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Ultima VII: The Wrong Way

Something I wrote around 2003, inspired by IT-HE Software's wonderful "anti-walkthroughs" of various games.

I'd also strongly recommend that you play through the "Normal" way before trying this, as this walkthrough contains heavy spoilers, sequence-breaking cheats and heavy glitch exploitation.


1. As the game starts, skip Iolo's babbling, then as soon as you can move, immediately run east as fast as you can and then follow the wall south until Finnigan eventually gives up and stops chasing you.

2. Go to the Blacksmith's and take the Caltrops. We'll have some fun with these.  Next, stop by the healer's place and relieve him of his potions.  Now walk back toward the stables and drug Finnigan with the blue potion as he approaches.  He'll forget all about you from his brief sleep and just go back to his daily routine of milling about city hall, not really doing much of note.

Steal the bucket of blood from the murder site.  Double click it, then use it on Iolo to dump it over his head.  He'll only be mildly annoyed about this horrific act.

3. Recruit Spark, being sure to rob Dell's shop on the way so that your entire party will be well-armed.  Try to lock him in the back room.

Unfortunately, he has some secret means of escaping that room, so he won't stay there forever.  Unless you kill him, of course.

4. Grab the gavel in Spark's house.  If you meet any alligators, use it on them to make them say "Hey! That hurt!".

5. Head to Finn's office and click around on the walls until you find a hidden passage.  Empty the secret room of any valuables.  Feed Iolo some bread from the bag in the south room; this will probably anger Finn, provoking him to attack you with his bare hands while guards shoot at you with crossbows, probably killing Finn in the process.  If Iolo himself becomes disgusted and leaves, reboot (kill) him.

In any case, flee the scene and hide out at Spark's place until the heat dies down.  You'll have at least one person to revive from all this, so it's time to gather some money.

6. Go and grab the Fellowship donation box, but don't open it or break its seal. Take the two bags off the tables in here, especially the one stuffed with gold. We'll make use of these later.

7. Scrounge up the bits of loose change in everyone's houses (don't forget Spark's) and steal the other valuables about town.  There are some gems and a gold bar to be found, among other things.

8. Wait around (or sleep in someone's bed) until 9:00 PM, when the Fellowship meeting begins. Stick some Caltrops under the podium and watch Klog scream and rave in front of the gathered members.

 "Trust thine... ARGH! brother!  Worth-OUCH!-iness precedes reward!"

If you can't get this to work, you can alternately bonk him repeatedly with the gavel, or move the podium outside and watch him do his preaching while he dances around and flicks street lamps on and off.

9.  Hit the hay when you're done being a nuisance.  When day breaks, bring Finn/Iolo to the Healer's, set him on the bed, and pay the fee to revive him.  This should result in a rather comical scene, as well as leave you wondering how Chantu retrieved the money from the Fellowship's box without breaking its seal.

Why yes, yes I do

Iolo should have forgotten about that entire bread-stealing thing (unless you're running the game through Exult, unfortunately).  As for Finnigan, avoid talking to him at all cost.  If you do so by mistake, tell him you found a body.  Normally you'd need to sort out the double homicide business at the stables to get the password (escaping via jail time isn't possible; the guards in Trinsic are violent sociopaths with no concept of due process), but we're going to skip town the hard way.  Don't worry, we'll crack the case later.

Climb up onto the roof of the blacksmith's using a pile of crates, fish, and whatever other stackable objects you can find.  Walk behind the chimney and enter the Secret Warp Zone (TM). Open the semi-hidden chest in here and take the circular chunk.  Now, without touching any of the other forbidden treasure in here,  step on the teleporter, and then go to to Yew via the panel in the next room (the right teleporter in the third row on the circle of teleporters).

10.  Congratulations, we've escaped from jail the copy protection Trinsic.  This comes at a price, however - we must not die.  If we do, the game will restart since we haven't "officially" left Trinsic.  So save often!

Now we should be just outside of Yew.  Enter the jailhouse, press C on your keyboard, and watch as your allies go batshit insane and slay the jailkeeper for no reason at all (Sir Jeff remains apathetic to this fact).  Skim the book on the table here and go to the Abbey.

