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2/27/2014

Frozen Part 3


code:

Biomerge Digivolution

"BIOMERGE ACTIVATE!" cried Dave.
"Canemon, biomerge to…


Clobberpuppy
Missingno!

WereGrowlithmon!"

WereGrowlithmon loaded himself into a missile tube, and was fired toward their home!


Zero X. Diamond
Because when you're able to afford your own private space station, fuck it, throw caution to the wind and use what is literally the most reckless and stupid mode of transport possible short of just jumping out an airlock.

But they couldn't believe what they saw when they landed…


Zero X. Diamond
High quality merchandise at bargain basement prices!

~~~~Inside WereGrowlithmon's mind~~~~
"Holy chicken fingers, Batman!"


Zero X. Diamond
I want to jam my fist through my monitor, into the internet, and back in time to 2002 to punch this guy in the mouth.


echoed Canemon's voice. "Sorry. I always wanted to say that."

Zero X. Diamond
Yes, you've spent countless years of your life planning this moment.  Days turned into months, months turned into years.  You'd started to doubt you'd ever find the perfect opportunity to make yourself sound like a retarded box turtle, but finally, it's all paid off.  Congratulations.

"Why is it that Ness is stuck in a fetal position?" asked Dave. "He isn't even moving at all! Remind me never to vacation on a space station! I think it warped my mind!"


Zero X. Diamond
It warped your mind right out of your body and into the toilet.

"It isn't just you!" said Canemon. "I see frozen people."


Zero X. Diamond
GET IT??  GET IT?!?  IT'S LIKE THAT LINE FROM THAT BRUCE WILLIS MOVIE!!!!!

Clobberpuppy
I love that movie!  Especially that twist at the end where it turns out Bruce Willis was a robot all along!


"That's not funny!"


Zero X. Diamond
Which one of us said that?

Sergeant Hartman
WHO'S THE SLIMY TWINKLE-TOAD COMMUNIST SHIT-SUCKER WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH WARRANT?!


said Dave. "Hold on a second. What's with that guy over there?"

"Yeah," said Canemon. "His face is all out of proportion!"

"He looks like a Picasso painting!"


Zero X. Diamond
"I was burned by napalm in Vietnam you insensitive bastard."


~~~~outside~~~~
"Grugh?" grunted Pictos.

"Hey!" said WarriorNacemon, jokingly. "He can speak!"

Suddenly, Pictos charged at WereGrowlithmon.

"Oh, s-" was all WereGrowlithmon could say before the deformed being charged at him and attempted to stab him with a spear of asparagus.


Zero X. Diamond
Hahahaha!  Oh Pictos, you so random!~ ^_^;;


Luckily for WereGrowlithmon, he was about an inch off.
 

Zero X. Diamond
Unluckily for literally everyone else.




The battle with Pictos was raging on, and now with a six-on-one advantage, it still wasn't going to the group's advantage.


Zero X. Diamond
So... the six-on-one advantage wasn't really an advantage at all, was it?


"Hmm... Brett, come here," Kyle motioned for Brett.

"Yeah?"

"I have an idea," he whispered. Kyle started to outline his plan.


Zero X. Diamond
After we arrive on our PT Boat, Zac, Brett and GMOE will dress up as girl scouts and distract Pictos, then everyone else will flank around from behind and hit him in the back of the head.

"Uh, guys?" Zac called over to Brett and Kyle. "We could use your help, not have you two stand and have a little powwow!"

"Keep that thing busy," Brett called back. "We're working on something." Brett turned back to Kyle.


Spoony Spoonicus
"On the count of three, run away as fast we can.  Three, two, one... GO!"


"You got it?" he asked.

"Yeah, I get it. Hopefully, he won't dodge. In fact... Zac! Hit that thing with an Ionic Cannon!"

"Okay, I guess." A yellow orb struck the creature, not causing too much damage.

Zero X. Diamond
Kind of like every single goddamn thing that's struck the creature so far.

The attack's intent, which worked, was to paralyze the creature for a moment.

Flicking his right wrist once more, Brett formed another Spirit Lance. Holding it out to his side, Brett floated in front of Pictos, with Kyle remaining where he was - facing Pictos's right side.

"Let's do it!" Kyle shouted.


Zero X. Diamond
Oh... but it's so sudden!  I don't even know how I feel about you yet, Kyle...


Holding Excalabur out, mimicking Brett, he ran towards the creature. About three seconds later, Brett started running towards Pictos.

