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Frozen Part 4

the scientist gave a small smirk. "I guess he likes the name."

"JUST SEND IT TO the SURFACE!" the captain shouted.

Make my Goldar groooooooow!


Smidgen landed near the Threed forest, where the group was sensed to be located near. Smidgen looked around and located the group, immediately taking up the challenge.

(Smidgen = strong Kirby-like monster w/ extreme hunger + the ability to combine all powers eaten + once eats person, gets their power permanently until destroyed)

Zero X. Diamond
 So yeah, my assessment was on target.

"Thinking it over, that whole shoot-into-the-sky plan was pretty cruddy." reasoned Matt.

Zero X. Diamond
Pretty much every plan you guys have had has been pretty cruddy.

Zac sighed. "Well, we're kinda stretching for ideas here..."

GMOE rolled his eyes. "What are we supposed to do NOW!"

the group began discussing plans. Without really having any idea of what was happening, it was a difficult process...

Zero X. Diamond
I'm assuming most of their plans are shaping up to be "wander around looking for other unfrozen people and beat up monsters on the way."

Spoony Spoonicus
Still more of a plot than Dark Souls has.

Smidgen sneaked up behind them. It ducked down like a cat and prepared to pounce.

Zero X. Diamond
 I have a feeling that Smidgen is about as cat-like as Boog Powell.

"they way I see it is-"


GMOE was cut off as Smidgen struck. the creature's mouth opened wide and devoured the poor Mog.

Zero X. Diamond

Smidgen rolled on the ground in front of everyone then stopped and stood seemingly calmly.

Zero X. Diamond
Okay, well, maybe he's a little cat-like.

the group looked on in shock, and drew their weapons. Smidgen smiled gleefully at this display.

"What the heck is THAT!" stammered Zac.

Smidgen closed it's eyes and concentrated. It began to "digest" it's meal.

Zero X. Diamond
Hooray!  No more Dumbest Ass on Earth!!

And aura of white light encompassed the creature. Small red wings sprouted from it's back, and a single bobbing antenna (maybe that's not the best word for it...) from it's head.

Zero X. Diamond
You know what they say: YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!!  *honks clown horn, plays slide whistle*

Content with this metamorphesis, it spit out the shaken mog.

Zero X. Diamond
I hope this follows the cat theme and it's just half of him that he's trying to share with the rest of them.

"Ugghhh" gurgled GMOE, lying stunned on the ground. "That was easily the worst experience of my life." Kyle helped him to his feet.

Smidgen hopped up and down with pleasure. It enjoyed it's new power and was ready to try it out.

Zero X. Diamond
Just as Pictos was strong and hard to beat, I'm starting to get the picture that Smidgen is like a gross baby man.

It quickly pivoted to face Matt.

It cooed and let loose it's attack. Turrents

Zero X. Diamond
That's not a word and you should feel bad.

of holy energy burst from it's hands. It rocketed towards Matt and delivered a glancing blow.

"Hey!" exclaimed GMOE. "That's MY attack!"

Brett grinned coldly. "Well it doesn't take a genius to figure this one out..."

Zero X. Diamond
Good thing for them!

Matt retorted from the attack quickly and began his onslaught.


Sticky strands shot from Matt's fingertips,

Zero X. Diamond

forming a net over Smidgen. Unable to move, the creature growled unhappily.

Spider-man, Spider-man, does whatever a spider can!

Wasting no time, Matt leaped into the air and slashed.

"Gravity Blade!"

Zero X. Diamond
His amazing attack which uses the power of Earth's own gravity to cause a blade to move downwards towards his enemy!

Seeing this attack coming, Smidgen focused the holy energy in his hands. Two golden sword materialized. It used them to cut the web and roll out of the way just in time.

Matt struck the ground hard. the sheer force caused the earth to crack and leave a small crater.

Zero X. Diamond
A sword caused a crater.  DBZ logic at its finest.

Temporarily disabled from the shock, Smidgen made his move. Cooing happily it leaped up and devoured Matt.

Zero X. Diamond
This is edging dangerously close to fetish territory.

Spoony Spoonicus
It's fan fiction, what do you expect?  If the authors of their favorite game/fanfic/tv show aren't going to justify their creepy fetishes, then they'll make it so they do!


