We're going to have to find another way out of here..."

Zero X. Diamond
Gee, I wonder what that will be?

Suddenly, the door was blown in. Zero Diamond, red-eyed,

Zero X. Diamond
 My God, he's blazed out of his mind!


flipped several times, landing on the floating technoid. "Well well SPANKY,"

Zero X. Diamond
GROOOOOOOOOAN.


Zero said, apparently going berserk, "should I tear your head off or puncture your gut with my saber?"

Spoony Spoonicus
Oh my god this fanfic is turning into SHIT PIECE!  Run for the hills!

Zero X. Diamond
Well, that's rather dark.

The technoid gulped, gave out a strangled laugh, and tried futily to float away. Zero stood on top of the technoid, then proceeded to tear it's torso straight off of the platform and leave it to die on the ground.

Zero X. Diamond
It's like The Day The Clown Cried.  Zero's snapped and is brutally murdering this robot with his bare hands, but we're playing it for comedy.

Zero burst into the next room, everyone else close behind. He smashed the platform over one technoid's head, then slammed that technoid into the other. Noone had ever seen him act this barbaric before.

Zero X. Diamond
Probably because nobody had seen him be interesting in any way before.


He burst into the Bosses Room.

Bad Box Art Mega Man
The gate slid shut behind him. A life bar appeared in the sky above and filled itself as the boss struck a menacing pose.

Zero X. Diamond
"I'm giving you my two weeks' notice," he shouted.

"Welcome Zero..." said Johanne, "... to your death." All of a sudden, two tables shot up behind Ryoto and Nyeka. They became strapped in and a high-powered laser was in front of them.

Zero X. Diamond
Man, this guy thought of everything.  Surgical tables embedded in the ground on hydraulic rams that also apparently have the ability to move about freely below the floor and track the movement of their targets, which then shoot up and forcibly strap them in somehow.

 "Give up Zero." laughed the Dopplebot Mastermind, "You'll never win."

Zero X. Diamond
"Do you expect me to talk," asked Zero.  "No, Mr. Diamond.  I expect you to fight me in yet another short and pointless boss battle which you will win effortlessly in order to prove how awesome you are."

Zero heard the girls screaming for help... when all of a sudden, something just snapped inside him.

Spoony Spoonicus
As opposed to 20 seconds ago when he started his murderous rampage.


In a fit of rage, he picked up the Mastermind's desk and threw it at the laser, full-force, effectively disabling it.

Zero X. Diamond
And effectively crushing the skulls of Ryoto and Nyeka.

Then, he took the remains of the laser and smashed it over the Mastermind's head. He pulled out his Saber Sword and slashed thousands of times. By the time Zero was finished, Johanne was in 21124838905723957 pieces.

Mayor Mike Haggar
He took the time to count every single one.

Zero X. Diamond
 By the time Zero was finished, the author had mashed all the numbers on his keyboard a few times to illustrate a large number without any effort.


 He breathed heavily, then let the girls down. Out of nowhere, he hugged them both close and cried, "I'm so happy you're all right..."

Unknown to them, an unseen foe was awakening behind the wall...

Bad Box Art Mega Man
Is it Wallmaster again?  I hate that guy!


They continued on to release the cuffs of Poo, BomberBoy, Scorpion and Panama Jack. But as they undid them, Mortar Doppler burst through the wall. He stood 15 feet tall and had a humongous cannon on his shoulder. He looked grimly at our heroes, but oddly as ever, Zero appeared to be protecting Ryoto and Nyeka.

Spoony Spoonicus
"I mean, they're both creepy stalkers and more than a little insane, but I'm the HERO!"


Suddenly, it's eyes narrowed and it threw a punch, straight at Ness, who just barely dodged it. He spoke nothing.

Jules Winnfield
I ain't heard of Nothin', do they speak ENGLISH in Nothin'?


Everyone went forwards, but Zero signaled them to stay back. All at once, Zero's eyes grew redder yet and a blue orah

Zero X. Diamond
There's my favorite word again.