11.  Talk to the first monk you see.  Immediately after you get his name, call him a thief and kill him.  Take his Great Dagger for yourself, as it's one of the game's more amusing weapons.

12. Depart Yew,  head over to Despise's entrance and collect the Carpet.  Wait until nightfall, then fly to Paws under cover of darkness and break into the butcher's shop.  Help yourself to his riches and Silver Serpent Venom. Keep all of his vials in one of the bags you stole from Klog.

Take his blood bucket too if you wish.

13. Head due north to Britain. Empty the jeweler's shop of its jewels. (Is there a key that opens the door to the back room?  If so, I haven't found it.  And yes, I checked his house and his person.)  Ransack the other shops on this street if you wish, they have some useful swag.  You'll also want to take the green and yellow Virtue Stones from the museum; they'll be handy later.

14. Enter Castle Britannia (it's not like it's locked or anything), then proceed to sneak into Chuck's room and wake him up. Drop the nearby powder keg into his bed, wait around until he falls asleep again, then detonate it. Run away, as the explosion may have drawn the attention of the royal guard (then again, maybe not).

The match makes a graceful arc to the floor
And time stands still as I turn for the door
Which explodes in a fireball and throws me to the street
I hit the ground running with the flames at my feet

15. At any rate, sleep in town after you lose the pursuing guards (if there are any). When morning comes, draft Shamino and Sentri into the party.  Sentri is particularly useful as he can train your Dexterity stat for free.  Now sell the jeweler's own gems back to him (he doesn't suspect a thing) and convert your stolen gold bars to cash at the treasury.

(The funniest part is that this isn't even the worst crime spree the Avatar has committed in his career.  Hell, stealing everything that isn't nailed down from Lord British's storerooms multiple times over is practically essential to your survival in Ultima 5!  Oh, and do I even need to get into the hilarious conundrum of "respawning guards wear suits of armor sellable for roughly 700 gold coins each" in Ultima 6?  Or the classic "cremate dead pikemen for 100 Monetari a pop, regardless of how they got that way" in Serpent Isle?)

Be sure to talk to Shamino for a bit and get your watch from him in case he decides to leave for your habits of serial kleptomania.

16. Return to Lord British's castle and loot his storerooms. Grab the spellbook and the bag of reagents for yourself, and distribute the rest of the swag among your party.  Now wait in the center courtyard until around noon, when Lord British stands in the doorway.  Say, that plaque above his head looks a little loose.  Click on it and...


If someone appears to investigate the yelp and the loud thud, immediately point at them, shout "MURDERER!"  and quietly slip out in the confusion.

17. Find a Moongate (they should still work, since you haven't "officially" gotten the Sphere fragment) and walk through.  Repeat this process until you're in Jhelom.  Once there, find the Library of Scars. Pick up a dagger off the table (ignore the subsequent complaints from the patrons) and confront De Snel about a murder conducted with it. This results in an interesting conversation since your story is complete bull.  Ask for a demonstration. When he attacks you, execute him Indiana Jones style with the Musket.  Pocket his amulet when nobody's looking.

18. Feed Smell's underlings 4-5 hits each of Silver Serpent Venom and go find Sprellic. Scroll through all his whinging and agree to help him. Go place a sizable bet on him at the bar and get wasted with Dupre until the next morning.

Oh, what a happy feeling! We like booze, we like booze!

At some point, your allies should mention that you don't look well.  Ignore them and carry on.

19. The next morning, attend the showdown with Snel's henchmen.  Pull up some chairs so your comrades can watch.  Make short work of the drug-addled goons with the weakest weapon in the game (ye olde Serpent Dagger) as your friends point and laugh.

20. Talk to Sprellic, then go to the bar to claim your fabulous cash prize. Return to Britain.

21. Go visit Batlin. Empty his locked chest of money and badger him while wearing Snel's amulet until he tells you to go away.

22. Toss out the amulet, then talk to him again.  He forgets about your transgression quickly and offers to let you take the Fellowship questionnaire, the questions of which are all rigged to make you think you need to join.  Do so.  Next he'll offer you a delivery job to Minoc.  Decline it, then immediately talk to him again and accept it.  Drop a stack of gold pieces on the ground, then ask about joining again.  He will inexplicably hand over 100 Gold.  Pocket it and leave.