"Crud!" exclaimed Zac,

Zero X. Diamond
Nothing says "this is bad" quite like yelling "CRUD!"

 watching on as as Smidgen began to digest the fighter. "Everyone circle around it! As soon as it spits Matt out strike!"

the others complied, but things were not looking good. Smidgen had just shot up 2 feet, as did his swords...

Mayor Mike Haggar
Man up!  I jump higher than that on a daily basis!

"We'll do this in waves," Brett suggested. "I don't know if he can be ready to inhale as soon as he spits out, or if he can take in two or more fighters at once. Zac, you and I'll go first." His brother nodded in agreement.

Matt's spit-soaked body was spit out. "Hyaaa!" Brett and Zac shouted, charging the monster. Smidgen was absolutely delighted to see the twins charging at him. Bowing slightly, Smidgen prepared.

Zero X. Diamond
 He gained Japanese politeness from obtaining Matt's weeaboo powers.

 When Brett and Zac were about twenty feet away, Smidgen took a DEEP breath, causing the two to lose balance and fly towards the deep cavern of Smidgen's mouth.


As soon as Smidgen swallowed the two, Smidgen's size increased and leveled off near the two's height, around 5'11". the cute monster was also starting to turn more humanoid-like, as it devoured three already.

Spoony Spoonicus
Oh god, I just realized something: this whole thing is plagiarized from that stupid Majin Buu arc from Dragonball Z.  A fight with a shitty, overpowered villain that goes on about six months too long to close out the most retarded action show in all of existence.

Smidgen's now smaller mouth grew to allow Brett and Zac to be spit out, saliva and all.

"Unngh... I feel gross..." Zac complained.

"So do I..." Brett agreed.

the creature spoke, with the voice now sounding like a mix from himself, GMOE, Matt, Brett, and Zac. "Who else wants Smidgen to devour them?" A sinister smile crept onto his face.

Zero X. Diamond
Eeeuugh, he's getting off on this.

Pain. the blaring pain.

Zero X. Diamond
Could it be?  Is it time already??

She came to her senses, immersed within the tremendous head pain that came from the long travel through the time gate of Santranus.

Zero X. Diamond
Yes!  She's here!  She's finally here!!  All of our dreams have come true!!!!!

Spoony Spoonicus
Oh joy of joys, it's Sandra Sue, Fanboy's horrible character whom he wrote a literal 100 page wiki about.  She's here to usurp the entire story and show us all how awesome she is with her array of super broken abilities...

It had been only 5 minutes since she jumped through that fated gate. It seemed her body wasn't totally ready for the re-emergence through the gate, just like when she was five, only she didn't pass out as soon into the trip as when she came to Santranus as a 5 year old.

Spoony Spoonicus
Comic book exposition.  Recap the entire last 20 issues worth of story in case we missed it!

She looked around, taking note of the lucious green forests around her. She then noticed she was in the middle of a clearing. No, not just a clearing, THAT clearing.

Zero X. Diamond
You know the one.

the very same one that she came to on the cursed day of her grandmother's death, and the fated hour she herself had disappeared from this world.

Zero X. Diamond
We were DEFINITELY supposed to do some additional reading before this.
Spoony Spoonicus
I did.  It was painful.

Sandra held her throbbing head, still in pain from the body wracking trip back to her own world. She sincerely thank the Bourdan Towers for giving her the final right to let her return home.

Zero X. Diamond
Thanks, Bourbon Towers.


Zero X. Diamond
Famed time-traveling guitarist Carlos Santranus.

 believed her quest and destruction of the Phantom Zone king Sardius was enough for her to endure. the elders of Santranus told Sandra they would go to the Bourdan Towers and from reaching into her mind for the answers, summoned the magic power to reopen the very gate Sandra fell through to her cursed life.

Now she was home. Home!

Zero X. Diamond
She lives in the woods?

So much had probably happened within the 10 years she was missing.

Zero X. Diamond
Apart from Giygas and that whole thing with the Technoids, not much.

Would Twoson even remember her from so long ago? She hoped so. Her sugar-pink hair, and her odd black outfit and arm-length gloves stood out,

Zero X. Diamond
Can't imagine why.

and almost no one in Eagleland had the hair she did.

