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Rise of the Technoids, Part 3

* Rocky concentrated energy on his multi-weapon and changed it into a Thunder Hammer!
* Rocky slammed the Thunder Hammer on the ground, sending asphault and shockwaves at Bloodbane! 213 HP of damage to Bloodbane!
* Ness and his friends formed together for a group PSI attack, a combination of PSI Rockin', PSI Fire, PSI Freeze, PSI Thunder, Jeff's PK Simulation Wristwatch

Zero X. Diamond
Awesome. The one thing that really set Jeff apart from the others, overcome by the power of SCIENCE!!
Mayor Mike Haggar
I assume we'll never be seeing or hearing of this little gadget ever again?

and PSI Starstorm! 983 HP of damage to Industrial Wrecker #1!
* Tonberry and Kid Lavos did a group attack and sent needles flying at Megaspike! 1000 HP of damage done to Megaspike!
* Bloodbane charged up the Megaton Ion Technoid Cannon and shot it full-blast at Zero Diamond! Zero Diamond's armor was obliterated!

Zero X. Diamond
Oh shit, if he didn't have a million stupid gimmicks, I'd be really worried now!!

 543 HP of damage done to Zero Diamond!
* Zero Diamond: "What the heck??? Now you are going to pay!!"
* Zero Diamond flailed every ounce of energy left in his body at Bloodbane! 455 HP of damage done to Bloodbane! Zero Diamond got hurt and collapsed...
* Rocky: "ZERO!!!! Oh my god, I have to watch out for that weapon or my bones are dust for sure!!
* Rocky used PK Cosmic Starshower! 1345 HP of damage done to Bloodbane! 2234 HP of damage done to the Megaton Ion Technoid Cannon! The Megaton Ion Technoid Cannon was reduced to scrap!

Zero X. Diamond

* Bloodbane: "Hokey smokes!

Zero X. Diamond
Tourettes Guy
"What the FUCK is 'hokey smokes?!' Dumbasses didn't fucking proofread this bullshit!"

That is one strong dude! I am outta here!"
* Bloodbane teleported back to Technoid HQ.
* Rocky joins Ness and friends!
* Industrial Wrecker #1 slammed his mace into Ness! 342 HP of damage done to Ness!
* Ness broke his bat over Industrial Wrecker #1's head! 874 HP of damage done to Industrial Wrecker #1!
* Paula struck Industial Wrecker #1 in the circuit board with her frying pan! 2194 HP of mortal damage done to Industrial Wrecker #1! Industrial Wrecker #1 was short-circuited!

Zero X. Diamond
I like that he's set up as the most intimidating looking one of the three and yet our four heroes who have yet to accomplish anything in this story take him down in three turns.

And the final blow--the one that does more damage than the first two combined--is struck by Paula, who is physically the weakest of the four.

* Rocky: "Paula, try to get Dr. Genesis praying for Zero's safety! I think he's... well, near to death."
* Paula: "Rocky, I'd do anything to save someone with that much information from death!"
* Paula prayed with her whole heart! ... "Dr. Genesis! Dr. Genesis are you out there?

Zero X. Diamond
No, leave me alone!

 Please, if you can hear me, pray for Zero Diamond's safety! Pray with all your heart!"

Zero X. Diamond
But I'm an atheist!

Paula added "...and Rocky says afterwards, to build Zero Diamond new, more protective armor and a little bit of other stuff that could help him!

Zero X. Diamond
Be sure to include your special blast-processing technology!
And the CD and 32X addons!

But pray with all your heart or your best creation yet will be dead and gone!"
* Dr. Genesis suddenly heard a voice saying that Zero was in trouble and he prayed with all his heart for his safety. A glorious and heavenly light engulfed Zero Diamond!

Zero X. Diamond
Of course. Only the most glorious and wondrous light is good enough for our hero.
Spoony Spoonicus
It doesn't inspire much confidence in our hero when he has to be bailed out every twenty seconds by another deus ex machina...

Zero Diamond got up and pulled his weapons and items from his armor and put them on his clothes.

Zero X. Diamond
Can you imagine how awful he must look under that armor? I envisioned it as something he wore all the time, so basically he'd be wearing soggy, stinky clothes and have fish-belly white pruney skin.