(Until you actually deliver the box, you can repeat this as many times as you wish to duplicate anything that comes in a stack - gold coins, arrows, Starbursts, reagents, et cetera.  You'll also earn 100 experience points for your entire party each time you do this, which means you can very quickly attain 6400 points and maximum level as well).

23. You'll probably be in need of food at this point. Go over to Willy's shop (preferably at night, so that he doesn't get in the way) and make yourself a few dozen loaves of bread by throwing handfuls of flour directly in the oven. Stuff as many as you can fit into one of the bags you pilfered from Fellowship Trinsic.

This also offers another use for the blood buckets - you can use it on flour to make dough as you would with water.  Convenient, if you're roleplaying Hannibal Lecter.

Another option is to go to the stables in Paws and on the south end of Britain and slaughter cows.  They don't give a lot of experience, but they respawn infinitely and drop enough steaks to keep your party well-fed for some time to come.

24. Take the eastern path out of Britain. Break into Mack's shack (Keys are boring, so use a powder keg instead) and get the Hoe of Destruction. This is one of the best weapons you'll get, so naturally we don't want it in the hands of your clumsy companions, who tend to till each others' backs.

25. On the way to Minoc, make a quick stop at Cove. Recruit Jaana (you may need to make Dupre leave temporarily first due to a rather annoying engine bug) and pilfer her band-aids.  She is another extremely useful party member because she has the power to cure, heal and resurrect party members at no charge.  Keep her hawk for yourself if you wish, though it does tend to disappear to parts unknown at inopportune times.

Stop by Rudyom's, buy the Mark and Recall spells from him, and help yourself to his potions as he listlessly brews up dozens of them. Try to get some yellows and blues, they'll come in handy later.  Grab the wand and a few chunks of blackrock while you're here, we're going to need them later.

26. Arrive in Minoc, ignoring the townsfolk as much as possible. Find Elynor and ask her about her job; if she becomes annoyed just ask her again.  Give her the box.  Tell her you opened the box (even if you didn't). She'll become annoyed again and send you back to Batlin.

Before you leave, find the Fellowship hall.  Replace their poorbox with the one Chantu emptied for you earlier.  You should also help yourself to Owen's golden sextant, so that you might find your global position in style.  I always make a point of stealing it whenever I find myself near Minoc.

The murder site, not surprisingly, has another blood bucket to steal.  Use this one on Elynor (or save it for Batlin).

27. On the way back to Britain, rob the mining guild of their Serpent Venom via the blue key in the desk. There's also plenty more venom in the mines, if you wish to go in and find it.

Go back to Batlin and tell him you finished the job.  Like the questionnaire, it doesn't really matter how you handled the task, you'll still be shipped off to Destard to run another errand.  Destard is dangerous, so we'll have to come prepared.  If you don't have at least a couple dozen blue potions, get some from Kessler in town, they're dirt cheap at only 15 gold pieces each.

You should have more than enough money left over from our robbery sprees, but if not, head to coordinates 127 South by 4 West, find the hidden chest under a tree, and smash it open with the Hoe of Destruction.  Inside you'll find a full set of magical gear, about 600 gold, and a few other goodies.  Actually go ahead and do this even if you don't need the money, magical gear is quite awesome.

(The key can also be found under a small rock slightly southeast of the tree if you want a lockable chest for stashing goodies).

28. Arrive at Destard. Sneak through the cave, picking the joint clean of gold and gems. If the dragons prove too tough, quickly open the menu, use a blue potion on them, grab as much swag as you can and run away before they awake.  If you run out of blues, hopefully you'll have some black potions, which will allow you to slip by the dragons undetected (even when one of your foolish allies shouts "I AM VERY HUNGRY" when walking by a dragon).

Say the word and I'll dig me hoe into 'is back!  I can make it look like suicide!

29. Return to Britain, cash in your finds for a small fortune, and complain to Batlin about the nasty dragons. He'll let you join up anyway. Give him a few hits of Serpent Venom (or the blood bucket) as thanks.

If you have seven or eight extra vials of Serpent Venom, you may wish to feed them to an ally to turn him or her into an unstoppable force.  Taking too much damage or attempting to heal this character will likely incapacitate them; simply heal them again to reverse the effect. For this reason, I don't recommend doing this to the Avatar.  (This trick does not seem to work in Exult, unfortunately.)