Zero X. Diamond
Judging from all the anime rejects who've been popping up so far, I somehow doubt the truth of this statement.

She shook her head more, trying to drown out the still persistant head-pains of traveling through the gate. Sandra, while doing this, gave a slight gasp at herself. She saw a red outline-like aura around herself.

Zero X. Diamond
The teacher had circled her with a red pen and scrawled "Stop drawing on your homework" next to her.

 Others around her wouldn't likely see it, since it was part of Sandra's ability to see the effects of magic on sentient things. the red outline indicated she was "Hasted".

Spoony Spoonicus
I should explain something for those who haven't read the character wiki or don't care to: Like so many author characters, her writer couldn't decide whether to give her a "limited" pool of powers and abilities from Earthbound, Final Fantasy, Harry Potter, Dragon Ball, Doom, or anything else he's ever heard of.  So he just gave them all to her as well as some super broken "original" abilities.  She's basically a walking cheat code that has any and every video game power you can possibly think of and absolutely zero tangible weaknesses...

 I don't remember using Haste on myself when I jumped in. I must've gone out of it and used it without knowing it. She thought and cast Dispel on herself. the magic coins came down to her, but were repelled.

Zero X. Diamond
FUN FACT: Dispel is Latin for "GIVE ME MONEY."

"What? Dispel's not working." she thought, a nitch surprised Dispel didn't do it's thing. "I guess I'll have to remain this way for now. Not like anyone else can see it anyways."

Free and permanent Haste for no reason!  Hooray for twinkiness!

Zero X. Diamond
Just wait until she meets the moron squad.  They'll all be whispering to each other about how embarrassed they'd be if they were caught walking around with a red outline around them.

Sandra had by now managed to completely shove away her recent head pains, and she realized she needed to get re-aquianted with Earth again. First things first, she thought, walking away from the clearing within the Northern forests of Twoson, and out into the path near the back of the Hotel.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Is she going to explain every single thing she does before she does it?  Because if so, this is going to be a long, LONG story.

As she walked out, she noticed a woman, most likely a tour guide or so, frozen still in place, as if she were paralyzed by some kind of force. It was only when Sandra got closer she saw something. A light-pink aura surrounded the woman, which indicated, at least in Sandra's POV from the usage of some of her time spells, that the tour guide was stopped in time.

Zero X. Diamond
Science is magic.

"What the heck?" Sandra blurted out loud. She then turned down the street, noting that an elderly woman on the right sidewalk, a Mr. T look-a-like, and a taxi cab in the road were all still, the two living things also having the Pink-aura of "Stop" around them.

Spoony Spoonicus
Some more of that wonderful "copying the game's design to an obsessive level of T".

...No pun intended.

"Oh god, please don't tell me I've left one problem, and walked into another. the whole world... couldn't be frozen in time, could it?

Zero X. Diamond
DING DING DING DING DING!!!  Congratulations, you just won this lovely kewpie doll!!

Spoony Spoonicus
We're going to retread this scene again every single time another author character jumps in, aren't we?

If so, then why am I not affected? Is it because it might have happened before I got here, or is it something else?"

Sandra's gut instinct kicked in, and she sprinted like a bolt down the street, making a sharp right, zooming towards a familar place, a familar setting: Polestar Preschool. She was darting so fast she failed to look towards Burglin Park as she ran, and a familar face in it, also an appearant victim of the time anomoly. Sandra did however get a faint notice of the red field that seemed to be surrounding Earth. It was then she realized something was terribly wrong on Earth that fated day, as she arrived at the Polestar house. She pulled on the door. It didn't budge. Even inanimate things seem to be affected by this.

Zero X. Diamond
Yet another person who didn't get the memo about the nature of this time distortion!

 the whole world must be under some time freeze! Sandra then gripped the knob of the door hard with her right arm, and with good yank, managed to rip the door off it's hinges and threw it to the side. Hoping they wouldn't kill her about the door later,

Spoony Spoonicus
They're frozen in time, remember?  How would they even know it was you wot done it?

she ventured into the Polestar house with every right to be suspicious of her surroundings...