Star Platinum
ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!


flared up around him. His hair turned so blonde, it was almost white. He let out a tremendous and powerful roar of strength. The floor all around him burst up and rocketed skywards. His muscles blasted outwards and his veins pumped adrenaline faster than ever. A tremendous flash of light followed, and then, there stood a Super Star, in the flesh...

Zero X. Diamond
Freddie Mercury??


He let out a berserkish cackle

Spoony Spoonicus
You know, one of those.


and shouted, "So MORTAR, you really think you can beat me?" Zero continued laughing. Mortar Doppler appeared very angry.

Sound FX

He threw a punch, but just as it would have connected, Zero vanished, reappearing behind him. Mortar let out a strangled gasp and took a mighty blow to the back of the head,

Zero X. Diamond
He Shatnered him!


 knocking a thick coat of armor completely off this ball of armor and power. He hadn't prepared for this kind of fighting.

Zero X. Diamond
He thought it'd be more like West Side Story.  All those weeks spent training with the finest Technoid choreographers...

Another blow landed on the shoulder, causing the cannon to explode.

Mortar was furious. He picked up the entire stage of the theater and whipped it at Zero. The Super Star yawned. As it came ever so closer, he actually began playing with some string.

Zero X. Diamond
Fuck you.  Just... fuck you.  Nobody likes a douchebaggy showoff prick, dude.


 Then, again, just as it was about to hit, he executed a backflip kick and the stage flew out into the middle of the Dusty Dunes Desert.

Spoony Spoonicus
Crushing the poor white Sesame Seed and the talking buffalo bones.


MD's temper flared. He began picking up chairs and throwing them at Zero.

Clobberpuppy
It's like that trope where the mook empties the magazine on the bad guy to no effect and then he throws the pistol at them, also to no effect.  Why do they always think that's a good idea?

 He backhanded them into the Desert too, right in front of the stage.

Then it happened. Mortar got so mad, he grabbed Ryoto and Nyeka. He began squeezing them like an Anaconda does it's prey.

Clobberpuppy
That's sexual harassment, and I DON'T HAVE TO STAND FOR IT!


That blew all his chances for survival. Zero, red with rage, screamed in an unworldly voice, "YOU LET THEM GO YOU BIG TIN CAN OR I'LL TURN YOU INTO A VACUUM CLEANER!!!"

Mayor Mike Haggar
Thereby giving him an upgrade.


The technoid laughed and squeezed both the struggling and fighting girls until they both started struggling to breathe. That did it. He completely snapped there.

Spoony Spoonicus
He's already gone berserk and Super Saiyan, how much more berserk can he possibly get?!


Zero began chanting in some unidentifiable language.

Zero X. Diamond
 Knowing this fuckin' chump, it's probably pig Latin.


His orah of blue completely sucked itself into his Star Crusher. It became the Super Star Crusher!

Zero X. Diamond
That would be mighty impressive if you'd ever mentioned the existence of the Star Crusher before!

(By the by, it's a gun.  That shoots big goofy stars.  Like in Kirby.  Yes, really.)
Spoony Spoonicus
It's like in Power Rangers where they have all the five seperate Zords that combine together into one big Megazord and they just go straight to that in every episode.  They never even use the separate Zords at all!

He powered it up to full blast and shot at MD. The arm holding Ryoto fell off, let go of her, and exploded.

Bad Box Art Mega Man
It's a good thing it all happened in that exact order or she would be D-E-D Dead!


The orah left the Star Crusher and entered his arm, for the Kinetic Bombs. They became Super Star Bombs! He threw the biggest ball of energy he could create at MD's other arm. It exploded on contact, dropping Nyeka.

The orah left the Kinetic Bombs and now entered Zero's forehead crystal. He preformed an operation that his armor would never have been able to withstand without it. He whistled so loud, that all his pets at once came running.

Zero X. Diamond
So he's going to kill Mortar Doppler with a stampede of pointless side characters?

 They merged into his armor, and the armor grew larger and larger until he towered 20 feet tall.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh, no, he's going to rip off Mega Man's hyper combo from Marvel vs. Capcom.  Of course.