"Holy Cross!" The two shouted, with Kyle slashing Pictos with Excalabur, immediately followed by Brett swinging his Spirit Lance. The two ran through, ending up with Brett behind Pictos and Kyle on his left. As soon as the paralysis effect ended, a very high shriek emanated from the chaotic monster.


Zero X. Diamond
"Man, Carnage always gets the best weed," said Shriek, blazed out of her mind.


The shriek caused everyone attacking Pictos to stop in pain from the noise. Using this moment, Pictos took off, flying south.


Zero X. Diamond
The sensation of pain reawakened his migratory instincts.


"He's... getting away..." Zac shouted through his pain. Managing to shake off the debilitating sound, he took off after Pictos, with most of the group still stuck.

"Hey...! Did we miss the fight?" a new voice called out. A little cat-like creature accompainied by a human walked up to the recovering group.


Zero X. Diamond
Oh good, these idiots again.


"Matt, you're not affected?" Brett called out.

"Affected from what?"

"The Earth was surrounded by an energy field that stopped time. We were just fighting a weird creature that Zac right now is chasing. If we don't hurry, he might get killed by that thing."
 




The observers had followed it all,



Zero X. Diamond
While carrying their brains around in salad bowls and forcing a guy and some robots to watch crummy movies in space.


They had defeated pictos' unusual ability to warp around anything by attacking from a 90 degree difference, these exceptions to the weapons effect were both strong and smart, they wondered if it wasnt a combination of both that kept them going. They couldn't get close yet, pictos was still wandering the planet, they needed to stay hidden just in case. There would be much time to study these people later.
Spoony Spoonicus
More illiterate rambling.


-------------------
Elsewhere

"commander, Shine and Shroud report their squadrons are ready to close the pincher formation"

Zero X. Diamond
The Pincher Formation, which is clearly the skeevy, perverted cousin of the Picard Maneuver.


"All right guys, close it up, remember, DISABLE not destroy the ship"

somewhere about a lightyear from Boris' present location a salvo of missles fired on the capitol ship from all sides, It was completely dissabled after the blasts were done.

Then the bad news came "Boris this is Shroud, the environmental systems on the ship are down, anything on there is dead..."

Zero X. Diamond
Boy, this would be really tense if I knew whose ship just got damaged.


"**** it" Boris groaned "Tractor the vessal back to earth, they launched some shuttles down before running, maby some scientists who know how to reverse it are down there right now, of course we can't get them ourselves. I guess we will just have to wait in orbit" Boris flicked a small switch to turn on the Public announcement on the ship "SCV teams 2 & 5 were bringing a ship for repair, prepare for spacewalk" He turned it off and went back to adressing the ships "Tractor this thing as fast as you safely can, we will be at Earth trying any form of radio communication we can think of to contact whoever is down there, Boris out"
He turned to an officer "Set course for Earth"

(PlasmaPenguin, it's not Excalibur. Kyle is not ruler of all England.)

Zero X. Diamond
It's Excalabur, which makes him the ruler of that Denny's just off highway 6 that all the truckers hang out at.


"I'll catch up with them!" yelled Glenn, as he dashed off after Pictos and Zac.

"What're you gonna do? Bite him?" asked Kyle. "You don't have a Holy weapon!" Glenn didn't stop.

Spoony Spoonicus
"I have the Holy Dentures +3, thank you very much."

"Let's go!" said Brett. The rest followed.

---

"You won't get away from us!" yelled Zac.

Pictos looked behind him and saw Zac gaining rapidly, and neither of the weapon-wielders were in sight. He quickly turned and attacked Zac, catching him off-guard. He knocked Zac toward the ground hard and prepared for a counter, but Zac kept falling into a forested area below.

Satisfied with himself, Pictos began to lower himself slowly after Zac to finish his off.

Zero X. Diamond
He won't be needing the rest of that off after hitting the ground like that.

---

Below the trees, Zac lay in pain. That blow was hard enough, but he felt like he hit every branch on the way down.

Zero X. Diamond
Every branch of the ugly tree.  Zing!!


"Oh, well," he said to himself. "At least I slowed him down. Maybe the others can catch up..."

Something was crashing through the shubbery.


Zero X. Diamond
It was the Knights Who Say "Ni".


Zac hurried to his feet, trying to regain his balance. He faced the direction of the noise.

However, it was Glenn who appeared, not Pictos. Which meant that way was north. Pictos would be coming from the other direction.