(finally, I'm back in IF action!! [Big Grin] )

Zero X. Diamond
May God have mercy on our souls.

By now, Happy Bob had become quite lost and quite confused. Not a good combination by any means. Especially when it comes to him.

Zero X. Diamond
Being some kind of unhinged killing machine, I don't think knowing where he is would really do any good.

"Man, this sucks! How am I ever going to do some damage if noone can farking move?!"

Zero X. Diamond
Happy Bob, spokesman for Fark.com.

He ran up to a man in a suit. Bob began stabbing, attempting to plunge the knife into him.

Zero X. Diamond
Healthy behavior if ever I saw it.

But to no avail. It was like trying to stab a cement slab. Torture in the mind of a homicidal maniac.

Zero X. Diamond
I'm struggling to still like him.

Happy Bob suddenly clutched his head, falling to his knees. He began screaming. Screaming and screaming. For once, he couldn't kill anyone. For once, he couldn't gain pleasure from someone else's pain.

Zero X. Diamond
He gets off on murder.  Charming.

Spoony Spoonicus
Cheer for the Ted Bundy worshipping sociopath!  CHEER DAMN IT

When all seemed lost, a ray of hope came in the form of yelling. He leapt off of the man's shoulders and ran towards the source of the commotion. He arrived quickly on the scene and was shocked.

Before him stood a bunch of people. Some of them were drenched to the bone with a smelly, sticky liquid. the rest were ok, as far as he could see. Just as he was about to change that, he saw the monster. All he could do was raise an eyebrow.

Zero X. Diamond
Reaction to a gross, naked, muscly baby man: dull surprise.

"What the heck is this? A mutant vaccuum cleaner? PAtheTIC!"

Bob effortlessly leapt onto the creature's back and plunged his knife deep into the creature. It roared in pain, but quickly recovered by sucking the knife into its body. Happy Bob's eyes suddenly looked like pools of water. And then they turned red.

Zero X. Diamond
Apparently Bob gets the same copy of "Furious Berserker Quarterly" that Zero Diamond does.

"You... swallowed... my... KNIFE!!!"

He suddenly pulled out Dual Colt Commandos.

Zero X. Diamond
Two military grade automatic rifles that this guy just happened to have hidden on his body somewhere.

And of course, despite them being large, two-handed weapons, he can hold them one handed without any effort.


He began firing on Smidgen, ripping bits and pieces of him off.

Zero X. Diamond
Well hey, at the very least, we finally have a character that's actually capable of doing something!

A large hole was developing in the monster's back.

Spoony Spoonicus
Cue endless complaining about a character using guns in a fanfic about a game where firearms aren't generally used at all.

That's when he did it. He leapt inside of the creature, and was sealed inside.

Zero X. Diamond
I know where he's coming from.  Whenever I see a bloody, gaping hole in a monster, I get the urge to jump into it, too.

"Hmm, this looks like a meat processing plant. Neat."

Zero X. Diamond
The inside of the monster is a large concrete structure with meat hooks on conveyors dragging animal carcasses around to stations where workers cut them up?

He began swimming around in the guts looking for his knife.

Zero X. Diamond
Oeffal diving is one of my favorite sports.
Spoony Spoonicus
The type of person those shitty-ass Saw films are marketed towards, ladies and gentlemen.  Serial killers and wannabe serial killers.

 It was nowhere to be found. After quite a while of searching, he found his knife.

Zero X. Diamond
 It was nowhere to be found, except for where he eventually found it.

He promptly slashed out of its stomach and landed with a solid, blood-soaked crack on the ground in front of the others.

"Hey, this guy peeves me off. I think I'll be on your side of the fight. For now."

Zero X. Diamond
As soon as Smidgen's taken care of, Bob's going to wear one of them like a little coat.

With that, he pulled out his Dual Colts again and poised for battle.

the others simply stared.

(By the way, if you are wondering what I meant by "sealed inside," I was suggesting that the monster had regenerated its living cells.)

Mayor Mike Haggar
He really is Majin Buu.

Sandra slowly walked into the living room of Polestar, taking note of the neatly arranged toys on the shelves, indicating they weren't watching any kids for the day. No one else was in the living room though, so she decided to look around closely for things.