30. It's probably late evening by now.  Run as fast as you can back to the Fellowship hall.  We're going to spice up tonight's Fellowship meeting.

31.  Set the blackrock chunks near the front of the room and dotting the aisle.  Save.

32. Wait around until 9:00, when the crowd gathers. Move the podium around and watch Batlin frantically run around the room.  Move it out into the streets and he will continue chasing it whilst the congregation (and Batlin himself) get quite confused about what is going on.

Once you tire of this, use the wand on one of the blackrock chunks to bathe the hall in a cool fire effect.  Batlin, already annoyed at the podium stunt, won't be too appreciative of this, so RUN before he smacks you upside the head with a Death Bolt.

33. It's time to get out of Dodge, as the guards will be in hot pursuit of you at this point.  Cast Recall on the Green stone and you'll appear in Yew.  Rest for an hour, cast Recall on the Yellow stone to reappear in Britannia, and return to the Hall.

Batlin and the town guard will have forgiven you for that little mishap, and the ceremony will proceed unimpeded. Get your official Fellowship decoder ring from Batlin, and wear it proudly.

The dead rise to celebrate the Avatar's induction

34. The time has come to continue the tradition followed in nearly every Ultima- breaking the bank.  This time, our bottomless source of income is Bucc's Den.  Grab an empty chest or two, throw them onto your carpet, and fly over to Bucc's Den.

35. Cast Mark on the yellow Virtue Stone, then head to the Strip. Wager 100 gold on each lane in the Rat Race game, and watch in amazement as you get 600 gold in return, effectively making a 200-coin profit from your initial wager.  That's right, you can bet on all four lanes at once and still make money!

36.  Rather than informing the house of this fatal flaw in the system, repeat the process until you have enough cash to bet 600 coins on each lane.  Now run the race. When your winnings are returned (3600, though it won't look like it since it's all in one big stack), save the game.

37. Run the Rat Race again. If you lose, reload. Repeat until the lane with all that cash on it wins again. You should now have about 21 grand on the table, and the game will likely have grown unstable.  This is especially evident when several walls of Castle Britannia start vanishing, leaving doors standing in midair.

Winning the games a third consecutive time, while somewhat amusing, is not recommended, as it tends to rip Britannia apart at the seams.

38. Dump all that cash into the two chests you brought. The remainder should fit into one of your bags. Drag-drop your two treasure chests back to your carpet, as they're far too heavy to carry on your person.

We now have all the funds we will ever need, and it's all thanks to the Fellowship!

39. Go buy some armor from the Bucc's Den salesman with your winnings, then return to Britain. Buy Nystul's entire spell catalog. Complete your spellbook by buying all of Mariah, Wis-Sur and Rudyom's spells as well, as well as a hefty amount of each reagent.

(If you really don't want to spend the time or money, feel free to skip some of the junk spells like Create Gold and Poison Field.)

Kill Frank the Fox if you see him, preferably with a well-timed Lightning Bolt to make sure that he dies as violently as possible.  Dump his body somewhere deep in the woods so that no one will ever find it.

If you have any cash left over, store it somewhere safe, like the back room at Sentri's place.  True security nuts can also elect to lock their gold in Batlin's chest, then store the chest in the vault at the bank (get the keys from Cynthia by discreetly offing her.  Have Jaana resurrect her afterwards if you wish).  Add in a few boobytraps (caltrops) as well to further discourage theft.

Safely under lock, key and 24/7 surveillance

40. At this point you will have enough spells to make your every whim a reality. However, your character's level probably won't be sufficient enough to use them all yet (unless you exploited the Batlin glitch to high heaven). In this case, ready the Hoe of Destruction and head somewhere where enemies continually regenerate, like Destard, the north end of the Isle of the Avatar, or the Bee Cave.  Mark your Green stone at the entrance, and be sure that your allies are all either in Berserk mode or have left their backpacks outside, else they tend to flee and drop their items as they go.  This is very bad.