"Great, I might as well be a priest," said Glenn,


Zero X. Diamond
I'm... not really sure what that has to do with anything?

looking at Zac, who was now looking up to the southern sky. "The rest are following me. Let me help you." Glenn drew a rune of healing and spoke it. The rune multiplied and located wounds to attach themselves to and heal.

Zac began to feel better almost immediatly.



That was when everybody else landed. They all got into fighting stances and waited for Pictos.

"No, that won't work. Everybody that has a Holy weapon, stay here and fight Pictos. Everybody that doesn't, go back and wait for us." Said Brett.


Zero X. Diamond
Wait in the car and don't touch anything until mommy and daddy get back.


So, Kyle and Brett stayed to fight Pictos, while everybody else flew off. Everybody else, that is, except Greatest Mog On Earth.

"Well, get going." said Kyle. GMOE didn't respond, but pulled out two golden blades and infused them with Holy enrgy to make them more powerful during the coming onslaught.

Zero X. Diamond
 So you can just declare that something is holy and imbue it with the power of the Lord, huh?  Kinda trivializes things, don't you think?

Spoony Spoonicus
Elemental weaknesses.  Another super dumb thing to have outside the context of a video game.


And then Pictos came. Brett flicked his wrist and formed his Spirit Lance, Kyle pulled out Excalabur, and GMOE looked at it with a look that clearly said, "This thing's supposed to be tough tough?! Gimme a break!" He punched Pictos, but that just hurt his already injured hand.

Zero X. Diamond
You deserved that for "tough tough".


The fight began at once. Brett and Kyle charged at Pictos, wielding their weapons. "Holy Cross!" They shouted as they came into contact with Pictos. Pictos shreiked nad staggered backwards, where GMOE lunged at him with his swords.

"Raargh!" roared Pictos as he turned to face the new assailant. Kyle dashed up and slashed Pictos in the back Excalabur. Pictos swung blindly, and made contact with GMOE, knocking him for a loop.

Zero X. Diamond
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

Spoony Spoonicus
Maybe this is just me being petty about the franchise and the sheer shit-flinging stupidity of its fans, but seeing one of its iconic creatures getting bitch-slapped puts a smile on my face.

When he hit a tree, GMOE held up a hand as if to say "I'm fine, go on without me."

Zero X. Diamond
 Please let them follow his instructions to the letter and abandon him in the woods for the remainder of the story.


Brett and Kyle used Holy Cross again, but this time Pictos reacted differently. It shrieked, thus causing Brett and Kyle to cover their ears and drop their weapons. Pictos moved forward, and without thinking, Brett and Kyle moved back. Pictos took advantage of this and soon had them up against a tree. Pictos was gathering some bluish-green energy. This was the end. they knew it. They were going to die.

"RUUURGGHHH!!!" Screamed Pictos, as it whirled around to face GMOE, who had just shot a barrage of Holy energy. Brett and Kyle took advantage of this to grab their weapons.

Then, as if reading each others minds, the three fighters flew at Pictos, one aiming for it's chest, one aiming for it's head, and one aiming for it's stomach. The three made contact at the same time, forever banishing Pictos to the land of wind and ghosts.


Clobberpuppy
You can't defeat someone from the land of ice and snow and the midnight sun where the hot springs flow!

Zero X. Diamond
Nothing but farty ghosts for the rest of eternity.


--------------------------------------------------
When they got back to threed, the first thing they heard was Matt saying "We've got a plan."

"Excellent!" said Kyle. "What is it?"

"You see that black dot up in the sky?" said Matt, pointing to Boris's ship. "We're gonna try to take it down from here. Everybody ready?" Everybody nodded.

Everyone charged up there strongest projectile attacks and fired. Somewhere up there, they all combined into one huge attack, and hit the ship with so much force, that it smashed straight through any shield that the ship may have had up. The sheild weakened the attack, however, and it didn't destroy the ship.

[yeah im on your side >:|, please edit that when you get a chance]

Zero X. Diamond
Hell no!  He's trying to put an end to the retarded space antics, and I'm all for that!



[I'll clairfy something here: my writings about the surface team are from the
bad guys point of view, the surface team is working for the aliens who created the
weapon, not Boris, Thanks]

"Wait a second," Brett said before everyone fired at the dot. "We don't know what that dot is. For all we know, it could be the International Space Station."