Zero X. Diamond
Time to case the joint.

She saw a familar sight: the old bookcase where she remembered the Polestars keeping their family albums. She walked over and reached into one of the shelves, and yanked out an old, dusty book marked, "Pictures of 1984".

Zero X. Diamond
It was filled with pictures of workmen in identical jumpsuits and monitors displaying a stern-faced man with the caption "BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU."

Spoony Spoonicus
Hey kids, you know what's a much better story to read than this?  George Orwell's 1984!  Expand your mind with that instead of shrinking it with fan fiction!

She flipped it open, and looked through it until the 11th page. the second pic in the third row caught her eye, as well as some of the tears from it. In it were a woman, a man, and two girls.

Zero X. Diamond
None of them were familiar.  Turns out she went into the wrong house!!

One girl was holding up the other playfully while the picture had been taken. She took the picture and placed it in a small pocket on her outfit, and then put the book back. She then looked over and noticed the kitchen door had been open when the time freeze appearantly occured, making it easier on her, since she wouldn't have to rip that door off like she had the front door.

Mayor Mike Haggar
She simply smashed through the wall instead.

Sandra stepped into the kitchen, and saw a familar sight again. A woman was at the window over the stove, flipping pancakes, as the pancakes were in mid-air, frozen,

Zero X. Diamond
No!  Not the pancakes!!

and as was the woman as well, sporting the pink aura of Stop that only Sandra could see. Sandra began to form tears and looked away. I'll have to try my best to undo what has happened.

Zero X. Diamond
I will avenge you, pancakes.

But I don't even know what's been happening in the last 10 years! Where do I start?. Sandra put that thought on hold as she took sight of the stairway behind the frozen woman, and walked slowly upstairs into the den she remembered so well. Memories flooded back to her: the day she learned of her strength had come here, as she remembered wanting food so badly, that she walked up to the playpen and had ended up ripping the playpen door off when she was 2, banging it on the floor loudly until someone came up to feed her.

Zero X. Diamond
Did we already make a Baby Geniuses joke?  Is it okay if I make a crack about Baby Geniuses 2: Superbabies?

 Tears streamed down her face now from the old memories, and she walked over to one last door, which she had to sadly rip off as well, since it was also closed when the time freeze occured.

Despite her great big muscles and a really big ray gun
Sandra's still a Mary Sue but she's the only one
with a badly written backstory to make her super strong!
She can be a winner if we only sing along!

Inside the room, the walls were pink, a small table lay in front of the door, a table she also remembered. She and another girl would play here sometimes when they had to stay upstairs. Sandra remembered a few of the old tea parties she had when she was four, a year before she vanished from Earth. She saw that there was now only one bed though, instead of their being a bunk bed, like she had remembered in her old days. they must have removed it when they learned she had vanished. She was the only person that used the bunk bed. No one else really slept in this room except her 'friend'.

Spoony Spoonicus
Angst angst angst angstidy angst angst angst angstidy angst angst angst

 "It's time I started over again." she said to herself, stopping her tears for the moment, and walking out of the room, and then out of the den, and then the kitchen, looking back at the woman at the stove, frozen in time, and then through the empty living room, until she was finally outside of the preschool again.

Sandra felt as if she had been given a chance to start over, but in retrospect that she would have to likely fight again to take advantage of that chance. She couldn't start over in a frozen world.

Zero X. Diamond
You can't start over, but hey, you could have some real fun times before you did.  Let's all list things we'd do if the world was frozen around us!

Personally, I'd get a magic marker and draw silly mustaches on everything.  And probably like, stockpile a bunch of frozen pretzels.

... I guess I'd have to think about it more.

She had the idea she wasn't the only one who had resisted the effects of the freeze. Others probably had too. But she knew it wasn't a hopeless cause. Sardius had been probably the worst evil she had ever fought while on Santranus and in the Phantom Zone, but part of his powers and fearsomeness were because she was on HIS home turf. Whomever was intruding on Earth was now on HER home turf, so that made her a little more confident, but she had to be careful, careful not to let confidence put her over in the end.

Spoony Spoonicus
I get the feeling our writer here has heard of a lot of story tropes, has no idea why they actually make any sense, but decides to include them in his story anyway...