Mega Man
At least he has some taste.


 His body hadn't changed size, but his muscles were so immense, he could still move his maximum speed with 90 ton armor on.

Zero X. Diamond
We now have a new question for the ages: who would win in a fight: Superman, Goku, or Zero Diamond?

Spoony Spoonicus
Dick Tracy.  He'd radio for backup and their asses would be grass!

He powered up his multiple weapons to maximum level, level 8, and fired. MD and the entire Topolla Theater went out in a brilliant flash of light. But in the nick of time, Zero threw his shield to the others so they could block the intensity. It worked.

Zero X. Diamond
Of course.


Mortar came raining down in millions of tiny pieces. As Zero lost his Super Star powers and dislodged his merged pets, his heart was finally rediscovered.

Zero X. Diamond
And Zero's heart grew three sizes that day.


As soon as he touched the ground with his feet, he ran over to Ryoto and Nyeka and hugged them close. He picked them up and spun around in tears. "I almost lost you back there," said Zero, "and I just could never stand the heartbreak if it had..."

Zero X. Diamond
Remember folks, if you want somebody to love you, just sexually harrass them a bunch and then get placed in a life-or-death situation.  It will instantaneously change their opinion of you!!


 He then proceeded to kiss both of them, smack on the lips. Noone had ever seen Zero so cheerful. They watched as he ran and jumped, skipped and celebrated, and even flirted with Ryoto and Nyeka.

Clobberpuppy
They've drawn him into their insanity!  Everyone, run while you still can!


The doors of the Department Store burst open, and the citizens came flooding out. They looked at the wreckage of the Topolla and mourned their great loss. But then the theater mananger exclaimed, "I just realized we could have those construction guys in the desert rebuild the whole thing for us! We could pay with this diamond!" Everyone gave a great cheer.

Zero X. Diamond
Yes, give them Zero Diamond!  Sell him into slavery so we won't have to see or hear of him ever again!!!

Spoony Spoonicus
It's funny because you remember it from something else!  LAUGH!

As they left to go search for the "construction guys" who were actually just miners,

Zero X. Diamond
 Heh heh, what a bunch of stupid cocksuckers.  Nowhere near as smart or as handsome as me.


Jeff interrupted the time of rejoicing. "Ahem." Jeff began, "It has been found that no mode of transportation is left in Fourside. The technoids completely destroyed all of them, turning the useful parts in to their HQ to make more, and leaving the rest for scrap. Therefor, we must find another way out of Fourside to Summers.

Spoony Spoonicus
Ness tried PSI Forced Plot Point Alpha!  It wasn't very effective...


I think I know just how as well. There appears to be a land bridge behind one of the walls.

Zero X. Diamond
Of course.

Spoony Spoonicus
More bad game writing there.  "There's one way to get to the closed off forbidden place, but it's beyond yet another long, nondescript cave full of monsters!"

If we could get past the wall in the far back of Fourside, we could walk through the areas of No Man's Land and the Kalimari Desert,

Zero X. Diamond
You know, those places that were totally just beyond the walls of Fourside.  You remember going there in EarthBound, right?  That was where Omega Starman was, with his Future Age Cyber Hippies.

Clobberpuppy
Just watch for flying Koopa shells!


finally leading to Summers." Everyone thought of these terrible names, then of the people of Summers facing worse threats than even the Doppelbots posed, and grimly agreed to clear out the Mutant and Alien infested region of the Technoid Horde's rein to reach Summers…

The gang scaled the wall farthest north.  They searched and searched, hoping to soon find the land bridge.  Finally, Rocky exclaimed, "I found it!  The land bridge is over here!"

Zero X. Diamond
It's really hard to find a giant mass of land.

Mega Man
These clowns couldn't find a sidewalk if you kicked them out of a parked car.


 Everyone stared at it in awe.  It was a horrible wasteland, dry to the bone.  Not a bit of life appeared to be anywhere.  "So THIS…" said Zero, "is why Fourside put up that wall…"

Zero X. Diamond
It wasn't at all just a method of keeping the player from wandering off into the nothingness they hadn't bothered mapping.