Zero X. Diamond
For all you know, it could be a yogurt machine, or a bust of Vladimir Lenin, or a gigantic replica of a VHS tape of the 1994 Winter Olympics.

"True." The attack was halted.

Spoony Spoonicus
That scene added a lot to the story, thanks.

-------------------------------------------------

"Sir, what are we going to do about the ship that has a -"

"SILENCE!" The captain shouted. "Lieutenant, are the weapons repaired yet?"

"Yes sir."

"Then destroy that vessel."

Unsuspecting, Boris, Shine, Shroud, and Boris's crew didn't think nothing of it as they towed the enemy ship back to Earth. A few seconds later, the enemy vessel had let loose a barrage of misiles, laser fire, and what the ship had at their disposal.

"Captain Boris, sir! Enemy assault approaching!"

"Raise sh-!"


Zero X. Diamond
 -oddy writing levels?  -itty side plots?


Boris shouted the order, but it was too late. Having their shields down thinking that the enemy vessel was completely disabled, the attack was a small one, but it was all that was needed. The towing ability of Boris's ship was severed. Also, the attack damaged the propulsion on the ship and pushed the ship into the planet's atmosphere.

"Boris, sir! What should we do?" the helmsman shouted.
 

Zero X. Diamond
Die screaming.




"Hang on crews! that ship must have been giving off false readings! looks like were going in!"

Boris gave a last ditch command the the smaller ships being pioleted by his crews
"Shine, disable that vessal, board it and take whoever is on board prisoner, Do not kill anyone! When you get control of it, use it to tractor my ship out which will be frozen in the distortion field, grab the shuttle of mine that is in the field while your at it.

"All right Boris, sit tight, this should only take a few minutes"

"minutes" never reached his ears, as he became frozen in place

Zero X. Diamond
Hopefully this means the pointless space opera shit is over with, but I have my doubts.


------------------

The team was moveing in closer now, it was time to study the exceptions, but they couldn't be seen. They would have to take readings from the shadows until such time as they were sure these people could be trusted, The command ship had been on radio silence, but now they worried there was a problem, weapons fire could be heard, along with the occiasion yell. They would just do their job on the surface, they were confident the crews of the command ship could do theirs

Spoony Spoonicus
I can't read that crap and I'm not going to try. Either learn to grammar or don't type.



  

quote:

Originally posted by DrBoris:
[yeah im on your side >:|, please edit that when you get a chance]
[I'll clairfy something here: my writings about the surface team are from the
bad guys point of view, the surface team is working for the aliens who created the
weapon, not Boris, Thanks]

I knew they were good, but how could the ACs?
 



(Yeah, but a blast like that would have killed them, right? We can't kill other people's ACs.)

Zero X. Diamond
It is Ape Law!!


"They killed Pictos!" said one of the surface team members.

"Luck," concluded another. "Who knew that Pictos had such a weakness?


Zero X. Diamond
The R&D team that developed him, painstakingly testing his abilities in a laboratory setting?


However, it seems that the more they all fight together, the more synchronized their battle strategies become. You saw how those three managed to work together to finish Pictos off."

"Obviously, this should make sense. The more powerful inhabitants would have resistance to the effects of the weapon."

"No, it has to be other reasons.


Zero X. Diamond
It just does, okay??

Spoony Spoonicus
Every internet argument in a nutshell.
"You're wrong, it's this!  I don't have any credentials or even any proof it's not what you say, but you'd better believe every word I tell you or you're a brainwashed sheep!"

Each one of them would have to have been way more powerful than Pictos too have naturally resisted the effects of the weapon. Let's contact the ship, tell them what we know."
 

Zero X. Diamond
"This is the landing party calling mothership.  Our report thus far: there's a whole bunch of complete morons running around down here still and through blind luck and guesswork they managed to kill Pictos."



The sudden hardness of the bed awoke Happy Bob with a start.


Zero X. Diamond
Oh boy, here I come!!

He found himself in a hotel room in Threed. There was a dead body in the corner, and a particularly unfriendly note left on it. Not surprising, as many of his nights ended that way.

Zero X. Diamond
Is it sad that an unapologetic murderer seems to be front-runner for our most likable protagonist thus far?

Spoony Spoonicus
Just as long as it doesn't turn into Dexter.  That show is one of the most awful, boring, self-indulgent piles of garbage I've ever watched.

He scratched his head and sat up in the broken, uncomfortable bed. Something felt wrong.


Zero X. Diamond
(Hint: it's the fact that everything is frozen.)