She once more took out the old photo she confiscated from the Polestar house, and thought to herself. It'll be only a matter of time, then we'll all be reunited again.

Zero X. Diamond
Without any context of how she knows them yet, this is really disturbing.

Be there when I return, please. as she looked at various people on the photo. the man, James, who was her father. the woman, Penelope, who was her mother, the girl on the bottom with the pink hair, herself, and finally the girl she held above her head, giggling madly, Paula, her sister.

With those thoughts, she put the photo back into the pocket on her outfit, and prepared to set out to Onett first.

Zero X. Diamond
Amazing!  Somebody's actually not automatically aware of where to go as they enter the story!

Perhaps someone there was resistant to the effects of the time freeze...

Spoony Spoonicus
Unfortunately it's the lunatic saxophone man who lives in the woods near that run down house on the cape.

Ffish opened his eyes.

Zero X. Diamond
There's a name for you.

Blinked. Blinked again. Something was wrong.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Gee, could it possibly be that the earth is frozen and they're one of the few that aren't frozen for reasons we have yet to establish?!  The suspense is killing me!

Zero X. Diamond

He stood up. He then realized what was wrong. Saturn Valley was usually alive and bustling with noise this time of day. Rather, he heard silence. Not complete silence, as he could hear wind blowing through the trees and over the valley's cone-shaped rooftops, not to mention the barely noticable pouring of water in the distant Peaceful Rest Valley brooks and rivers, but there was no characteristic nasal Saturn-speak, no walking, no chirping of birds, nothing that would signify that any life-form was still active. Ffish stepped outside, humming a bar from a song he heard not long ago. He arrived outside and froze in pure horror. Saturn Valley was in a perpetual stillness. Everywhere he looked, there was a Mr. Saturn in mid-step, or in mid-air. Though he had to admit to himself it was pretty cool, it wasn't every day that your adoptive family of small pink alien creatures defied all the laws of physics and froze in time and space while you were out astroprojecting.

Spoony Spoonicus
That's "astral" projecting.

Zero X. Diamond
A human being named Ffish who was adopted by Mr. Saturns and spends his free time astral projecting.  Okay, sure, I guess.

He plucked out of midair a young one that was falling off a ladder and stuck him on the ground.

Zero X. Diamond
It's pretty amusing to see all the different interpretations of exactly how frozen time is.  Bob can't get a knife into a guy, but Ffish can pick up and move frozen people.

Elsewhere, Lara Croft was turning a throwing knife around so that it wouldn't hit her friend and kill him, but instead hit the guy who threw it as soon as time unfroze!

If he could just find out what the heck happened. the swooshing of the wind through the trees again caught his attention. A look of resolution spread across his face. He marched up to the nearest tree and placed his palm on the bark. A stone buried deep in on of his pockets glowed and started telepathically giving off lyrics to a soothing tune.

Zero X. Diamond
The Mr. Saturns make some weird MP3 players.

It's what you wanted for me.
To be your everything.
I only wish you could see, yea-eah.
I can't be anything,
but I know the One who can.
And all that I've tried to be,
I've left with empty hands.
And I hope you wake up,
and do your best to understand
that I can't be your...
(Note: song- Superman; band- Luna Halo)

Zero X. Diamond
Thanks, I'll be sure to look it up.

Somehow, it all made sense to him. It's not quite clear how he understood that a gigantic spaceship piloted by an alien scientest bent on furthering knowledge even if it cost the lives of an entire populated planet froze all beings in the animal kingdom presently residing on the planet except for a few that were for some unknown reason unaffected, but it was still perfectly clear to him.

Zero X. Diamond
Wow, he really read between the lines of those lyrics.

the tree did a great job of explaining.

Zero X. Diamond
I thought trees were great listeners?

Spoony Spoonicus
Now can it just mentally project that into the minds of anyone else who wants to join in on this clusterfuck so we don't have to go through this scene again?  ...No?  Okay...

 It also left him with a strange feeling that in another universe, another consciousness, another IF, another life, another something, he was in a similar predicament, except for the fact that he was a semiomnipotent being from another plane of existence. He just shook off that feeling, though, and forgot it for the rest of this IF.