 Zero Diamond joined the battle against Megaspike!
* Dr. Genesis prayed again this time for Zero Diamond and his friends to be able to stop this technoid! 32940 HP of damage done to Megaspike! Megaspike threw a kick with his spiked shoes, but missed and hit a wall. Megaspike was reduced to spare parts!

Zero X. Diamond
Jesus. Dr. Genesis is apparently in pretty tight with the big man. Why don't they just ask him to pray for the Technoids to be stopped?
Spoony Spoonicus
You know, I ordinarily hate the "love conquers all" cliche because it's terrible, lazy writing, but I was willing to give it a pass in Earthbound since Giygas was an entity of pure malice and that was the natural antithesis.  Here it's just plain moronic...

"I... lost my armor! How is it possible? It just seemed to explode into halves!"

Messsenger of Justice
"You know, I'm pretty sure that's NOT how explosions work."

"Zero, it doesn't matter now. It was Dr. Genesis's warm and pure heart along with his dedication to you that saved us all.

Mayor Mike Haggar

Megaspike was about to summon the Death Beacon himself, but Dr. Genesis's prayer stopped him from destroying Onett. Now we have to get you to his lab on Mount Itoi fast, or else we might encounter more technoids.

Zero X. Diamond
A location from EarthBound Zero, which takes place on a completely different worldmap from EarthBound.

In your fragile state, you couldn't handle it for long."

Zero X. Diamond
By the way, who's saying all of this? The talk about the prayer implies Paula, but how the hell would she know where Dr. Genesis' lab is?
Spoony Spoonicus
They're trying to get him out of danger, yet the guy set up shop on Mt. Itoi, one of the most absurdly deadly locations in video game history.  You've got enemies blowing up in your face, using Psi that drops you into single digits and regularly hitting for double  your maximum HP there...

So they started off for the lab. 30 minutes later, they arrived and rushed inside.

Zero X. Diamond
How did they get there so fast?  Can Rocky's sports car fold space and time around itself??

Zero rushed up to Dr. Genesis and started frantically explaining how his old armor wasn't strong enough to withstand advanced technoid weaponry. "Fear not Zero, I have some upgrades for you. First off, is this Double-Plated Armor Suit for you. It is brand new, it's double-plated, and is fashioned from the strongest and most flawless Diamondium Ultimito, a recently developed form of Diamondium Kyptosseline

Zero X. Diamond
Which is in turn an alloy refined from the purest Bullshittium and the finest Madeupium.

that is 2 times stronger. This will withstand anything thrown at you ever.

Zero X. Diamond
Zero's invincibility confirmed.

We tried everything on it, even running a train full of elephants in all of the 20 cars on it over it

Spoony Spoonicus
Does this guy work on the show "Deadliest Warrior", by chance? Both of their testing methodologies have surprisingly little actual science behind them...
Zero X. Diamond
Alright, I'll give him this: that's definitely not among the first things I'd have thought to test it with.

and it didn't even get scuff marks. Of course, the track did suffer some damage, so you inside the armor can still get hurt, but a little less actually then you could before.

Zero X. Diamond
Wait, so this asshole wrecked up some railroad tracks to test this shit out?  How many people are likely to die in the derailing that's going to happen now?

The next upgrade is the Gamma Chip. It collects that small amount of maybe 40 HP of damage your armor absorbs out of the ususal damage you took. It then converts it into raw explosive energy when it is fired. Your armor actually explodes and it has the force of an atom bomb when it does.

Zero X. Diamond
But you just said that he can still get hurt.  Pretty sure the force of an atom bomb is stronger than a train full of elephants, man.

Luckily, this armor withstands the explosion and you don't take any damage from the explosion.

Zero X. Diamond
So the armor DOESN'T explode?  And just magically doesn't feel the force of an atomic bomb against it?

This can be quite useful, you'll see if you don't believe me.

Zero X. Diamond
Yeah, right.  Name ONE situation in which an atomic explosion would be useful.  Surely a guy who's fighting super strong robots and trying to root out and destroy their base would have no use for that!!
Spoony Spoonicus
That's reasonable. "I'm taking too many hits, time to unleash enough force to wipe out a major city!"

The final upgrade is the Sakugarne.

Zero X. Diamond
Quint's fucking pogostick?