Destroy everything that moves until you're at level 8 (which will require 6400 experience points).  If you get in trouble, cast Recall on the Green stone and sleep with a bedroll until you're healthy again.  Once you've reached level 8, revive all your dead buddies, return their gear to them, then move on.

(If the Hoe doesn't pack enough punch for your liking, you could always buy a Triple Crossbow and a sizable stack of Bolts and enchant them, which deals a whopping 30 points of damage per hit - enough to one-shot anything except Stone Golems and immortal beings like Lord British and Batlin.)

41. Fly to Yew and train with Perrin until your Intelligence is maxed out.  Save at least nine of your points though, you'll need them for the purposes of this walkthrough.

42. Time to party.  Purchase at least two dozen Yellow potions and dump the bulk of your cash reserves somewhere safe (the aforementioned vault in Britain being a good choice).  Now head to Deceit.  Make your way to the Tetrahedron through locked doors, monsters, and the like, none of which should be a threat with your massive arsenal of spells. The nasty inside the 'Hedron may be a different story, though, since you can't use magic in there.  If you have a Glass Sword handy, now would be a good time to use it.

Stove the beast's head in, collect the small triangular chunk and then leave.

43. Make a quick stop by Serpent's Hold, spending the remainder of the Avatar's training points with Menion to boost your Strength significantly.  While you're here, stop by Jordan's and move his crossbow around.  He'll somehow take notice despite his blindness.  Guess he's got some crazy Daredevil hearing. Or he's just scamming Social Security, one of the two.

Now head to the Fellowship Sanitarium.  Make your party wait outside as you enter.  Continue into the dungeon, plowing through everything you come across with your spell arsenal.  There's another piece of the hated Electronic Arts logo in here, so we must destroy it for the good of all.

Entering the Cube is a bit tricky, so pay attention.

Crates placed to measure distance, marks indicate where you'll take damage

When you approach the Cube, you'll take damage from the sound waves emanating from it.  At roughly the distance of the first and third crates from the bottom, you'll take damage ranging from 3-10 points each.  At about the sixth crate's distance, you'll take a whopping 30 damage, which you'll need a minimum of 23 HP to survive.  Just be sure that your HP is topped off before you hit the 30-damage zone, and once you cross there (and the Avatar has his near-death experience), hold down the right mouse button so that the Avatar walks in as soon as he recovers.  Top off your health with Yellow potions again once inside, as the Cube is quite dangerous.

Complete the puzzle and collect the piece of broken Cube.  Now board your carpet and fly back to Trinsic.  Land inside the gates, as they are unopenable from the outside (or the inside, for that matter).

44. Enter and talk to Klog, who, seeing the Cube, will happily reveal that he is an accomplice of that murder you ignored back at the start of the game.  Unfortunately, there does not seem to be a way to report his confession to the guards (not that it would matter since they're bloodthirsty maniacs themselves), so we'll have to resolve this ourselves - you are the Avatar and Justice is one of the eight virtues, after all.  Wait around until 9:00 and cast Magic Storm, and he will be get struck down with lightning from the heavens before the gathered crowd.

Alternately, cast Delayed Blast and make him burn for his crimes.

Finally, for you merciful types, you can make Klog's execution quick and (relatively) painless with Death Bolt.

45. Recall to Buccaneer's Den via the Yellow stone and open the back wall of the Hall.  Use Telekinesis on the switch you see and then go south.  Find the Guardian's Throne key, and read the note nearby.

Now traditionally, Lord British has been quick to pardon your "pranks" on account of your status as the six-time savior of the world.  The Fellowship are not so forgiving despite their outward friendly appearance.  In fact, you've made their hit-list!

Lord British is on there too.   A shame that your relationship turned sour, otherwise I bet they'd have asked you to do the honors - every true Avatar has made the attempt at least once, after all.

46. Confront Danag about the hit list; he will confirm your suspicions.  We've got to warn somebody.  Return to Castle Britannia and show Lord British the incriminating evide...

Oh, right.

Well, it looks like we'll have to deal with this problem on our own.  Utilizing similar tactics to the gargoyles in Ultima 6, it's now time to eliminate the Fellowship before they do the same to you.  Return to the Den, hide out somewhere until 9:00, then summon a few dragons and Death Vortices to dispense with the scumbags.