Zero X. Diamond
Tee hee!  I'm self-aware!

"Oh, well," Ffish decided. "Might as well go find the other un-frozens. PSI Teleport Beta!"

And with that, he homed in on the nearest un-frozen human. Geez. That was convinient.

Zero X. Diamond
It sure was.

"WarriorNacemon!" shouted WereGrowlithmon.

Zero X. Diamond
Good, these idiots again.  I've been missing the sucking void of their stupidity.

Spoony Spoonicus
WereGrowlithmon?  You're mashing together Pokemon, Digimon and werewolves.  That's just asking for a fanboy shitstorm.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Endless arguments about which one came first and which one is better, completely discarding that they're both just 22 minute toy commercials for mediocre dreck marketed to seven year olds.
Spoony Spoonicus
And pedophile magnets, as already mentioned.
Mega Man
Everyone knows the best commercial anime of that era was Monster Rancher.  At least it didn't recycle animation constantly and the human characters actually did something instead of just standing around cornholing each other.

"Yeah?" said WarriorNacemon.

"I think it'd be best if we attacked from a distance!" shouted WereGrowlithmon. He unseathed his Staff of Fire, and started focusing. the orb on the end started to glow with power. He thrusted the staff forward. "PYROWAVE!" A huge blast of fire came from the orb, aimed at Smidgen.

"What to do? What to do?" thought Smidgen. "I never saw him fight! Nor did any of these guys I've absorbed. I'll just have to rely on instinct and reflexes."

Zero X. Diamond
Hopefully you didn't absorb those from these guys, or else you're gonna be in trouble.

Smidgen quickly rolled out of the way of the attack, but was singed by the attack.

"Grr," growled WereGrowlithmon. He seathed his staff and unseathed his sword. It suddenly started burning. "FLAMING SWORD OF BATTLE"

Zero X. Diamond

shouted WereGrowlithmon, shouted as he charged at Smidgen, blinded by his own rage.

But it was a dumb move, because at that moment, Smidgen started inhaling.


Slowly was WereGrowlithmon "digested". After a few minutes, he was spit out. Just then, Smidgen started growing orange and black fur over the surface of his body.

Zero X. Diamond
He's turning into a hideous reflection of everything that's wrong with this story.

"SHOCK STORM!" shouted WarriorNacemon. A black storm cloud formed in front of WarriorNacemon, and huge amounts of lightning flew at Smidgen!

"No! Don't!" shouted WereGrowlithmon. But it was to much.

"BLAZE BARRIER!" shouted Smidgen. A ball of fire encompassed Smidgen, and it deflected the electricity from WarriorNacemon's attack.

Spoony Spoonicus
Because that makes sense!

Happy Bob just stood there, acessing the creature's abilities.

Zero X. Diamond
I think that's supposed to be assessing, but I'd like to pretend he's just plugged in a Game Genie and is using cheats to get all his attacks.

It appeared to him that the "mutant vaccuum cleaner" could steal people's skills. He swiped a bit of sweat off his forehead. Luckily for him he didn't have any skills.

Zero X. Diamond
It would have made him pretty hard to employ if he wasn't already a wanted criminal.

 Unless you count anger as a skill.

Spoony Spoonicus
I wish I could put 'angry bastard' on my resume and get a job based on that.

At that moment, a person looking somewhat Angel-Saxon popped out of nowhere next to him.

"Yes, dum-dum?"

"Woah, that was cool! Can you teach me that?"

Zero X. Diamond
No, get fucked.

Ffish looked at Bob funny.

"Uh... maybe later? This IS where the basically indestructable Smidgen is, yes?"


Happy Bob burst out laughing. He couldn't help it. He'd never heard anything so absurd in his life.

Mayor Mike Haggar
This coming from a guy named "Happy Bob the Homicidal Maniac".

Well, probably other than some recollections of things he'd done before.

Zero X. Diamond
Like this one time, he stabbed a clown to death with a set of car keys.  HILARIOUS!

 Once again, everyone looked at him funny.

"Yes, Smidgen. I think the name is probably supposed to be decieving or something." said Ffish.

"Oh," said Bob, getting up off the ground and dusting himself off. "That might explain it, then."

Zero X. Diamond
Not really.