It was said to have belonged to a robot from the future that the late Dr. Wily hired to destroy the late Megaman.

Zero X. Diamond
Quint's fucking pogostick.

Mega Man
A fine addition to my arsenal of weapons. So much so that I never used it once.  Not so much because it sucks, but because I have my dignity.
Bad Box Art Mega Man
We'll see if you're still singing the same tune in 37 years!

We have modified it to do your bidding and it can communicate with you through the sunglasses looking visor that will slide out of your helmet when you use it.

Spoony Spoonicus
Well dang. Now I want a mentally-powered jackhammer.

It is basically a robotic pogostick you can ride or use as a weapon. Either way, there is a spike on the bottom that is quite sharp and accurate in hitting enemies from overhead. Also, the last modification made to it is it has 2 controls: height, which goes from 6 inch bounces to 10 foot leaps, and speed, which goes from 1 to 10.

Zero X. Diamond
A pogo stick that makes itself move, defeating the entire purpose of a pogo stick.

Spoony Spoonicus
One to ten what, exactly?

 Use it wisely in your fight against the Technoids! Now go my child, go and save EagleLand!"

From Black and his silly dice maze!
Zero X. Diamond
Okay, let's stop for a minute to analyze what seems to be the biggest goddamn plot hole as of yet.

So, Zero's talking about following the Technoids here from another dimension, but note that he himself had to learn how to travel through dimensions himself.  He's aware of things from Mega Man X's continuity, and Dr. Genesis is well-versed on it as well--to the point that he made ZXD's armor based off of Zero.  Yet he's met Ness and the gang before, and Dr. Genesis' lab is apparently on Mt. Itoi, located in this dimension.

What's more, EarthBound takes place in 199X (1994 or 1995 is assumed because of the game's release dates) and yet Dr. Genesis refers to Mega Man and Dr. Wily (characters who first appeared in 200X) as being deceased.  So apparently, not only are these universes seperate, but their timelines are way the hell apart too.  So why would Dr. Genesis go back in time and to another universe to set up a lab on top of a secluded mountain while Zero is still fighting against some powerful unknown enemy force?

So the gang headed off to Threed to investigate the Doppelbot Technoid situation...

Meanwhile, back in the Secret Technoid Fortress...

Zero X. Diamond
And while I'm at it, what the fuck?  How did the Technoids JUST ARRIVE and already they have a secret fortress built somewhere?

A conversation began between some technoids, a worker, an official and a scientist.

Wait, wait, I've heard this one. The punchline is "Byzantium"!

"Man, I think making Sigma all these bodies is a little overkill. Seeing as we made him 6 forms, plus a suit of ride armor." said one of the workers.

Spoony Spoonicus
"We should have stopped at five and spared the world the indignity of Hobo Sigma and Trigun Knockoff Sigma."

 "It may have been hard work making the first 5 bodies, but that sixth and most powerful one was a synch, seeing as we found that robotic body in a dumpster rather beaten up. The power in that thing is astounding!" said the scientist.

"We also found an 80 foot giant mecha with a hot rod for a head at the salvage yard for two bucks, but some other guys beat us to it!"

The official, looking quite the opposite of worried in his expression, now spoke. "With the power of this group of do gooders, we had no choice but to make him this many bodies. With that meddling incompetent Zero Diamond around,

Zero X. Diamond
That same meddling incompetent who has handed your asses to you every single time he's met your guys without barely breaking a sweat?

Sigma needs many bodies to survive." The official paused and then turned to the scientist who spoke of the body in the dumpster and said, "Now on other matters, you say you found Sigma's final body in a dumpster in an alleyway?" The scientist responded,

Zero X. Diamond
Yes, Sigma's final form: Dead Hobo Sigma.
Bad Box Art Mega Man
Later featured in Mega Man X6.
Mega Man
And that's when we all knew for certain that the Mega Man X franchise had officially jumped the shark.

Mega Man X
I... you know what?  I can't even argue with that.  You're completely right.

"Yes, it was very peculiar that something that powerful had been that badly damaged. We came back here with it and put it under study. The results of our tests are astonishing... I doubt even you would believe this, sir."