47.  Continue the purge at the fellowship halls in Minoc, Trinsic, Terfin, Jhelom, the Retreat, and even Magincia.  Spare no one!  Bonus points for using creative means to carry out the deeds - rigging the halls with powder kegs, shooting the leaders with cannons, filling the room with Fire Fields and Swordstrikes, or just recreating a gangster movie with Muskets and Triple Crossbows are all encouraged.  Try to avoid killing any guards, though - oblivious to the truth they may be, but they're not evil (aside from Trinsic's, of course).

48. Despite his followers being systematically wiped out in a very short and very bloody few days, Batlin's somehow not onto us yet.  Wait around until 9:00, smash in the front door of the Fellowship Hall (with a cannon if possible, it adds dramatic effect), and greet him with a Death Bolt.  Be sure that you do not talk to him first, else he will flee.  If anyone survived your previous stunt with the blackrock, wipe them out too.

Note that he may be stubborn and refuse to die; this is another Exult issue.  If he does croak, pillage his corpse for a cryptic note.  If he's stubborn, show him the Cube and he will shout at you and vanish.

If you did manage to splatter Batlin, Mark the Green Virtue Stone for this area, you can have some fun later.

49. But wait, remember what Danag said?  Batlin's taking orders from that Guardian guy!  Walk to the tree east of the gargoyle's house in Britain, set a crate or similar object on the left-hand side at the base, and step on it to jump into the secret room again.

Back door to the Warp Zone

Take the third teleporter from the left on the bottom row in the northern square of teleporters.

50.  We're now at the final dungeon!   Proceed through as normal, eliminating all resistance with your godly spell arsenal.  Eventually, you'll reach a fellowship hall in the deepest depths of the cave; unlike all the others, this one is fully aware of your intentions and attacks you on sight.  Wipe them out as well.  Now recall using the Green stone (or a Help spell) and re-enter the Warp Zone.  Take the lower-rightmost teleporter in the upper square this time.

51. In addition to rendering the Throne key utterly useless, you'll find the last remaining remnants of the Fellowship, including the late Batlin (!). Well actually, it's not him at all, it's a duplicate. From here, you have several options:

a) Overkill

Cast Armageddon, thus petrifying everyone in the room - and the rest of Britannia, as well. (This is proof that the Batlin you see is not the Batlin, as the real thing is not affected by Armageddon). As the way to the Gate is now clear, do the usual schtick and destroy it.  I can't imagine that Lord British will be happy with the means to this end, but Britannia is now saved.

...Oh, that's right.

b) Paradox

Cast Mark on a Stone and then Recall to the Fellowship Hall. Pick up Real Batlin's body and return. Revive Real Batlin so there are two.  If you're clever, you can also turn the two Batlins against one another by having one hit the other with a lightning bolt or fireball.

c) Ruin the evil muppet's fun

Cast Armageddon and waltz right through the Gate.  The Guardian will find his victory to be extremely hollow.

d) Clash of the Titans

Bring Lord British in, resurrect him, and make sure that he gets hit by one of Fake Batlin's stray fireballs.  See if the two unkillable combatants can finish off everyone else in the room without your help.  Another amusing variant can be had by summoning a wisp via the Cheat Menu, then making it hate Fake Batlin.

e) Party Hard

Rather than coming to blows, cast Dance several times so that your assailants dance wildly, forgetting all about you.  While they're distracted, finish the job with the gate.  The Guardian will be understandably enraged when he notices his minions riverdancing instead of coming to his aid.

Other ideas

- Cast Mass Death to wipe out everyone attacking you in one clean shot.  Efficient if not particularly exciting.
- Cast Death Vortex on yourself and just stand there - Liz, Abe, Foreskin and Hook will all rush up to you, then promptly die.  Fake Batlin will, sadly, escape to parts unknown.
- Use a dirty diaper on all four assailants to make then flee into the corner and beg for mercy while you destroy the gate unimpeded.
- Try to pause the game as soon as you enter the room, then put everyone to sleep with blue potions.  This does not in any way hinder their dialog scene.  Double bonus if you can kill them all with powder kegs before they even get to say their lines.

Sadly there is no option to lob objects through the gate at the Guardian, or wait for him to enter then promptly hit him in the face with a cannonball.