So our heroes ventured forth, not knowing what to expect beyond.

As they walked, they observed everything about them.  There were piles of ash here and there.  Ground level volcanoes abounded, though they only gently bubbled.  The sky was red like blood.  Corpses could be smelled from every angle.

Zero X. Diamond
And this is all just on the other side of that wall in Fourside.
Spoony Spoonicus
This is where people who crossed Mr. Monotoli went to "disappear".


 It was not very pleasant.

Zero X. Diamond
Thank you.  I had assumed it was a fragrant corpse smell that made everyone happy.


Suddenly, a gang of twisted monsters jumped out from behind a hill!  These humanoid creatures were horrible deformed.  Their facial features weren’t level with each other, one eye higher than the other and so on.  Appearing to be brainless, they looked like they would make that up well in brawn.  These seemingly undead monsters could only be called one thing…  Gorgs.

Zero X. Diamond
I don't think that's what they are.

Clobberpuppy
Hey, leave Jim Henson's Workshop out of this!


It is said in ancient history that the Gorgs were once a highly intelligent race.

Zero X. Diamond
No, they weren't.


 It was said they built cities of modern proportions in the BCs.

Zero X. Diamond
No, they didn't.

 Along with their cities came technology.  They built supercomputers capable of operating their entire cities.  But with technology came the ultimate tumble of their intelligence:

Zero X. Diamond
Social networking?  Violent video games?

Spoony Spoonicus
Pointless backstory to make them seem more important than they really are?


 War.

Ron the Narrator
War never changes.

The story began as so many others do: With a poorly defined race wielding weapons powerful enough to decimate entire star systems, turning their continents into a fire pit that would boil the cooking pot of the skies into a delicious stew of terror and death.  Then it fell upon modern day humans, who would normally stand no chance against such a threat, to overcome and conquer through contrived means in the name of good old fashioned jingoism.  The same old Hollywood ending to satisfy all the eleven year old brats who thought Fight Club carried some deep, profound message about the evils of capitalism and The Dark Knight was anything but a sloppily pasted-together popcorn film preying on the nostalgia of idiots.  They all bought it hook, line and sinker as a few execs lined their pockets for the hundredth time that year.  But war never changes...

The Gorgs invented massive weapons of war, capable of incinerating entire planets.  Paranoia broke out amongst them.  And soon, they began one of the most horrible wars in history.  Gradually their minds geared themselves solely towards war, and they left technology in the past.  Their machines were either broken down or destroyed, and their blueprints burned.

The toll of these wars were apocalyptic.  Their numbers went from billions to thousands in a time span of three years.  After fighting so long, the Gorgs had worn themselves into a terribly deformed wreck.  They were finally driven by man into a vast expanse of caves, known as

Zero X. Diamond
Fraggle Rock.


"Exile."  After that, there is no recorded history of them.

Zero X. Diamond
Now, let's discuss the oral history of the Doozers, a mighty race of green wee-folk with a great work ethic...


Zero Diamond stared blankly at them.  He looked long and hard.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh myyyyy.


 Finally, he decided to approach them.  The girls reached out to try and stop him, but Rocky held them back.  "Trust me," he said.  "He'll be fine."

He made his way slowly towards the creatures.  As he moved, he remembered past experiences with such creatures.  Ah yes, primitive creatures like... Rachettinello.

Zero X. Diamond
This is the perfect opportunity to think about your old arch-nemesis who made no prior appearance in this story.


He half-chuckled thinking of his long-dead nemesis, slouched over, covered head to toe in hair and saying, "Unga bunga."

Captain Caveman
CAPTAIN CAAAAAAAAVEMAAAAAAAAAAAAN!


But at the same time terrible things came to mind.

Zero X. Diamond
Furry inflation cockvore porn.