Maybe it was the way his pillow still had the back of his head printed into it. Or maybe it was the way the General Lee was simply hanging in the air on the TV screen.


Spoony Spoonicus
Nobody can keep the rules straight on how this freeze ray is even supposed to work, even after they've explicitly been told how it works.


He figured a shower might help clear things up a bit.

So Bob promptly undressed and headed for the shower.

Zero X. Diamond
He just entered the story and already he's giving the ladies a little fanservice!


He slowly opened the door and stepped in. The handle refused to turn on the faucet. He struggled with it for quite some time before finally getting it to twist. But no water came out.

Clobberpuppy
You could say the pipes were... FROZEN!

YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Zero X. Diamond
Okay, so first it's just organic life that froze, but then Biggest Dipshit on Earth's house was TOTALLY frozen, and now Bob's hotel room is frozen, but not enough that it's impossible for him to interact with things?

Now he was sure something was wrong. He put his clothes back on, pulled his knife out of the wall and got up. He pushed the door open and sent the police tape to either side.

Zero X. Diamond
The police in Threed have a strict "no arrests" policy.  They just tape up the door of the crime scene and hope the murderer stays inside forever.


"Something's really wrong here, and for once it's not my fault. I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

He walked outside, pushing a few more adjacent corpses aside.

Zero X. Diamond
The police also have a strict "no morgues" policy.  All corpses are required by law to be left exactly where they're found.

Spoony Spoonicus
No wonder they had a zombie problem.


"Man, must've gotten wasted again.


Zero X. Diamond
It is never specified what exactly he means by this and it's never mentioned again.  Not that it matters, since later on most of this sinister shit is retconned in favor of trying to make him an actually sympathetic character, but hey.


Should try not to do that as much any... more?"

He looked at several people and animals standing still. Some of them were stuck doing the oddest things. One man was stuck pulling money from the ATM. Happy Bob rushed over and took the money, then continued wondering what was wrong.


Zero X. Diamond
A murderer AND a thief.  And he's STILL more likable than any other character so far!


When he could think no longer, which didn't take very long,


Zero X. Diamond
He thought and he thought 'til his puzzler was sore.


he decided he'd just go walking in search of SOMEONE who could tell him what in the world was going on...
 


"Sir, our ground troops have mentioned that Pictos was destroyed by the fighters that resisted the stasis field."

"Ah, so they could do it... Get the lead scientist up here, now."s

"Yes sir!" The officer saluted and ran off. About fifteen minutes later, a man in a while lab coat approached the captain.

"You wished to see me, sir?"

"Ah yes. I need you and your team to develop the ultimate fighter to rid that planet of the ones who are immune to the field's effects.


Zero X. Diamond
Please tell me they're not about to create Shadow the Hedgehog.


I want you to make it as strong as you can, for those people at one point might mess up my plans."

"I see. What attributes would you like to see in this fighter?"

Zero X. Diamond
Tall, athletic build, passionate about life with a love for arts and crafts...

Spoony Spoonicus
Go go Power Rangers.


The captain thought for a moment. "I'd say the ability to pull oneself back together from a particularly strong attack(s). A high power level, and... basically indestructible."

"Me and my team will get right on it." The technician left for the lab.

Five hours later...

"Sir, we believe that we have done the job." The deck began to shake from a footstep. A creature approached, but not the one some might expect.

Zero X. Diamond
It was Tony Danza.



"That thing is indestructible?" The captain asked, ready to burst into a side-splitting laughing fit.

"Yes. It may look weak, but it's very strong. In fact, almost all of my team was eaten by this."

Zero X. Diamond
You'd think that would have put a damper on the whole "make an indestructible monster" thing, having most of your colleagues eaten by the experiment, but these guys kept on truckin' regardless.

"Wha?" The captain's tone changed. "Well, let's test it against them. Send it to the surface. Oh, and does that thing have a name?"

"Um, how about something... cute, to throw people off? Like...


Zero X. Diamond
 Chesterfield Snapdragon McFisticuffs?


Smidgen?"

"Smidgen?" The captain's mouth was agog. "Smidgen?!"

Zero X. Diamond
Yeah, I know, mine was way better.

Spoony Spoonicus
This alien invasion is headed by the baby geniuses.


The creature responded to the name, cooing and hopping up and down with excitement.


Zero X. Diamond
It's like if Kirby had a baby with the Incredible Hulk and it came out short a few chromosomes.