The official looked annoyed, but calmed down quickly and said, "What are the test results?" He sat patiently, and the worker began. "The first test, the robot type test, showed it to be both a Reploid and a Human, but when searching the body, there was no trace of a human inside. The next test, scanning it's data, revealed something extremely shocking. This was no ordinary robot. It was shown in it's memory that it was created by an alien creature, by cloning from a human and mixing it with evil energy. That human was none other then ZERO DIAMOND." The official was in a state of disbelief, shock and horror.

Zero X. Diamond
That's right, it's Zero Diamond's evil twin, ZXDoppelganger.  I shit you not; that was actually a thing.  I can't remember if I'd redesigned him yet or not at this point, but he eventually gained a leather jacket, an eye or cheek scar, and a toothpick in his mouth.  Yeah.  Yeah...
Bad Box Art Mega Man
Goatees and leather vests for evil counterparts are SO 1960s!

"You mean to tell me, this thing is a clone of Zero Diamond?!? How can we be sure we can trust this thing??? What if it reactivates like some robots can once repaired and attacks us?!?  It's dangerous to have this thing inside of our lab!!! But if it is a clone of Diamond, it could also be very powerful against him."

Mega Man
This is sounding more and more like a bad episode of the Mega Man cartoon...

The worker looked on puzzled. The conversation continued on, but the story needs to go back to focus on our heroes.

Zero X. Diamond
Oh like it really matters...

Back in Threed...

The gang arrived in Threed, and all seemed peaceful. Zero Diamond whispered to the others, "This one isn't as easy as you might think. We're going to have to search every nook and cranny for clues, but at the same time try not to act suspicious. If they are Doppelbot Technoids, they'll figure us out as soon as they notice anything suspicious."

Spoony Spoonicus
Why are the Technoids even trying to be discreet?  We've already seen that they can wipe out an entire city in a matter of minutes...

Our heroes decided not to split up, even though they would cover more ground, just for safety reasons.

Zero X. Diamond
A big group of weirdly dressed people openly carrying weapons around with them.  Nothing suspicious about that!

They began walking through Threed. It sure seemed normal enough. They walked past a man sitting on a bench. As they walked by, Ton noticed something about the man's eyes.

Zero X. Diamond
They were beautiful, like pools of loveliness; pools he wished he could dive into and swim through forever.

They were mercury grey, but of course, it could be a coincidence. He also noticed the man craned his neck to look at them as they passed by, possibly another coincidence.

Mayor Mike Haggar
Just as long as he's not wearing a spraypainted William Shatner mask and coveralls.

 When they were a little ways up the street, Ton tugged at Zero's arm.

"What is it Ton?" Zero asked.

Zero X. Diamond
"I gotta go potty."

"That man back there, the one on the bench? He seemed a bit odd. His eyes were mercury grey, and he craned his head to look at us when we passed by." ZXD thought a moment, then said, "It's not really a clue, but at least it gives us more reason to believe they are Doppelbots. I mean, his eyes could've naturally been that color, and with people as odd looking as us, he had every reason to look at us."

But then they came across a clue. It was a small metal box lying on the sidewalk.

Zero X. Diamond
The top of the box had "THIS IS A CLUE" written on it in giant red letters.  Inside was a note: "If you found this, I probably dropped it again like a big fucking idiot.  I do that sometimes because I am a big fucking idiot.  Please return to Notta Doppelbot, 40242 Convenient Plot Device Circle."

Zero Diamond picked it up and opened it. It was a bunch of advanced robotic parts, too advanced for some young child to use like a junior invention kit. Examining it thoroughly, Zero Diamond put it in his miniature warp storage.

It was discarded pieces from the atomic bomb Doc Brown sold to the Libyans.

"This is our first clue. Noone in this town is an inventor, am I right Ness?" Ness thought and then his eyes widened. "No there's not. And Apple and Orange Kid told me once they don't leave Twoson ever.

Zero X. Diamond
"In fact, they told me they never leave their houses ever.  They just wander randomly around their tiny one room homes waiting for me to come over and talk to them."
Spoony Spoonicus
Until Orange Kid got that huge research grant to pursue his dream of unboiling boiled eggs, at least.  Dickweed still never shuts up about that.

They get parts shipped to them from other places when they need them." Zero Diamond then grinned and said, "We only need a couple more clues, and then we can attack the Doppelbots, if we prove they're not really human." So they journeyed onwards...