What if... he thought.  What if he came back?  He tried to swallow, only to find his mouth was too dry to swallow anything.  It's impossible, he's been completely destroyed... but still.  If he were to come back, would I be prepared to face him again?  Would I be prepared to once again stare deep into the face of death itself?  Could I stand the cold, annoying laughter?

Zero X. Diamond
Would I continue dumping pointless exposition with no bearing on the story?  Does anyone really give a shit about any of this?  Who actually thought any of this was good writing?


 Zero shuddered at the thought.

He finally snapped out of it and noticed he was finally near enough to speak.  Quickly he cleared his throat.  "You there!" he said.  The Gorgs turned their heads and grunted in a confused way.  "I was wondering if perhaps we could make a deal?"  The Gorgs slowly approached him, groaning all the way.  He could feel his hand slowly tightening.

The most elderly looking Gorg stepped forth.  It slowly limped up to Zero, almost like a zombie.  Zero could almost hear it's bones creaking.  It stopped in front of Zero and slowly reached out it's hand.  Zero slowly and cautiously reached his hand out and took the Gorg's.  They shook hands, surprising ZXD a bit.

"Greetings," the Gorg struggled to pronounce.  "I am Dallaliah, the savior of my people.

Zero X. Diamond
Dalai Lama?

Spoony Spoonicus
Delililah?

Clobberpuppy
Dandelion?


 We have only recently extracted ourselves from the tunnel system known as 'Exile.'

Mayor Mike Haggar
Rendering that entire plot point completely useless.


 I have lived since our people's beginning.  It has been a tough battle to maintain my intelligence through the ages, but as you can tell, I've managed.

Mayor Mike Haggar
I think it was all those brains I ate.  Those seemed to do the trick.


And who are you, son?"

ZXD was shocked for a second.  He didn't expect such a literate creature.  "Uhm... my name is Zero X. Diamond.  I have been defending against an attack by an evil army.  These are my friends, Ness, Paula, Jeff, Poo, Rocky, Ryoto, Nyeka, Jack, BomberBoy and Scorpion.

Spoony Spoonicus
When did Poo, Jack and Scorpion get back?  Or BomberBoy, for that matter?


I wish to bargain with you and your people."

Clobberpuppy
If they're trying to negotiate, they should have brought Blanka along.  He brought peace to the Middle East, you know!


"We are open to any bargains you may have.  Let the negotiation begin."  The Gorg signaled for Zero to speak.  "We wish for your aid in navigating this harsh land.  In exchange, I will make my greatest attempt to have your race once again a part of society."

Zero X. Diamond
He's going to integrate a bunch of deformed cave-dwelling zombie barbarians back into civilized society.  Yep.


 The Gorg smiled, revealing some jagged, stained teeth.  "This is a wonderful deal.  We will help you navigate this area, but keep in mind, we've been down there for over 3000 years."  With that, he spoke in a series of grunts to the Gorgs, and they moved onward.

Spoony Spoonicus
Just always go straight when you get to a fork in the path.  You'll make it through eventually!


They made it about half way across the barren landscape before encountering a group of mutants.  But thanks to the Gorgs, they were easily scattered without conflict.  And with that, they continued through No Man's Land without trouble.  Then, they entered the Kalimari Desert.  Once again they made it halfway, but this time it was serious.

Clobberpuppy
They narrowly evaded being clobbered by a gorilla on a go-kart being chased by a spiky shell.  He was followed shortly thereafter by a glowing mushroom that exploded anything he touched and a princess trailing banana peels.

Before them stood what appeared to be a pile of guts pasted together by a first grader.

Zero X. Diamond
Okay, fuck everything else: this is actually an awesome image.


It began quivering and exploded, and out fell a human body.  "My goodness," Nyeka gasped.  "That is horrible!"  What happened next cannot be described.  It's unbelievably graphic.

Zero X. Diamond
Furry inflation cockvore porn.


Then, it stood up.  It was the body, but it was horribly changed.  Many parts of the skin were melted away, exposing flesh and bone to the harsh weather.  It was extremely muscular.

Zero X. Diamond
Cho Aniki zombie!!!


And it had that evil glint in it's single functional eye that could land someone in a padded room.