They looked around some more, until they came to where they started walking. The man they saw before walked by, walking a dog. KL growled at it.
The dog split out of it's skin and turned into a huge robotic dog!

Zero X. Diamond
I still don't think they've collected enough evidence to solve the mystery.

Spoony Spoonicus
Yet another thing I'd rather be playing right now: Parasite Eve!

It roared at KL, who shrunk back in fear. The man also turned toward the group and ripped his shirt off, revealing him to be a Dopplebot General! The group prepares to fight, when...

... all the people in Threed split out of their skins and combined together into one gigantic technoid! Zero Diamond screeched "THEY'VE DONE IT!! THEY'VE MERGED INTO THE MIGHTY TECHNOID, BREAKER!!"

Now on sale for $1199.99!  Beg your parents to buy you one!

 Everyone else looked in horror as the titanic technoid loomed high above their heads. Noone could say a word; they were much too frightened to even try.

The gigantic technoid, Breaker, stood high above them, towering about 2 stories over their heads. One fist could easily reduce any of them, even Zero in his heavy armor, to mere bloody spots on the sidewalk.

Mega Man
So much for that super duper ultra mega powerful awesome armor.

Zero X. Diamond
GASP!  His fist is stronger than a train full of elephants???

In fact, a simple flick from this technoid could be proven to cause instantaneous death.

Zero X. Diamond
Given a proper laboratory setting and enough clinical testing.

ZXD whispered to the others, "We're going to have to use strategy here to beat Breaker. In otherwards, make the beast beat itself! Do everything humanly possible to stop it, or we may cease to exist far before we can stop the technoids. Jeff, now would be a good time to spy on Breaker, before he starts attacking..."

Jeff nodded in agreement and spied on Breaker. Jeff then shouted, "Offense is ???! Defense is ???!

Zero X. Diamond
How do you pronounce that?

You have to be Q-Bert, I think.

Open to water attacks! Weak in the head area! Very weak where the small blue crystal is set on his chest!" Then the technoid roared in anger and began the battle.

* Breaker blocked your way!
* Corporal Hawkeye: "Insolent fools! You will never defeat the massive power of Breaker!"

Zero X. Diamond
Who the hell is Corporal Hawkeye?  He can't be the guy who was walking the dog, since that guy was a General.  Are there appendices I should be looking for here?

* Breaker threw a punch towards Zero Diamond! Zero Diamond jumped to miss the fist and landed on Breaker's arm!
* Zero Diamond is charging up his D-Buster!
* Rocky used PK Water Elemental! Rocky's skin turned aqua blue and his hair turned into water! Rocky became Rocky of the Mists!

Bad Box Art Mega Man

(sweet guitar riff)

* Tonberry is on guard.
* Jack ran up next to an Ice Mountain Delivery Truck!
* Sean went with Jack.
* Ness is on guard.
* Paula used PSI Freeze Omega and PSI Fire Omega in unison to form PSI Aqua Omega! 634 HP of damage done to Breaker!

Zero X. Diamond
Okay, that works, I guess...

* Jeff took a bottle of water from Poo, tied it to a multi-bottle rocket and launched it at Breaker! 564 HP of damage done to Breaker!

Zero X. Diamond
Wait, what?

* Poo chunked an open bottle of water at Breaker! 435 HP of damage done to Breaker!

Zero X. Diamond
Now you're not even trying.

Mega Man
Boy, and I thought Sword Man's weakness to Water Balloon was stupid and embarassing.

* Breaker threw a punch at Jack and Sean! Jack and Sean just avoided being crushed, but the Ice Mountain Truck exploded and got Breaker's arm all wet! 943 HP of damage done to Breaker!

Spoony Spoonicus
I'm just amazed all the moisture in the atmosphere around him hasn't caused him to wither and die by now.

* Zero Diamond shot a level 2 D-Buster shot at a fire hydrant behind Breaker! It exploded and let loose a non-stop blast of water! 675 HP of damage done to Breaker!
* Rocky of the Mists lobbed off his watery arm and regenerated it!

Zero X. Diamond
Plokky of the Mists.

It hit Breaker's head! 893 HP of damage done to Breaker!
* Tonberry and Kid Lavos joined for a team attack aimed at Breaker's crystal! 1000 HP of damage done to Breaker!

Zero X. Diamond
Pretty sure every time I've written a fight scene in this, this is all they end up doing.  This is because it was the only thing I knew they were capable of, so it was either this or do nothing.

* Jack and Sean are on guard.
* Ness used PSI Rockin' Omega and focused it directly on Breaker's crystal! 1658 HP of damage done to breaker!
* Paula used PSI Aqua Omega and aimed it at Breaker's crystal! 1983 HP of damage done to Breaker!
* Jeff used a wrench and twisted off the side of a fireplug, sending another continuous blast of water at Breaker! 1155 HP of damage done to Breaker!
* Poo threw a bottle of water at Breaker's crystal! 2314 HP of mortal damage done to Breaker!

Zero X. Diamond
Looks like Poo has found a new calling: team waterboy.

Spoony Spoonicus
Well, he's still faring better than Ness...

* Breaker began exploding violently and Coroporal Hawkeye jumped out the emergency escape hatch!
* Corporal Hawkeye: "Impossible!!! Breaker
was the perfect technoid!!! I will avenge him!
* Corporal Hawkeye unholstered his Automatic Firing Technoid Handgun and held his shield out in front of him.
* Rocky of the Mists: "So be it. Let the games begin."
* Rocky of the Mists drank a bottle of water! Rocky of the Mists's offense and defense went up by 76!
* Corporal Hawkeye lunged into battle!

Meanwhile, just south of Winters…

Zero X. Diamond
Something completely unrelated was happening.

Bomberboy was inventing bombs that shoot ice when they explode. Suddenly, a horde of
robotic ducks swooped towards him!

Spoony Spoonicus
Ducks?  Not exactly high on the "intimidating" scale.  Unless you're a small piece of bread.

* Bomberboy used PSI Fire Gamma!  The ducks don't even flinch!
* Bomberboy used Water Ball 3!  Half the ducks shattered to pieces!
* All of the ducks dove towards Bomberboy's head!  Bomberboy dodged deftly.
* Bomberboy used Water Ball 4!  The rest of the ducks were destroyed.

"That was close. I'm going to use my portals to get to Threed."

Zero X. Diamond
For absolutely no reason.  Just arbitrarily picking Threed as my destination.

 With that, he packed up his invention materials and teleported to Threed.

He came out beside Panama Jack.

Zero X. Diamond
"Wow, aren't you that guy who makes that suntan lotion?"

Tonberry stayed separate as the others battled General Hawkeye.

Zero X. Diamond
So wait, where did Corporal Hawkeye go?  Is that General Hawkeye's son?  THIS IS SO CONFUSING, FUCK!!
Bad Box Art Mega Man
Are either of them related to Lieutenant Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist?

Oh, not again... why does this happen, every time I battle? Why can't I just fight, like the others? But I already know why...

Zero X. Diamond
Erectile dysfunction.

GRRR! I hate this! Why can't I ever battle for a long time?! I always am interrupted by this feeling...

Zero X. Diamond
Why must I always fall in love with my foes??

"Arrgh! Chef's Knife toss!"

Ton suddenly charged into battle and tossed the knife full power at General Hawkeye. It ripped right through him, and he ceased to function.

Bad Box Art Mega Man
He's made of Jasonvoorheesium!

Zero X. Diamond
Even back then, somebody was getting sick of all the stupid fight scenes.

Bomberboy then came out of a portal next to PJ. Tonberry sighed, then said, "Greetings, Bomberboy. Zero, tell him what's happened so far."

Zero X. Diamond
"Hey random guy who just appeared out of nowhere who I apparently know.  Exposition Machine, give him your report."

"Ok Tonberry, I'll tell him. BomberBoy, it's like this. We've already fought 2 Generals, a ZXD-Hunter, a Ness-Hunter seeing as how Nightghast seemed to go especially after Ness, Breaker the Titanic Technoid and they fought me. The reason so is because the ZXD-Hunter infected me with the Sigma Virus, but it was only temporary thanks to Rocky's quick thinking. He also gave us a break, because we now know who our second toughest adversary is going to be, and that's Sigma. We also learned about a new weapon the Technoids are developing, from Jeff's and my own calculations, they're probably improving it's plating. The final thing we've learned is that Fourside too has Doppelbots in it, or so we believe. But we have to go find the real citizens." Zero Diamond explained.