It gargled madly and came running at the group.  Rocky was the first to act.  He plunged the multiweapon, now a sword, right into the walking corpse.  It was swallowed up like candy.  It then grabbed him by the head and slowly began to drag him into it's disgusting remains.

Zero X. Diamond
This is legitimately the most interesting character in the story thus far.

Spoony Spoonicus
In a better story, this could actually be a really cool monster.


Ryoto blasted a beam of light at it's head.  It hit with a crisp, crackling explosion.  Smoke poured into the air from it's smoldering bits.

Zero X. Diamond
Nooooooooooo!!  The only character I cared about!!!


She let out a victorious laugh.  "That wasn't so hard!  I don't see what the problem was."

The corpse released Rocky, covered in gore.  But oddly enough, it didn't fall.  Instead, it stood and began quivering.  It's whole body wracking and waving about blindly.  And then, the most disgusting display of them yet occured.  A new head burst from it's shoulders, spraying guts and bits of the old one around the landscape.

Zero X. Diamond
Can this guy be our new hero?  This dude is fucking badass.

Clobberpuppy
He's like DecapAttack, only AWESOME!

It charged at Ryoto now, arms out and ready to assimilate.  A split second before it reached her, it was stopped.  Some unseen force was pulling it back.  As well as everyone else.  The group and the Gorgs tried to hold their ground, the living corpse merely attempting to hold itself together.  All at once, the sky burst open, a black hole appearing.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Let me guess: deus ex machina #1834?


Electical bolts sparked from it's bowels, and it's force got stronger.  The corpse was jerked off

Zero X. Diamond
Ohhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyy.


the ground, and Zero shortly after.  The corpse flew into the hole,

Zero X. Diamond
 And hopefully drifted through the infinite wonders of time and space and landed in a much better story.


 and someone fell out... right into ZXD's arms.

He didn't see it coming.  The falling person caught him off guard.

Zero X. Diamond
Assumably because he didn't see it coming.


As he looked down, he jerked in surprise.  There, in his arms, lay a blonde haired girl.

Zero X. Diamond
NO!  NO!!  NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Mega Man
This is the weirdest fucking harem anime I've ever seen.

Also, dumbest.

Just at the moment he saw her, the hole closed.  He plummeted to the Earth, much in the same manner as a brick.  He smashed his head into the barren earth below.

When he awoke, he was in a very humid room.  As his eyes opened, he saw a blurry shape over him.  They came into focus, revealing Nyeka brushing his forehead with a sponge.  He jolted and rolled off the table.  Apparently, whatever had snapped before was fixed now.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Hundreds of years of medical science and painful surgeries and all you need  to fix a broken neck is a sponge to the head.  Who would have thought?

Zero X. Diamond
Good, at least we're back to the wacky sexual harrassment hijinx.


He got up abruptly and looked around, starting with out the window.  They made it.  They were in Summers.

But something was wrong.  Nothing was out of the ordinary.

Zero X. Diamond
So... which was it?


The question at hand was the reason as to why the technoids hadn't came to Summers.  There had to be some reason as to why this place was a safe haven.  Some investigation was to be done.

Spoony Spoonicus
Well hey, they have to have some place to vacation once they're done ransacking the planet.


He turned back from the window, but halfway through his turn he froze.

There, in the bed next to him, was the girl that fell from the black hole.

Zero X. Diamond
Man, why couldn't it have been Corpse Buddy?
Oh, right, more wacky sexual harrassment hijinx.  Nevermind.  A perfectly fine trade.


  He almost instantly appeared over there and looked her over.  "Why is he paying so much attention to that new girl?" Ryoto muttered.  Nyeka heard her and replied, "Well, maybe it's because she fell out of a black hole and then thirty some feet to the ground with him?  She could be hurt you know."

Spoony Spoonicus
Remember kids: If that person you like doesn't notice you, fling yourself at high speed out of a wormhole and into his waiting arms!  He'll be sure to notice you then, if you're not both a pile of pulped organs and shattered bones!