Zero X. Diamond
"Great, I just have one question," asked Bomberboy.  "What the hell does any of that mean?"

"Very well." BomberBoy said, and he joined the band of adventurers.

Zero X. Diamond
No questions, nothing.  Just acceptance.  Instantaneous acceptance.

Zero Diamond whipped out his Sakugarne and got on as the visor slid out of his helmet. "Let's see if this baby can find me those people and get me in. Stand back!" Zero Diamond shouted. He read a message from the Sakugarne, <How can I help you?>

Mega Man
Let me trade you in for the Mirror Buster or the Screw Crusher instead.

 Zero responded, "Find the location of the enterance to the subterranian area where the citizens of Threed are held and break through it." The Sakugarne accepted the command

Mega Man
Throw another deus ex machina on the fire.

 and began bouncing down the street and came to right in front of the Mach Pizzaria and began bouncing violently, trying to break the pavement.

Rocky and Tonberry in the front, with the others close behind, ran to the spot to see the pogo-stick breaking through the pavement.  It was a rather odd sight, seeing a robotic man on a point-ended pogo-stick breaking through the street.

Zero X. Diamond
Yes, this is the first strange thing so far.

Deeper and deeper through the 5 foot thick barrier of pavement

Zero X. Diamond
That is one hell of a thick street.

 it pounded. Finally, the pavement gave and he fell into a deep hole. When he landed he yelled up "It's okay guys, jump in!" Seeing as how it echoed all the way up, it didn't make Rocky, Ton or any of the others feel any safer jumping down, but down they went...

Screw basic instinct!  If some guy we barely know says it's true, it must be!

They landed with a big CRASH!!! on the ground. "Uhm, it seemed shorter to me because I was on the Sakugarne!" Zero claimed. "Ungh... watch that first step... it's a doozy..." Rocky said, standing up.

Zero X. Diamond
Wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaah!

 "We have to get moving ahead, I can see the door over there!" Tonberry said. They ran and Zero bounced, to the door. Zero bounced into it, and it unlocked and opened.

Spoony Spoonicus
Pogo sticks are the skeleton keys of this twisted universe.

 When they went inside, it closed behind them. Another door in front of them was there, but it wouldn't budge. Then maniacal laughter rang out through the cavernous area.

Suddenly, a technoid clad in Blue and Green armor descended from above. He had a brown ponytail and held a Technoid Saber in his hand. (A Technoid Saber is wider and more differently shaped than Zero's Saber Sword, but it's the same thing otherwise.)

Zero X. Diamond
An INCREDIBLY important detail.  I couldn't have lived without finding out exactly how a Technoid Saber differred from Zero's Saber Sword.

He laughed again and walked forwards. "Greetings fools! You have fallen right into my trap!

Zero X. Diamond
"It was my plan all along for you to discover our doppelbots and then destroy all of them and happen to discover this cave under the pizza parlor!"

Allow me to introduce myself. I am ZXD-Hunter Sabbre, and I am here to destroy you Zero.

Zero X. Diamond
Really?  I would never have guessed.

Now let's do this like gentlemen. Shall we have a sword duel?" Zero Diamond blinked, then his expression became grim. "Fine, I accept your challenge technoid."

Spoony Spoonicus
Everyone's so trusting in this universe...

 Zero put the Sakugarne away and unsheathed his Saber Sword.

They threw themselves at each other in a blinding flash of light. They engaged in swordplay, and what a duel it became. Every move Sabbre made with his saber, Zero met directly with his saber.

Zero X. Diamond
Sabbre's saber struck Zero's saber sword.  Zero's saber sword swung at Sabbre's saber.

This went on for about 10 minutes, until Sabbre said panting with all his strength, "Alas, you are a better swordsman then I thought. Let's have another competition, but this time you choose it."

Zero X. Diamond
"Yeah, I know I was born to murder you, but I'm still a fair man."

Zero Diamond pondered a moment, then got an idea. "Let's do a Sakugarne Bouncing contest... if you bounce higher then I can, I will surrender myself to you."

Mayor Mike Haggar
That's the dumbest possible way this rivalry could possibly have been resolved. Well done!
Now he's going to steal the talent from seven of the world's master pogo-stickers and you'll have to train a competitive team to save the world from slavery!